premiered in 2014 – 2 hour doc on rich mullins


ragamuffin – This poignant biopic tells the true story of Rich Mullins, a musical prodigy who rose to fame as a Christian music artist only to walk away from it all to live on a Navajo reservation.




5 min – not because people explained nuts/bolts .. but because people were willing to be the nuts/bolts

graeber model law

11 min – music only thing that made sense to me.. made me feel like i was home

12 min – i hate being different.. sometimes i wish i was more like them.. i don’t belong here


15 min – st francis of assisi: ‘these possessions.. praise.. adoration our society craves.. is no use to me.. god calls every man but not every man responds.. ‘ – rich: st francis was wild.. he fell madly in love w jesus.. gave up everything he had.. i connected to the story in a lot of ways.. he just had this radical trust in god.. a trust i didn’t have.. but i wanted it.. wasn’t going to happen by staying home.. so i left

22 min – j: i’m terrified of myself sometimes.. of this loneliness i feel inside me.. r: even when you’re as close as you can be to another person.. even when you’re touching.. j: that’s exactly it.. r: feel lonely now?

soulmate ness


24 min – we were just two lonely people that found each other in the dark.. i felt like i was home


26 min – (brian calls to say amy wants his song) r: not really interested.. b: i don’t think you understand what we’re offering you here.. this is a real game changer.. r: i’m not sure i want my game to be changed b: you have a real gift.. maybe you should be using it.. r: well i think i am using it

33 min – morris: relationships are funny that way.. they don’t necessarily fix those kinds of problems.. if you give up this dream for that dream.. might lose both..

willard soul hunger law

jesus didn’t have a girl.. didn’t have a home to take her to.. was a vagabond.. only thing i know is jesus would not like nashville.. cheesy artists trying to make a cheap buck off his name.. makes me puke .. i don’t know if god needs me to change nashville

34 min – morris: just have to be careful thinking holiness is about finding right place and doing right things.. it’s really about loving god in the moment.. god loves you no matter what you choose.. and he’s going to be there

35 min – (after discipline/rule-book/do’s-don’t’s preacher) – rich: carl bart was asked – what is most theologically profound statement.. and this is how he responded: jesus loves me this i know (rich sings)

bn – love

what if love

et al

38 min – every time we get together we’re confessing we’re hypocrites.. it’s all the pretending to be perfect that breeds inauthenticity in the church.. because none of us are.. i’ve been wrestling w surrender.. but he loves us still.. doesn’t matter if i go or don’t go (to nashville) in end.. all that really matters: jesus loves me

44 min – they say my songs are too dark.. not happy/cheery enough

smiles ness

46 min – people ask – how do you feel close to god.. all heroes not close.. closeness to god isn’t about feelings.. it’s about obedience.. if we don’t obey.. don’t even have a chance..

yeah.. only line i don’t buy (and at end when says assisi took vow of obedience).. doesn’t fit with rest of his words.. doesn’t resonate w jesus loves me .. with unconditional ness.. et al

47 min – secret ..all heroes struggled.. with loneliness.. all of it.. it’s just that some of us aren’t afraid to admit it

49 min – song: ‘it’s ok to be lonely as long as you’re free.. treat me like pauper/prince.. i don’t care.. when i go i want to go out like elijah.. chariot on fire.. when i look back on the stars.. it’ll be like a candle light on central park.. it won’t break my heart to say goodbye’

ref to lennon‘s death

50 min – being on road was much better than being in studio.. but funny how you can meet 100s of new people a day and still feel completely alone

55 min – i think maybe god wanted me to be celibate.. and the way he accomplished that was to break my heart

58 min – i’m not trying to be a christian pop star.. just trying to say something true.. don’t change my songs

