maté parenting law

mate parenting.png


maté parenting law: there’s a confluence with the needs of the econ and the way we parent kids.. the more disconnected kids are .. the more they can fit into the econ  – Gabor Maté


maté parenting lawearn a living ness.. et al


from gabor on childhood trauma:

9 min – we were born w that capacity.. never met an infant not connected to gut feelings.. by the time talk to many adults.. many don’t even have gut feelings.. because they ignore them.. so something happens from infancy to adulthood that disconnects us.. what is that..t

not yet scrambled ness

what that is is the need for acceptance by our environ.. if our environ cannot/will-not accept our gut feelings and healthy emotions.. then the child in order to belong and fit in will automatically/unwittingly/unconsciously repress/suppress emotions and connection to self for the sake of staying connected to the nurturing environ.. w/o which the child can’t survive.. t

maté trump law

brown belonging law

10 min – a lot of children are in this dilemma.. do i feel/express what i feel or do i have to suppress that in order to be acceptable.. to be a good/nice kid..t

if parent isn’t in touch with self.. can’t tolerate the child’s feelings.. react in anger.. and the child learns.. i mustn’t feel what i feel.. because i have to belong to my parents.. a tragic choice.. not even a choice.. automatic.. then we get into adulthood.. and.. i don’t even know who i am..t

11 min – fit w econ ..(study/report this summer .. 80% of males in canada stressed in jobs) .. econ needs people who will go into meaningless/drudgery/intolerable (jobs) .. but will put up with it.. so there’s a confluence with the needs of the econ and the way we parent kids.. t

bs jobs et al

the more disconnected kids are .. the more they can fit into the econ.. t.. that doesn’t care about human feelings.. just cares about profit and production.. so just a cycle..


via david graeber and nika dubrovsky – 

@davidgraeber and I are talking about:
What could possibly be wrong with loving your children? via @YouTube

Original Tweet:

3 min – so care is transformed into this force that divides people.. one of the things i’ve been looking at.. how care turns into a pernicious phenom.. how it turns into almost a form of violence.. t

maté parenting law et al – on care for children even turning to structural violence ie: supposed to’s of school/work et al

and there are so many diff ways that it happens.. and one of the ways.. the simplest perhaps.. that you can’t care equally for everyone and obviously you’re going to care for your own children most of all .. most people will.. and i think in a lot of ways having kids is a way of giving up being selfless toward society at large.. or other people.. people accept incredible injustice.. ie: ‘i know that what i’m doing is evil.. but i do it for my children.. i know that the system obscene and destructive .. but i’ll just think of my children’.. and esp that’s what holds us together over time.. really care about kids and their future.. but in order to do that you have to keep the institutional more or less the same 20 yrs from now.. there’s a deep social conservatism that comes out of the future that you envision for your children..t

yeah that.. again maté parenting law

graeber parent/care law

graeber care/free law: you take care of a child so the child can go and play.. that’s what children actually do when you take care of them.. play and freedom are ultimately the same thing – david graeber


from murray bookchin‘s ecology of freedom:


in many respects, *‘civilization’ involves a massive enterprise to undo the impact of maternal care nurture, and modes of thought on the character structure of the offspring.. the imagery of growing up has actually come to mean growing away from a maternal, domestic world of mutual support , concern and love into one made shapeless, unfeeling and harsh.. to accommodate humanity to war, exploitation, political obedience ..t.. and rule involves the undoing not only of human ‘first nature’ as and animal but also of human ‘second nature’ as a child who lives in dependency and protective custody under the eyes and in the arms of its mother.. what we so facilely call ‘maturity’ is not ordinarily an ethically desirable process of growth and humanization.. to become an ‘autonomous’ ‘perceptive’ ‘experienced’ and ‘competent’ adult involves terms that historically possess very mixed meanings.. **the child’s growth away form the values of a caring mother toward autonomy and independence becomes a cultural travesty and a psychological disaster when it results in a youth’s degrading dependency upon the caprices of an egotistical and unfeeling taskmaster.. t

huge huge huge

*jensen civilization law.. maté parenting law.. graeber parent/care law.. et al **khan filling the gaps law .. et al






wisdom of trauma – parenting

Krishnamurti – parents

safety addiction et al