dream of a ridiculous man
the dream of a ridiculous man (1877) by fyodor dostoevsky
via tweet [https://x.com/wor/status/1976531135778685153]:
Dostoevsky’s The Dream of a Ridiculous Man (1877) hit me hard. His truth is simple: we can live beautifully together if we love others as ourselves, and the fall began when a lie split face from heart. Read through commitment pooling, the return isn’t a grand design but a rhythm of honest reciprocity …. clear modest commitments, peers who witness and record fulfillment, gentle limits that honor people, time, and land, and redemption in concrete care. Truth becomes shared memory. Link in comments. [https://willruddick.substack.com/p/the-dream-of-a-ridiculous-man]
notes/quotes from 10 pg pdf linked in will’s substack [https://gustavus.edu/threecrowns/files/The%20Dream%20of%20a%20Ridiculous%20Man,%20Fyodor%20Dostoevsky.pdf]:
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ch 1
I have always been ridiculous, and I have known it, perhaps, from the hour I was born. . Everyone always laughed at me. But not one of them knew or guessed that if there were one man on earth who knew better than anybody else that I was absurd, it was myself, and what I resented most of all was that they did not know that
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And so for two months every night that I came home I thought I would shoot myself. I kept waiting for
the right moment. And so now this star gave me a thought. I made up my mind that it should certainly be that night. And why the star gave me the thought I don’t know.3
ch 2
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But does it matter whether it was a dream or reality, if the dream made known to me the truth? If once one has recognized the truth and seen it, you know that it is the truth and that there is no other and there cannot be, whether you are asleep or awake. Let it be a dream, so be it, but that real life of which you make so much I had meant to extinguish by suicide, and my dream, my dream–oh, it revealed to me a different life, renewed, grand and full of power!
ch 3
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“How can it be repeated and what for? I love and can love only that earth which I have left, stained with my blood, when, in my ingratitude, I quenched my life with a bullet in my heart. But I have never, never ceased to love that earth, and perhaps on the very night I parted from it I loved it more than ever. Is there suffering upon this new earth? On our earth we can only love with suffering and through suffering. We cannot love otherwise, and we know of no other sort of love. I want suffering in order to love. I long, I thirst, this very instant, to kiss with tears the earth that I have left, and I don’t want, I won’t accept life on any other!
The eyes of these happy people shone with a clear brightness. Their faces were radiant with the light of reason and fullness of a serenity that comes of perfect understanding, but those faces were gay; in their words and voices there was a note of childlike joy. Oh, from the first moment, from the first glance at them, I understood it all! It was the earth untarnished by the Fall; on it lived people who had not sinned. They lived just in such a paradise as that in which, according to all the legends of mankind, our first parents lived before they sinned; the only difference was that all this earth was the same paradise. These people, laughing joyfully, thronged round me and caressed me; they took me home with them, and each of them tried to reassure me. Oh, they asked me no questions, but they seemed, I fancied, to know everything without asking, and they wanted to make haste to smoothe away the signs of suffering from my face.
ch 4
They desired nothing and were at peace; they did not aspire to knowledge of life as we aspire to
understand it, because their lives were full. But their knowledge was higher and deeper than ours; for our science seeks to explain what life is, aspires to understand it in order to teach others how to love, while they without science knew how to live; and that I understood, but I could not understand their knowledge. They showed me their trees, and I could not understand the intense love with which they looked at them; it was as though they were talking with creatures like themselves. And perhaps I shall not be mistaken if I say that they conversed with them. Yes, they had found their language, and I am convinced that the trees understood them. They looked at all Nature like that–at the animals who lived in peace with them and did not attack them, but loved them,7
Oh, these people did not persist in trying to make me understand them, they loved me without that, but I knew that they would never understand me, and so I hardly spoke to them about our earth.
They had no temples, but they had a real living and uninterrupted sense of oneness with the whole of the universe
thurman interconnectedness law et al..
