adding page while listening to Gabor Maté for the millionth time.. (thank god)
maté trauma law et al
23 min – human beings are ultimately creatures of connection.. if there’s no connection.. there’d be no human life.. no human being could evolve on his/her own.. if we were like snakes.. we wouldn’t survive.. we were wired to connect.. that wiring for connection stays with us all our lives.. so we’re social creatures.. that’s part of our nature
thurman interconnectedness law: when you understand interconnectedness it makes you more afraid of hating than of dying – Robert Thurman (@BobThurman)
22 min – and fundamentally what happens is.. whatever diminishes/denies/subverts our need for connection is going to lead to some kind of pathology
22 min – trauma is the disconnection.. the essence of trauma is disconnection from *self/others..
suffering pain and being traumatized are not the same thing.. if suffer pain with disconnect.. not traumatized..
nov 2017 interview on realm o h g.. at genius network
6 min – the addiction wasn’t your problem.. your addiction was your attempt to solve the problem.. ie: how come w 7 bn humans in world.. you felt lonely.. lack of power.. et al.. not why the addiction.. but why the pain
current model of addiction – 1\ legal: choice they make so have to punish them.. or 2\ medical.. inherited brian disease.. it isn’t either – it’s an attempt to solve a human life problem.. ie: pain, distress.. so .. what happened in my life that we incurred pain.. and how do we deal w it..
7 min – the addiction itself magnifies the pain..
15 min – on aboriginal addictions et al
dang Gabor.. i wish the world could pause.. take a listen.. and ask.. so what do you we do..
re set.. global re set
17 min – every case of addiction originates in trauma
22 mn – reading almaas quote (i think)
23 min – nobody abused me .. i just had a depressed and fearful mother.. children who are more sensitive.. pick up on that.. adaptations children employ to protect selves from stress.. actually become problems later on
if look at question of why between 2002-2013 (approx).. the rate of add diagnoses in american kids have gone of up 3 fold.. what’s going on is the parenting environ has become increasingly stressed..
for all kinds of reasons.. and how do they cope.. they tune out.. and now medicated.. we’re not looking at.. what is it about the environ.. and i’m only talking about add
24 min –apparently now 1/3 teens and adults suffer from anxiety.. why.. if genetic wouldn’t be increasing.. the conditions in which children are growing up are getting more and more stressful.. and that has to do w stress of parents.. ie: the workaholism of the parents..
28 min – choices for people a addiction .. rational: 1\ i can’t stay w you 2\ i can stay w you but won’t try to change you.. irrational: stay w person and try to change them
30 min – say to addict.. thank you for being the sensitive one for saying for all of us.. what’s hidden in the family.. let’s heal together.. heal the whole family system.. but we’re not going to judge you whether you join us or not
31 min – origin of ‘addiction’ is slavery.. so it’s a really good work.. but just like all other words.. become pejorative.. outlaw word addict.. and say.. this person in pain..
33 min – not in words we use.. but how we view people.. the fundamental attitude needs to shift..
34 min – ie: if i were working w weinstein.. i wouldn’t judge.. i would ask.. what did the addiction give you.. and whatever that was.. how did you lose it
35 min – accept people as they are.. not judge them.. understand they are slaves to something inside them.. something happened to create that compulsions.. and that something that happened was rooted in pain..
have to get to the core trauma..
rarely today do we deal w the trauma.. the medical profession is traumaphoic
36 min – epigenetics.. on top of genetics.. genes are turned off and on by environ.. so trauma is passed on both behaviorally.. 90% brain formed after birth.. affected by environ.. so not just behavioral.. but physiological in brain.. so .. gene function also affected.. so it’s all these things coming together
38 min – having said that.. neuroplasticity.. can change.. that’s why recovery to important.. what do you do in recovery.. get it back.. in trauma lost of self.. in recover.. get it back..
1 yr to be 5 again..
