gabor on democracy now
compilation of interviews from 2010 compiled in 2012 of Gabor Maté on democracy now [hungry ghosts just coming out.. other books at that time: when body says no, scattered, hold on to kids (notes on Gabor and attachment pages)]
esp about realm of hungry ghosts
11 min – if get impression early in life that world doesn’t want you.. spend life trying to be liked.. soothed..
12 min – on add.. if recognized not a disease.. and not genetic.. then knowing neuroplasticity .. capacity of brain to change.. then question.. not how to control systems.. but how to promote development.. begs more compassionate/caring..
13 min -Naguib Mahfouz: nothing records the effects of a sad life so graphically as the human body..
esp about scattered and hold onto kids
15 min – nearly half of american adolescents meet some criteria for mental health disorders.. so talking about massive impact on our children in our culture that’s just not being realized..
16 min – 1\impulse control has been diagnosed a problem w children in general not just those w add 2\behavioral control 3\ mental restless ness lack of being present
17 min – conditions in which children develop have been so corrupted/troubled..over last several decades that template for normal development is no longer present for many many kids.. vandercol – boston uni: neglect/abuse of children is the number 1 public health concern in us
18 min – notre dame: conditions for child development that h g societies provided for children.. which are the are optimal conditions for development.. and no longer present for kids..t
study led by Darcia Narvaez
human brain does not develop on its own.. does not develop according to a genetic program.. it depends very much on environment.. and the essential condition for the physiological development of these brain circuits that regulate human behavior.. that give us empathy.. that give us a social sense.. that give us connection with other people.. connection with ourselves.. that allows us to mature ..
19 min – the essential condition for those circuits.. for their physiological development is ..
the presence of emotionally/consistently available.. non-stressed/attuned.. parenting care-givers
now what do you have in a country where the avg maternity leave is 6 wks.. where nearly 50% of poor women suffer from postpartum depression.. increasing number of men having postpartum depression as well.. this is not intrinsic to the mother/father.. people are social creatures.. programmed to coop when circumstances are right.. when support not available.. get stressed.. in this country.. non-stressed emotionally available parents is less and less.. so more.. ie: autism (emotional disconnect)
22 min – the normal basis for childhood development has always been the clan/tribe/community/neighborhood.. essentially.. post industrial capitalism has completely destroyed those conditions..
26 min – we’re correcting a massive social problem.. that has to do w disconnection in society and we’re replacing that chemically..t
acting out.. that’s a great question.. acting out: portraying behavior that which you haven’t got the words to say in language.. in game of charades have to act out.. not allowed to speak.. t..yes a lot of kids are acting out.. but not about bad behavior.. we’re dealing w child hood stunted development..
30 min – *attachment is the drive to be close to somebody.. a powerful force in human relationship.. it’s like the **most powerful force there is.. t.. even as adults.. attachment lost/threatened.. we get very ***disoriented/upset.. for babies.. that’s an absolute necessity.. like a force of gravity that pulls two bodies together.. when goes in wrong direction .. from adults to peers..
32 min – i had relationship problem w them. they weren’t connected w me and too connected to peer group.. so that’s why they wanted to spend all their time w peer group.. *and now we’ve given kids the tech to do that with.. so the terrible downside of internet.. now kids are spending time w each other (not even in presence of each other – amy) and that’s an attachment dynamic.. one basic ways to attach is to want to be w people you want to connect with
so.. *that’s just them/us/all ..acting out.. because we don’t have the words .. or people aren’t listening to the words.. that.. we need to connect.. we’re missing attachment.. who give a hoot about.. algebra.. this weeks business meeting.. whatever.. i want to connect to someone.. in some way..
so when kids spend time w each other.. it’s not a behavior problem.. it’s a sign that their relationships have been skewed toward the peer group.. and that’s why it’s so difficult to peel them off their computers.. because their desperation is to connect with the people that they’re trying to attach to.. and that’s no longer us.. as the adults..
not to mention.. we’re doing the same thing..
33 min – amy: so how do we change this dynamic.. gabor: first we have to recognize its manifestations.. whenever the child doesn’t look the adult in the eye anymore.. when the child wants to be always on the .. tech.. when the child becomes oppositional to adults.. we tend to think that that’s a normal childhood phenom.. *it’s normal only to a certain degree..
*maybe not at all..
amy: well they have to rebel now in order to separate later.. gabor: no.. they have to separate.. but they don’t have to rebel.. separation/individuation.. is a normal human developmental stage.. have *to become a separate individual person.. but it doesn’t mean you have to reject and be hostile to the values of the adults.. as a matter of fact.. in traditional societies.. children would become adults by being initiated into the adulthood by elders.. like jewish bar mitzvah ceremony.. or the initiation ceremonies of tribal cultures around the world..