It was like being in love with each other, but an all-embracing, universal feeling.
pearson unconditional law et al
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..but the actual forms and images of my dream, that is, the very ones I really saw at the very time of my dream, were filled with such harmony, were so lovely and enchanting and were so actual, that on awakening I was, of course, incapable of clothing them in our poor language, so that they were bound to become blurred in my mind; and so perhaps I really was forced afterwards to make up the details, and so of course to distort them in my passionate desire to convey some at least of them as quickly as I could. But on the other hand, how can I help believing that it was all true? It was perhaps a thousand times brighter, happier and more joyful than I describe it
ch 5
They hardly remembered what they had lost, in fact refused to believe that they had ever been happy and innocent. They even laughed at the possibility o this happiness in the past, and called it a dream. They could not even imagine it in definite form and shape, but, strange and wonderful to relate, though they lost all faith in their past happiness and called it a legend, they so longed to be happy and innocent once more that they succumbed to this desire like children, made an idol of it, set up temples and worshipped their own idea, their own desire; though at the same time they fully believed that it was unattainable and could not be realised, yet they bowed down to it and adored it with tears! Nevertheless, if it could have happened that they had returned to the innocent and happy condition which they had lost, and if someone had shown it to them again and had asked them whether they wanted to go back to it, they would certainly have refused. They said to me: “We may be deceitful, wicked and unjust, we know it and weep over it, we grieve over it; we torment and punish ourselves more perhaps than that merciful Judge Who will judge us and whose Name we know not. But we have science, and by the means of it we shall find the truth and we shall arrive at it consciously. Knowledge is higher than feeling, the consciousness of life is higher than life. Science will give us wisdom, wisdom will reveal the laws, and the knowledge of the laws of happiness is higher than happiness.”
black science of people/whales law et al
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That is what they said, and after saying such things everyone began to love himself better than anyone else, and indeed they could not do otherwise. All became so jealous of the rights of their own personality that they did their very utmost to curtail and destroy them in others, and made that the chief thing in their lives. Slavery followed, even voluntary slavery; the weak eagerly submitted to the strong, on condition that the latter aided them to subdue the still weaker.
Then there arose men who began to think how to bring all people together again, so that everybody, while still loving himself best of all, might not interfere with others, and all might live together in something like a harmonious society. Regular wars sprang up over this idea. All the combatants at the same time firmly believed that science, wisdom and the instinct of self-preservation would force men at last to unite into a harmonious and rational society; and so, meanwhile, to hasten matters, ‘the wise’ endeavoured to exterminate as rapidly as possible all who were ‘not wise’ and did not understand their idea, that the latter might not hinder its triumph. . I told them that all this was my doing, mine alone; that it was I had brought them corruption, contamination and falsity. I besought them to crucify me, I taught them how to make a cross. I could not kill myself, I had not the strength, but I wanted to suffer at their hands. I yearned for suffering, I longed that my blood should be drained to the last drop in these agonies. But they only laughed at me, and began at last to look upon me as crazy. They justified me, they declared that they had only got what they wanted themselves, and that all that now was could not have been otherwise. At last they declared to me that I was becoming dangerous and that they should lock me up in a madhouse if I did not hold my tongue. Then such grief took possession of my soul that my heart was wrung, and I felt as though I were dying; and then . . . then I awoke.. Oh, I at that moment resolved
to spread the tidings, and resolved it, of course, for my whole life. I go to spread the tidings, I want to spread the tidings–of what? Of the truth, for I have seen it, have seen it with my own eyes, have seen it in all its glory. And since then I have been preaching! Moreover I love all those who laugh at me more than any of the rest. Why that is so I do not know and cannot explain, but so be it. I am told that I am vague and confused, and if I am vague and confused now, what shall I be later on? It is true indeed: I am vague and confused, and perhaps10
as time goes on I shall be more so. And of course I shall make many blunders before I find out how to preach, that is, find out what words to say, what things to do, for it is a very difficult task. I see all that as clear as daylight, but, listen, who does not make mistakes? An yet, you know, all are making for the same goal, all are striving in the same direction anyway, from the sage to the lowest robber, only by different roads. It is an old truth, but this is what is new: I cannot go far wrong. For I have seen the truth; I have seen and I know that people can be beautiful and happy without losing the power of living on earth. I will not and cannot believe that evil is the normal condition of mankind. And it is just this faith of mine that they laugh at. But how can I help believing it? I have seen the truth–it is not as though I had invented it with my mind, I have seen it, seen it, and the living image of it has filled my soul for ever. I have seen it in such full perfection that I cannot believe that it is impossible for people to have it. And so how can I go wrong? I shall make some slips no doubt, and shall perhaps talk in second-hand language, but not for long: the living image of what I saw will always be with me and will always correct and guide me.
