distraction

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adding page while thinking about all the social misfit ness of me/peopel.. all the: do you even see the people in front of you ness; this is the longest i’ve seen  you stick with anything ness; i’ve never had a relationship like this ness; .. et al

this is me talking for me (now – who knows what i’ll think tomorrow) – not judging anyone else – not knowing anyone else really – enough – to know..

feelings/grokkings.. percolating over the years – ie last 10ish – (perhaps even part of my deep make-up/leaning) – and esp since i decided 4 yrs ago to stop taking money for work (gratitude to people spotting/carrying me.. till things change &/or my supposed pera comes thru for payback).. so that i could focus 100% on this thing that i see.. this other way to live.. that i believe 100% of souls are craving.. and that i believe is currently 100% possible..

in that realm.. while i’ve disengaged from social ness.. 1/ because costello law.. (seems unethical to flap about utopia ness when mech not yet in place.. gets people’s hopes up et al).. iand 2\ because the social ness in this intoxicating world.. is a distraction for me. (perhaps more so because i’m so autistically ocd sensitive or whatever.. not social norms normal) .. the small talk.. fine dining.. joviality.. none of it bad.. but to me.. now.. a distraction.. and to point of adding this page.. like a bad mental trip.. distracting me from what i can’t not do.. because i’m all in to this global systemic change.. for everyone.. for all the homeless/hurting/dying i see but can’t possibly help (mostly because it’s deeper than that.. for all of us).. and for my kids and their kids.. and all the kids kids..

i’m not not social (or i am – not social – via today’s practice).. rather i’m all-out/in ..seeking a deeper social.. that all of us can leap to

yeah.. i knew i couldn’t pen this.. but oh well..

perhaps – the reason i jump – will shed some words/verbiage.. to the need to avoid .. these normals because they’re (for me) distractions

thinking.. always thinking..

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prep/training as distraction/oppression .. ie: keep putting people on hold

let’s try a nother way
ie: hlb via 2 convos that io dance.. as the day..[aka: not part\ial.. for (blank)’s sake…]..  a nother way