59 min – brian – manager: he has more talent than anyone i’ve ever seen.. what if he never gets off the ground

that’s all of us.. no? all artists if legit free

and what’s the ground.. what’s off the ground..? who’s deciding all that

1:01 – (fell in love w indian reservation) – like being in another world.. beautiful but sad at same time.. children played in run down streets.. there’s great need here.. got to here stories.. one of most real experiences of my life.. didn’t want it to end

1:03 – kid had to share.. had shot self in stomach.. depression/despair.. so desperate to kill self.. then humiliation at failing even at that.. tried to tell him he wasn’t along.. put words into song – ‘seems you can never get too far.. someone’s waiting to grow wings.. upon your flightless heart.. you’re on the verge of a miracle..love that seems so far away.. is standing very near.. you’re on the verge of a miracle.. open your eyes and see’

surfing – when surfing for (addiction) he knows you’re surfing for you

1:06 – brian: you’re not as good as you think.. all this talking has got to stop.. people are paying to hear you sing not talk.. you’re there to make fans not enemies.. rich: that’s what happens when you’re honest w religious people.. brian: yeah.. those religious people are paying your bills.. if records don’t selling .. it’s over.. rich: you think i give a damn about that brian: no i don’t.. it’s disrespectful.. to me.. fans.. and mostly disrespectful to god.. for giving you all this ability.. you keep laughing .. i think you’re scared

wtf.. respect ness oi.. be unoffendable man

disrespect to god for not going after the label? for going to the reservation instead?

1:09 – next day mowing his lawn to apologize


1:11 – sam: how are you doing rich: not so well.. drinking a lot.. i hate myself sam: don’t do that rich: what the drinking sam: no.. the hating..

1:14 – christianity isn’t about finding your perfect little niche in world.. w perfect wife/kids.. it’s about learning to love like jesus.. and jesus loved the poor/broken..

again.. willard soul hunger law

love one another

pearson unconditional law

kownacki hear\t law

1:15 – i got sick of the fame/attention.. pretty fast..

1:16 – brian: you’re finally on top.. if you leave now you risk losing everything.. rich: i don’t know if i’m concerned about it either way

1:17 – brian: you know what a person is that doesn’t want anything and doesn’t fear anybody..? dangerous

how about alive

crazywise et al

1:18 – (talking to justin) – not about being perfect.. look at st francis.. he took vows.. he took a vow of poverty/chastity/obedience.. i think that’s what we’re really missing.. that’s what i want to do.. i think i want to start living on the avg salary (j: says the man making millions) who cares.. money destroys people (j: money doesn’t have to destroy people) .. it’s destroying me

1:28 – god loves you even when you don’t feel it.. i know it.. but i don’t get it.. i feel broken.. the only thing that makes me feel good is not pretending otherwise

sam: well.. that’s a good place to start.. we’re going to be ok

magis esse quam videri

1:30 – (justin plays brennan manning tape): ‘i’m now utterly convinced.. on judgement day.. lord will ask only one question.. did you believe that i loved/desired you.. i waited for you.. longed to hear sound of your voice..

surfing – he knows you’re surfing for him.. voice ness

1:32 – brennan manning (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brennan_Manning): ‘there’s the diff between real believers and nominal christians..no one can measure like a believer the depth and intensity of god’s love.. only going to be as big as your concept of god – we make god in our own image.. fussy, rude, narrowminded.. judgmental, legalistic, unloving as we are.. the god of so many christians i meet is too small for me.. god’s saying.. ‘i know your whole story.. right now i know.. and my word to you is this.. i dare you to trust that i love you.. just as you are..not as you should be..because none of us are as we should be.’

willard soul hunger law

1:33 – (meets w brennan) – recovering aa.. and loves hot fudge sundaes

brennan: right now do you think you’re free rich: what do you mean free brennan: free man wouldn’t need to ask


1:34 – rich: ‘i feel like a failure.. on stage all the time.. voice of hope.. perfect.. i’m always carrying around this darkness.. ‘ brennan: ‘we’re all fighting the same battle.. heart of ragamuffin gospel.. ragamuffin’s saved sinners.. little in own sight.. aware of their brokenness.. knows he’s only a beggar at door of god’s mercy.. ‘

judgement ness.. too much ness.. supposed to’s..