what i’ve seen ness.. and warning ness and thinking restate/update 7.18 ness..
findings from on the ground ness:
1\ undisturbed ecosystem (common\ing) can happen
2\ if we create a way to facil the seeming chaos of 8b legit free people
But how establish paradise–I don’t know, because I do not know how to put it into words. After
my dream I lost command of words. All the chief words, anyway, the most necessary ones. But never mind, I shall go and I shall keep talking, I won’t leave off, for anyway I have seen it with my own eyes, though I cannot describe what I saw. But the scoffers do not understand that. It was a dream, they say, delirium, hallucination. Oh! As though that meant so much! And they are so proud! A dream! What is a dream? And is not our life a dream? I will say more. Suppose that this paradise will never come to pass (that I understand), yet I shall go on preaching it. And yet how simple it is: in one day, in one hour everything could be arranged at once! The chief thing is to love others like yourself, that’s the chief thing, and that’s everything; nothing else is wanted–you will find out at once how to arrange it all. And yet it’s an old truth which has been told and retold a billion times– but it has not formed part of our lives! The consciousness of life is higher than life, the knowledge of the laws of happiness is higher than happiness–that is what one must contend against. And I shall. If only everyone wants it, it can be arranged at once.
rather.. estab by not putting into words.. et al
nothing to date has gotten to the root of problem
legit freedom will only happen if it’s all of us.. and in order to be all of us.. has to be sans any form of measuring, accounting, people telling other people what to do
how we gather in a space is huge.. need to try spaces of permission where people have nothing to prove to facil curiosity over decision making.. because the finite set of choices of decision making is unmooring us.. keeping us from us..
ie: imagine if we listen to the itch-in-8b-souls 1st thing everyday & use that data to connect us (tech as it could be.. ai as augmenting interconnectedness)
the thing we’ve not yet tried/seen: the unconditional part of left to own devices ness
[‘in an undisturbed ecosystem ..the individual left to its own devices.. serves the whole’ –dana meadows]
there’s a legit use of tech (nonjudgmental exponential labeling) to facil the seeming chaos of a global detox leap/dance.. for (blank)’s sake..
ie: whatever for a year.. a legit sabbatical ish transition
otherwise we’ll keep perpetuating the same song.. the whac-a-mole-ing ness of sea world.. of not-us ness
it can happen in an instant.. ie: global detox leap ness
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notes/quotes from will’s substack post [https://willruddick.substack.com/p/the-dream-of-a-ridiculous-man]:
the way back isn’t a grand design but a rhythm of honest reciprocity: curate clear, modest commitments; let peers witness and record fulfillment in shared memory; set gentle limits that honor people, time, and land; and redeem promises in felt care.
to me.. this is a cancerous distraction.. ie: reciprocity ness; promise/commitment aka: contracts law ness; ..