39 min – the trauma wasn’t the rape.. not saying the rape wasn’t traumatic.. but.. ie: from 8-10 raped and talking to no one about it.. that was the trauma
40 min – the rape comes along as a secondary trauma (because parents whoever.. that you could have talked to but weren’t available.. or who raped you.. experienced trauma as well).. the first trauma was loss of protection/connection/safety in the world..
now in terms of how you interact w them (people who abused you) in present.. that depends precisely on where you are at…
41 min – the more you heal 1\ the less a psych threat they are to you and 2\ might find self getting to point of compassion for them.. because recovery is so complete.. because i can assure you the perpetrator was another traumatized person
43 min – what is depression – push it down.. so if anger is coming out.. that’s great.. but hope get help expressing in a healthy way.. no reason not to be angry
46 min – some of the respectable addictions have to do w profit and power.. which .. can cause severe damage in the world.. ie: climate.. power.. people can die.. there are respectable addictions and then these arbitrarily chosen addicts on whom we project all our distain and self-judgment
49 mi – the more you stress people.. the more they stay in their addiction.. ie: best system for addictions.. our criminal justice system
50 min – how human this phenom of addiction is.. approach w understanding and curiosity .. real compassionate curiosity for ourselves..
51 min – 2 kinds of trauma.. 1\ overt (something bad happens ie: abuse) and 2\ developmental (something good that should have happened doesn’t ie: connection).. and trauma again: separates ourselves.. we lose ourselves.. also gives us a very negative view of the world..
1\ if we have a negative view of world.. we act accordingly.. we’re defensive and grandiose and aggressive.. (talking about mind states here.. not politics).. the man who said the world is a horrible place is president of the us.. that’s the world he lives in .. why does he live in that world.. he grew up in a family that taught him that (father aggressive.. brother drank himself to death).. so all these diagnoses on him are not false.. they’re the outcome of trauma.. so there’s that overt trauma.. and we live in such a traumatized society that these people actually rise to the top..
52 min – 2\ but his opponent was even more interesting.. when Hillary won nomination.. video about Hillary’s life.. presented as an ie of wonderful character building.. strength building parenting.. 4 yr old.. runs into home because neighborhood kids are bullying her.. and mother says.. no room for cowards in this house.. now you get out there.. and deal w it.. presented as this made me tough.. actual message to 4 yr old was: there’s no room for vulnerability.. then 65 years later.. trump hovers over her and she says nothing.. sucks it up.. gets pneumonia.. doesn’t tell anyone.. that’s the developmental trauma..
54 min – not when something bad happens to you.. but the good things that should happen don’t happen..
via Jason fb share
why are so many adults haunted by trauma (interview from june 2017)
The essence of trauma is disconnection from ourselves. Trauma is not terrible things that happen from the other side—those are traumatic. But the trauma is that very separation from the body and emotions. So, the real question is, ..
“How did we get separated and how do we reconnect?”
It’s not an automatic outcome of living in the world that we should become disconnected. It’s a product of a certain way of life and a certain way of parenting and certain childhood experiences, where it becomes too painful to stay connected so disconnection becomes a defense.
JN: So, as a society and as individuals, what is the way back to wholeness?
GM: It’s impossible under capitalism, because the essence of capitalism is to separate the mind from the body.
People matter only insofar as they produce, consume, or own matter.
2 part interview on the fix – dec 2017
p1 – addiction
In the addiction movement, people talk about recovery. What does it mean to recover something — it means to find it. When you recover something, you get it back. In other words, what we get back is ourselves. That self is never actually lost. If we can identify how we lost the way and how
p2 – trump/trauma/compassion
If people can just listen to the other person’s experience, then they could see them and feel compassion for the pain that they are experiencing. It might be necessary to take away the word addict because the word is now packed with so many negative connotations of stigma. Every time you want to say the word “addict,” you have to say instead: “A human being who suffered so much that he or she finds in drugs or some other behavior a temporary escape from that suffering.” What if we were forced to say that every time we wanted to say addict?
John Hagel (@jhagel) tweeted at 6:41 AM – 5 May 2018 :
Researchers found that our guts may harbor evidence of difficult life experiences many years later. These changes in our “second brain” may substantially alter the structure of our first, creating a feedback loop between the two https://t.co/Y9hCBrSe1V (http://twitter.com/jhagel/status/992746066347995136?s=17)