gabor on parenting
gabor maté on parenting ness
via tweet [https://x.com/newstart_2024/status/2011820001922040254?s=20]:
Dr. Gabor Maté’s 58-second truth bomb every parent needs to hear: The first 3 years are EVERYTHING. Get the emotional template right — unconditional love, real attunement, play, full permission to feel every emotion, no need to perform or “be good” to earn your acceptance — and you can hardly go wrong later. Get it wrong — emotional absence, conditional approval, not truly seeing/understanding them — and you will hurt them deeply, even if you never meant to. They just need to be. Not perform. Not earn. Just be. 58-sec clip — the foundation most parents never hear spoken so clear Which part of this hits you hardest — as a parent now, or as someone who needed it as a child?
notes/quotes from 1 min video clip:
if parents actually understood first of all.. that the first three years are everything.. that if they get the template right in the first three years.. they can hardly set a foot wrong afterwards
but on the other hand.. if we’re not present for our kids emotionally.. if we don’t understand them.. if we don’t see them.. if we don’t attune to their emotional states.. we’re gonna hurt them..
and if they understood what the needs of children are.. i mention some of them.. for play.. for experience of all emotions.. for unconditional loving attachment..
pearson unconditional law et al
for the child being able to rest from having to work to make the relationship work.. so the child doesn’t have to be good or nice or beautiful or successful.. they just have to be
brown belonging law et al
so we don’t impose conditions on our approval and acceptance on them.. if parents just understood that..
which no one has to date.. because we’re all so intoxicated.. maté parenting law et al..
so.. for all of us.. nothing yet has gotten to the root of problem
legit freedom will only happen if it’s all of us.. and in order to be all of us.. has to be sans any form of measuring, accounting, people telling other people what to do
how we gather in a space is huge.. need to try spaces of permission where people have nothing to prove to facil curiosity over decision making.. because the finite set of choices of decision making is unmooring us.. keeping us from us..
the thing we’ve not yet tried/seen: the unconditional part of left to own devices ness
[‘in an undisturbed ecosystem ..the individual left to its own devices.. serves the whole’ –dana meadows]
there’s a legit use of tech (nonjudgmental exponential labeling) to facil the seeming chaos of a global detox leap/dance.. for (blank)’s sake..
ie: whatever for a year.. a legit sabbatical ish transition
otherwise we’ll keep perpetuating the same song.. the whac-a-mole-ing ness of sea world.. of not-us ness.. of part\ial ness.. [again].. for (blank)’s sake..
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be you. 