gabor on childhood trauma
28 min interview (jun 2019) w Gabor:
in a certain sense i’m an absolute imposter.. because i write all these diff books.. i speak in many diff countries.. i talk about addiction and child development and stress and parenting.. and i’m only saying one thing.. when you treat children well they’re going to be ok.. if you don’t treat them well they’re not going to be ok.. a very simple message.. that anybody’s great grandmother could have told.. so the fact that this is even necessary a sign of the times
2 min – so much of what people suffer from relates to childhood experience
3 min – important to define trauma: from greek wound.. when loss of feeling .. loss of awareness of feeling.. reduced flexibility in responding to the world.. a hardness there.. in response to the wound.. so trauma is a psychic wound that hardens you psychologically .. but then interferes w your ability to grow/develop.. it pains you .. so now acting out of pain.. it induces fear.. so now acting out of fear.. so w/o knowing it your whole life is regulated by fear and pain that you’re trying to escape from by various ways.. that’s what trauma is.. so trauma is not what happens to you .. trauma is what happens inside of you as a result of what happened.. trauma is that scaring that makes you less flexible.. more rigid.. less feeling.. and more defended
5 min – this is a highly traumatized society
6 min – majority of people don’t understand trauma.. ie: something horrific happening rather than an internal psychic wound.. avg med student doesn’t even hear the word psychic trauma in their ed.. legal system knows nothing of trauma.. so used punishment.. rather than supporting really troubling people..
8 min – w/o capacity to know what feel and interpret appropriately .. lost.. we’re born w that.. but adults ignore gut feelings..
9 min – if environ cannot support gut feelings and healthy emotions .. then child in order to belong.. fit in.. will automatically/unwittingly/unconsciously.. repress their emotions/connections to self for the sake of staying connected to the nurturing environ.. w/o which the child can’t survive.. a lot of children are in this dilemma.. do i feel/express what i feel.. or do i have to suppress that in order to be acceptable.. to be a good/nice kid
10 min – if parents themselves are not in touch w their feelings .. they can’t tolerate the child’s feelings.. it threatens them.. auto disconnect w selves to continue to be looked after.. then get to.. i don’t know who i am.. realize not living own lives..
11 min – (study 2 days ago) 80% of people in canada stressed by jobs.. the more disconnected kids are.. the more they can fit into econ that doesn’t care about human feelings but rather profitability/production.. so just a cycle that keeps going
12 min – so your new book – myth of normal illness/health in an insane culture.. how insane is our culture
depends how you define sanity.. what makes society insane is that it tramples on human needs
so when someone is normal in society.. they’re conforming to an insane standard..
then book on connecting parents w adult children.. writing w son
i would say almost every mental health disorder originates in childhood experience and originates as a coping mech
14 min – in early life.. anxiety is an attachment alarm.. child’s biggest need.. attachment.. serves a positive purpose.. fear is adaptive.. a coping mech
15 min – but what happens to a person whose parents are taught by med experts ie: not to pick up kids when crying.. now natural fear.. that causes the crying.. that brings parent.. which ends the anxiety.. is embedded in the child.. so what begins as a coping mech becomes generalized..
16 min – so when ie: anxiety attacks.. is not anything external.. it’s the embedded anxiety developed as a child
in a society that makes people more isolated all the time.. there’s more general threat.. and when that general threat hits people who are in childhood over immersed in anxiety that’s not relieved by the parent coming to help them.. so to your friends (w panic attacks).. see that that anxiety is a normal response to what actually happened to them (as children).. and that it can be relieved/recovered-from if they look at its sources
18 min – suggestions to people waking up to this.. continue.. on my gravestone: a lot more work than i anticipated.. it’s a lot of work but it’s necessary/beautiful work.. the more you get to know yourself.. the freer you are.. approach self w genuine curiosity/compassion.. what is this all about..
20 min – on ayahuasca – can relive/revision childhood experience w insight of an adult.. get to know true nature.. not for everybody.. but for a lot of people can be profound journeys of the soul
23 min – mind and body can’t be separated.. a lot of stresses that were suppressed in childhood as coping mech.. i feel disease is body saying not to stresses in life they haven’t said no to.. so ask self.. ie: how much of a people pleaser are you et al
25 min – as 18 yr old i was very focused on fixing world.. nothing wrong with that but was also an escape from stress i was facing.. so i’d say.. get to know yourself.. and combine curiosity (really don’t know.. really open to finding out) about self.. on real needs