will to change
will to change by bell hooks (2004?)
intro’d via john and museum of care email thread (david on batshit ness, understanding patriarchy, et al)
hooks no agenda law.. hooks & barlow.. bell on solitude.. hooks teen law.. understanding patriarchy
actually reading insights on it .. aka: summary.. only thing available on hoopla
notes/quotes from 19 pg:
3
insights from ch 1
1\ female hunger for male love is so intense that it is tearing women apart.. women are starving for love, but afraid to speak about it for fear of being mocked, pitied or shamed
2\ men longing for love but afraid to admit it.. suffering.. want to be delivered from lie of masculinity
3\ men unable to express pain.. so emotionally numb.. not just hurting.. but entire culture responds to their pain ‘please don’t tell us what you feel’
6\ to end male violence.. must end culture of male supremacy that teaches them it is their nature to kill..
5
from ch 2
1\ patriarchy is the political social system that insists males are inherently dominating and superior to everything and everyone deemed weak.. esp females.. enforced thru various forms of psych terrorism and violence
3\ art of patriarchy is to reinforce absolute powerless ness thru violence.. by forcing boys to feel pain and to deny their feelings..
4\ contemp presence of female headed households has led many to believe children in these households are not learning patriarchal values.. but many still endorse/promote patriarchal thinking
5\ cannot dismantle a system we are collectively denying exists.. must acknowledge/address impacts of patriarchy and how it affects our lives in order to change it
rather.. deny ness as perpetuation of same song.. a cancerous distraction
6\ men expected to become/remain emotional cripples.. since it is a system that denies them full access to freedom of will
7\ many believe patriarchy is needed to keep humans alive as a species.. despite fact that patriarchal methods of organizing nations have led to slaughter of millions of people
8\ if patriarchy truly rewarding to men.. violence and addiction in family life would not exist
9\ to end male pain.. to respond effectively to male crisis .. we must name the problem: patriarchy and work to end it
rather.. not a male crisis.. a people crisis
we need a problem deep enough to resonate w/8bn today.. a mechanism simple enough to be accessible/usable to 8bn today.. and an ecosystem open enough to set/keep 8bn legit free
ie: org around a problem deep enough (aka: org around legit needs) to resonate w/8bn today.. via a mechanism simple enough (aka: tech as it could be) to be accessible/usable to 8bn today.. and an ecosystem open enough (aka: sans any form of m\a\p) to set/keep 8bn legit free
much of this ch esp is same as in understanding patriarchy
7
from ch 3
1\ patriarchal culture teaches boys they should not feel anything.. that real men do not feel/express emotions
2\ connection between male dominance and the shutting down of emotions in boyhood is a common them in research on emotional life of boys.. but the authors never address the value of patriarchy itself
6\ truth is.. all boys are being raised to be killers, even if they learn to hide the killer w/in and act as benevolent young patriarchs.. their anger is a response to the demand that they not show any other emotions..
khan filling the gaps law.. lewis anger law
7\ fear that allowing boys to feel will turn them gay is based on homophobia.. most intense in single parent homes.. mothers in these families may be overly harsh and profoundly emotionally withholding with their sons.. believing this will help boys be more masculine
8\ patriarchy teaches father they must constantly be on alert.. ready to prove they are the real man.. in charge of fam.. as a result.. they cannot love their sons.. since they are constantly training them to be men..
9\ many boys are traumatized by relationships w absent/distant father.. they fear not being able to attain right degree of manliness.. as result.. they turn to a hypermasculine patriarchal ideal..
10\ teenagers are the most unloved group in america.. feared because they are often exposing the hypocrisy of parents and the world around them.. no group of teenagers is more feared than a pack of teenage boys
11\ harry potter series.. written by female.. was initially described by rich white american men as working class single mom.. the books glorify war.. the movies glorify the use of violence to maintain control over others..
12\ we must create subcultures/sanctuaries where boys can learn to be who they are uniquely.. w/o being forced to conform to patriarchal masculine visions..
all of us.. spaces of permission.. .. with nothing to prove.. bachelard oikos law
8
from ch 4
1\ men are violent every day in america.. and this violence is demed natural by psychology of patriarchy..
2\ the silence around relationships w men is a product of our culture’s collective collusion w patriarchy.. we are not allowed to speak about what relationships w men are really like..
3\ the most passive, kind, and quiet man can become violent if seeds of patriarchal thinking have been embedded in his psyche.. men who are constantly caring and then abusive are acting out the beliefs they learned about being patriarchal men as children
4\ the way we turn boys into men is thru injury: we sever them from their mothers, and pull them away from their own expressiveness, feelings and sensitivity to others
5\ role of man in patriarchal culture is to be the disciplinarian.. and women who believe that it is the right of men to dominate them and their children use all sorts of violence to discipline them
6\ men who were unable to make emotional connections w the women they chose to be intimate w as adults were often frozen in time.. unable to allow themselves to love for fear that their loved on woudl abandon them..