34 min – now kids are initiated by other kids.. and now you have the gang phenom.. so the teenage gang phenom is actually a misplace initiation and orientation ritual.. where kids are actually rebelling against the adult values.. but it’s not because they are bad kids.. but because they become disconnected from adults..
cure violence ness
amy: whole debate about education.. how does this fit in gabor: have to ask.. how do children learn.. and learning is an attachment dynamic as well..
you learn when
*1\ you want to be like somebody.. so you copy them.. you learn from them..
**2\ you’re curious
***3\ you’re willing to try something and when it doesn’t work you try something else
35 min – here’s what happens.. caring about something.. being curious about something.. and recognizing that something doesn’t work.. you have to be given a kind of emotional security.. have to be able to be open and vulnerable.. children who become peer oriented.. because the peer world is so dangerous.. fraught w bullying.. ostracization.. dissing/exclusion.. negative talk.. how does a child protect him/herself from all that negativity.. because children are *not committed to each others unconditional loving acceptance.. **even adults have a hard time giving that.. children can’t do it.. those children become very insecure and emotionally to protect themselves they shut down.. they become hardened/cool.. nothing matters.. cool is the ethic.. aggression and cool and no real emotion..
*because that (unconditional love) has **not been modeled.. i think if it was modeled.. we could do that w peers as well.. (not suggesting to go peers.. just wondering/suggesting that we have that unconditional love in us.. for humans.. any age.. before it got scrambled..)
36 min – now.. when that happens.. curiosity goes.. because curiosity is vulnerable.. because you care about something and you’re admitting that you don’t know.. you won’t try anything.. because if you fail.. vulnerability exposed.. and in terms of who you’re learning from.. as long as kids are attaching to adults.. they’re looking to the adults to be modeling themselves on .. to learn from.. to get their cues from.. kids are still learning from the people they’re attached to.. but now it’s other kids.. so whole generation of kids looking to kids as model.. so teachers have an almost impossible problem on their hands
whoa.. whoa.. impossible problem comes from 1\ school not being centered on curiosity 2\ not being centered on someone the kid woke up that day liking and wanting to be like.. not to mention the teachers are stressed adults just like their parents..
and unfortunately .. education is seen as a case of academic pedagogy.. hence these terrible standardized tests.. and the very teachers who work with the most difficult kids are the ones who are most penalized..
37 min – the difficult kids are kicked out (because test scores matter).. and teachers are afraid to go to neighborhoods because of troubled family relationships
not to mention not having time to do that..
kids are peer oriented.. the kids are not looking to their teachers.. so teachers are being slandered now because of the failure of the american society to produce the right environment for the child’s development..
again.. back to an impossible job.. but not because we’re messed up.. 1\ it’s (school) is a perpetuation of the problem and 2\ any compulsion won’t work.. we can’t fix this assuming school is a thing.. we need a complete do over.. and only pushing it .. because now we have the means..
*the problem reflects the loss of the community and neighborhood.. we have to re create that..t.. **so schools have to become .. not just places of pedagogy but places of emotional connection.. the teacher should be in the emotional connection game before they should be in the pedagogical game..
**that (school) is a bandaid.. we can get to the cure now.. so let’s not go for the temp fix..
ugh.. frustrating to hear this part.. today.. there’s a nother way..
esp about when body says no
39 min – the analysis of mind/body connection
40 min – any attempt to separate mind and body leaves med practitioner short of tools.. and patients short of what they need for healing
emotional centers of brain which regulate our behaviors/responses/reactions.. are physiologically connected with.. and we know exactly how they’re connected.. with the immune system.. the nervous system.. and the hormonal apparatus.. in fact.. it’s not longer possible scientifically to speak of these as separate systems..
41 min – there’s one system.. and they’re wired together by the nervous system.. by chemical messengers that they all secrete…. in short.. we have one system.. they science that studies it is psychoneuroimmunology and scientifically it’s not even controversial but it’s completely lacking from medical practice..
42 min – study done.. non expression of emotion.. 400% increase in death rate.. (and told of others).. these studies are done.. disappear w/o a trace.. no impact on medical practice – bermuda triangle ness.. we have the research.. we just don’t pay attention to it.. like it never happened..
43 min – repression of anger; people pleasers; sense of duty/responsibility;..
50 min – humans shaped by what happens early in life.. and in uterus..
53 min – med system narrow and leaves a lot of people w/o support
55 min – amy: most useful ways to deal w stress gabor: almost any symptom.. ways of body saying no.. we need to pay attention.. explore what the body is saying no to.. (pleasing/suppressing..)..
56 min – individuals doing great work.. but med profession as a whole.. dismal job.. spending bn’s of dollars on researches of cancers that are never going to get us anywhere.. because we ignore the life stresses that cause (at least in part)…. we’re leaving people w/o appropriate tools to restore their own health
love – indeed a compilation.. notes would match all i’ve taken so far.. (and yes .. dang.. couldn’t not take notes..)