1:39 – when doing things that corrupt our lives.. just trying to comfort some ache we have..

maté addiction law


1:40 – why are we all walking around church wearing these masks.. pretending to be perfect.. so exhausting.. i think our only hope is the love of god

masks and measures

1:45 – song: ‘this world is not my home.. can’t feel at home in this world..’


1:51 – song: ‘surrender don’t come natural to me.. you’ve been my prince of glory.. won’t you be my prince of peace’

1:57 – brennan: ‘abba (daddy) – i belong to you’

brown belonging law

2:02 – be brave in your pain

(gabor on) pain

2:04 – don’t have to impress god – he’s already knocked out by you..

surfing – he knows you’re really seeking him

picasso: ‘good taste is enemy of great art’ and i think that’s really true because good taste has everything to do with being cultured/refined..if art has to do w anything it has to do w being human

art – being human

2:05 – when i was depressed as kid.. people always saying.. cheer up.. god loves you.. and i’d say.. big deal god loves everybody.. that doesn’t make me special.. just proves that god’s got no taste.. and i don’t think he does.. thank god..

i think god takes the messy/ugly in our lives and makes the most beautiful art out of it.. and if you were half as cultured and refined as most christians wish you were.. it would be useless to christianity.. but god is a wild man.. and i hope that someday you have the chance to encounter him.. if you do.. hold on for dear life.. or let go for dear life.. maybe is better..


bn – let go .. cling\ness

song – ‘there’s a wideness in god’s mercy.. oh.. the love of god’

2:09 – people are going to judge/condemn you.. i would rather live on verge of falling and let my security be found in the all sufficiency of the grace of god than to live in some pietistical illusion of moral excellence

2:10 – not gonna matter if have few scars but will matter if you didn’t live

thurman alive law


from live concert – Rich Mullins – Wheaton College Chapel Service (Full Concert, 1997) – [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHaCIB5nhBM]

21 min – better ways to become poor than by farming.. better ways to become boring than by academia.. i don’t think people really care about theory of relativity.. i think everybody really just wants to know they are loved.. and if we just knew that.. we wouldn’t worry about the rest of the stuff.. the rest of the stuff would be more fun..

32 min – a lot in the christian culture i don’t quite get.. awkward..

i think my folks underlined all the wrong scriptures.. ie: born again.. only said one time.. and then we had the born again movement.. the bible says so many things you can’t follow it all..

literacy and numeracy both elements of colonialism/control/enclosure.. we need to calculate differently and stop measuring things

34 min – proof texting book about christ and christ said.. you search the scriptures to find life and not going to find it there.. but we don’t underline that.. but we live in a time that we believe that there are answers.. not even sure why we came to believe the questions are all that important.. ie: rich young ruler..

36 min – jesus.. come in like a child.. hard enough to believe a smart person could be god.. let alone someone (playing w kids)

37 min – then guy asks.. what must i do to have eternal life.. jesus had just answered his question before he asked it.. not what you do.. but who you are.. be a child..

not yet scrambled ness

38 min – we’re so arrogant we don’t listen to god.. god is so humble he looks at us.. he’s quite taken w us.. jesus tells man he loved him.. when guy was using jesus as a photo opp.. then jesus tells him to get rid of possessions.. something he didn’t tell nicodemus to do.. (who was wrapped up in heritage/genes).. maybe more important (than all questions) is that we know jesus.. sometimes we think christianity will become communicated when we become intelligent/articulate.. christianity is communicated same way diseases are.. thru touch, breath, life.. not thru info.. not by having a great head.. but from being connected to a great god

song: if i stand let me stand on the promise that you will bring me thru.. if i fall.. thru grace.. if sing.. thru joy.. if i weep.. as a man who is longing for his home