7\ the first act of violence that patriarchy demand of males is not violence toward women.. but instead it demands they emotionally self mutilate.. they must kill off the emotional parts of themselves if they are not successful in doing so.. they can count on men to assault their self esteem
8\ when a seemingly mild mannered prof i lived w began to abuse me.. i felt i should be understanding and forgiving.. he had been raised in dysfunctional fam.. but still believe he had done nothing wrong.. he had been programmed for intimate violence by his childhood experiences a a dominating mother..
9\ women who stay in abusive relationships often end up closing door to their hearts.. they stop working to create love and they stay because they believe most men are emotionally withholding..
10\ threat of violence of emotional abuse.. is always there.. standing in way of intimacy.. it keeps men and women form forgiving one another and starting over..
11\ it is not easy for men to reject the codes of patriarchal masculinity.. mens who choose against violence are simultaneously choosing against patriarchy..
f\warning ness et al
9
from ch 5
1\ sex has become an obsession in our culture.. and it is difficult to have a serious discussion about love.. but everyone talks about sex.. presented as natural desire..
2\ children in america today learn more about sex from mass media than any other source
4\ boy’s sexual lust is often intense.. he learns culture expects him to covertly cultivate that lust and will to satisfy it while engaging in overt acts of sexual repression
5\ for male.. sex becomes way of self soothing.. not about connecting w someone else.. but about releasing own pain.. the porn addict is often in acute pain.. and porn provides them w quick fix
all addiction.. ie: maté addiction law et al
6\ men are targets of displace male rage because promise of patriarchy – endless sexual fulfillment – has not been fulfilled
7\ most men are not breaking thru denial and telling truth about sex.. they are choking down the pain, despair, and confusion and they are following the patriarchal rules..
8\ men are constantly being handed sexuality as only way to experience essential aspects of humanness that have been systematically conditions out of them.. if masses of men could recover this fundamental passion for their own bodies.. the shift away form a patriarchal sex might lead to a true sexual revolution
11
from ch 6
1\ the nature of work has not been good for men for some time.. men are offered addictions that make unsatisfying work more bearable.. such as sex and porn
hari present in society law
2\ men are not eager to be caretakers and providers.. and the trade off of manhood in today’s society is that the perks of manhood.. such as making money and being able to provide for self/fam.. are taken away.. and in exchange.. you get a chance to prove your manhood thru domination of women
4\ men typically work in a place where they can escape from the self/emotional awareness.. where they can lose selves and operate from a space of emotional numbness
6\ men who have been given permission w/in contours of patriarchal culture to reconfigure the nature of work in lives tend to have class power.. in actuality men are engaged in work of emotional recovery every day.. but the work is not easy because they have no support systems w/in patriarchal culture
again.. warning ness
7\ men can struggle w job depression.. a feeling of alienation.. or a sense of being lost.. if it were not for the fact that men can take time off to do the work of self actualization.. many would not be able to see periods of unemployment as timeouts where they could do the work of healing
bs jobs from birth et al.. need.. in the city.. as the day ness for the dance to dance
8\ work men do is often promoting sever depression and unhappiness.. the world should be changing so that men can find work that they are best suited to and can do w joy
9\ men who have retired from jobs often feel that agin allows them to break free of patriarchy.. however they often feel extremely lonely, alienated, or otherwise compelled to develop emotional selves.. they are the elders who can speak to younger generations of men about the importance of work.. but they need to be heard
12
from ch 7
1\ while not all men are misogynists.. the fact remains that patriarchy .. in most basic form.. promotes fear and hatred of females.. men are born into system and are socialized to accept it .. but still occasionally rebel against it
8\ men also afraid that if they are raised w wholeness.. they will not be able to act violently if needed.. however.. men able to be whole/undivided selves can practice emotional discernment beautifully because able to relate/respond rather than simply react
10\ love cannot exist in any relationship based on domination and coercion
any form of m\a\p.. pearson unconditional law et al
14
from ch 8
5\ in contemp films.. such as good will hunting.. the sensitive man has a violent undercurrent.. to realize the patriarchal masculine ideal.. these white men must learn to disconnect from their feelings
15
from ch 9
2\ many mothers in patriarchal culture direct anger at sons.. as they are only males they feel are safe to vent against.. mothers ruthlessly/brutally terminate emotional connection w male children in order to turn them over to patriarchy
16
from ch 10
2\ emotionally wounding boys is socially acceptable and even demanded in patriarchal culture.. by teaching them to despise their vulnerability.. we are able to socialize them to engage in self inflected soul murder
structural violence.. spiritual violence et al
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be you. 