Dostoevsky’s diagnosis is moral and systemic. A lie isn’t merely a private fault – it breaks the medium of cooperation. Without trustworthy speech, communities replace living reciprocity with symbols and force: badges, laws, punishments.
to me.. reciprocity is already all of those.. just in a seemingly nicer vein
So again what “container” can hold the energy of lies, exaggeration and self-justification without letting it poison the whole? The answer cannot be mere sincerity; it must be relational testing – truth verified by others who share memory with us. Networks of commitments pools ….
to me.. relational testing.. verification ness.. commitment ness.. is all what keeps us perpetuating myth of tragedy and lord.. he thing we’ve not yet tried/seen: the unconditional part of left to own devices ness
[‘in an undisturbed ecosystem ..the individual left to its own devices.. serves the whole’ –dana meadows]
d: We may be deceitful, wicked and unjust, we know it and weep over it… But we have science, and by the means of it we shall find the truth… Knowledge is higher than feeling, the consciousness of life is higher than life. Science will give us wisdom… the knowledge of the laws of happiness is higher than happiness.”
yeah.. to me.. science/truth/knowledge are all science scientifically.. none of it legit.. to me .. nothing is know able.. graeber can’t know law.. et al.. laws of happiness?.. unsettling
What fails in the story is not curiosity or method; it’s the severing of knowledge from responsibility, metrics from mutual care.
this to me .. also a very unsettling statement.. ie: responsibility ness, graeber violence/quantification law, et al.. legit freedom will only happen if it’s all of us.. and in order to be all of us.. has to be sans any form of measuring, accounting, people telling other people what to do.. no one in charge of another.. no one measuring another.. et al
d: If only everyone wants it, it can be arranged at once.”
that’s why we need to org around legit needs (ie: problem deep enough).. something every heart already craves.. no prep.. no train
His simple truth here about love …. is raw and beautiful.
“But how establish paradise—I don’t know, because I do not know how to put it into words.”
As though there is no way to reverse the damage ??? ….. he believes there is but doesn’t know how.
Dostoevsky touches the nerve: love is the law, but *how do we operationalize it without turning it into domination? He refuses blueprints and is right to be wary. **Yet communities still need forms that protect truthfulness and keep love from dissolving into slogans.
*yeah.. let’s focus on that.. ie: he thing we’ve not yet tried/seen: the unconditional part of left to own devices ness.. there’s a legit use of tech (nonjudgmental exponential labeling) to facil the seeming chaos of a global detox leap/dance.. for (blank)’s sake..
ie: whatever for a year.. a legit sabbatical ish transition
otherwise we’ll keep perpetuating the same song.. the whac-a-mole-ing ness of sea world.. of not-us ness
**to me.. this is whalespeak
Here the practice proposed supplies the missing middle. If lying breaks the medium, then the repair is truthful coordination – small, witnessed promises that restore the commons’ memory.
not ‘lying’.. but missing pieces.. not truthful coord.. unless by that we mean the dance (note: list below are all cancerous distractions to the dance)
- Curation: speak clear, modest commitments (who/what/when) and invite witnesses.
- Valuation: record fulfilled care as shared memory; let trust grow through attestations, not self-claims.
- Limitation: set gentle issuance limits tied to people, time, and land; tighten gracefully when signals drift.
- Exchange: redeem promises in the concrete—meals, repair, teaching, tending—so credibility equals service, not spin.
and let me not forget ….- Repair: when we miss, we confess, make amends, and reopen capacity. This institutionalizes Fyodor’s own turn from lie to truth.
so many red flags.. ie: clear, commitments, invite, record, attest, limits, signals, exchange, promises, concrete..
Holding Truth is deeply contained in commitment pooling: we make clear, modest promises; we let peers witness and record what’s fulfilled; we set gentle limits that honor people, time, and land; and we redeem commitments in concrete care. This shared, living ledger becomes our relational memory – truth verified in community rather than asserted alone. When we miss the mark, we confess and repair, which reopens trust capacity and keeps the memory clean. In short, Truth is “held” not by proclamations but by a rhythm of witnessed reciprocity.
will on commitment pooling et al
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this is ridiculous ness
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be you. 