monica lewinsky

monica lewinsky

the price of shame ted 2015:

seen by many … but known by few..  one dimensional

a cultural revolution – public shaming as a bloodsport has to stop

shame can’t survive empathy  – Brené

you can insist on a different ending to your story..


Johann Hari (@johannhari101) tweeted at 4:01 AM – 26 Feb 2018 :

There are many things I admire about my friend @MonicaLewinsky. Her ability to use her pain to connect with the pain of others – the best way to healing – is one of them. Beautiful new piece by her on #MeToo out now (

But as I find myself reflecting on what happened, I’ve also come to understand how my trauma has been, in a way, a microcosm of a larger, national one. Both clinically and observationally, something fundamental changed in our society in 1998, and it is changing again as we enter the second year of the Trump presidency in a post-Cosby-Ailes-O’Reilly-Weinstein-Spacey-Whoever-Is-Next world.

Certainly, the events of that year did not constitute a war or a terrorist attack or a financial recession. They didn’t constitute a natural catastrophe or a medical pandemic or what experts refer to as “Big T” traumas. But something had shifted nonetheless.

Many parents felt compelled to discuss sexual issues with their children earlier than they might have wanted to. They had to explain why “lying”—even if the president did it—was not acceptable behavior

With the introduction of the World Wide Web (in 1992-93) and two new cable news networks (Fox News and MSNBC in 1996), the lines began to blur between fact and opinion, news and gossip, private lives and public shaming.

it meant that (for me personally) every adult with a modem could instantaneously peruse a copy and learn about my private conversations, my personal

We watched the wholesale dissection of a young, unknown woman—me—who, due to legal quarantine, was unable to speak out on her own behalf.

Until recently (thank you, Harvey Weinstein), historians hadn’t really had the perspective to fully process and acknowledge that year of shame and spectacle. And as a culture, we still haven’t properly examined it. Re-framed it. Integrated it. And transformed it.

That I had made mistakes, on that we can all agree. But swimming in that sea of Aloneness was terrifying.

Isolation is such a powerful tool to the subjugator. And yet I don’t believe I would have felt so isolated had it all happened today. One of the most inspiring aspects of this newly energized movement is the sheer number of women who have spoken up in support of one another.

Just four years ago, in an essay for this magazine, I wrote the following: “Sure, my boss took advantage of me, but I will always remain firm on this point: it was a consensual relationship. Any ‘abuse’ came in the aftermath, when I was made a scapegoat in order to protect his powerful position.” I now see how problematic it was that the two of us even got to a place where there was a question of consent. Instead, the road that led there was littered with inappropriate abuse of authority, station, and privilege. (Full stop.)

I—we—owe a huge debt of gratitude to the #MeToo and Time’s Up heroines. They are speaking volumes against the pernicious conspiracies of silence that have long protected powerful men when it comes to sexual assault, sexual harassment, and abuse of power.


Gorgeous piece by my friend @monicalewinsky about what she’s learned in the 25 years since she involuntarily became a public figure Take the risk to blossom, everyone
Original Tweet:

1. You can make the right decision and still have regret. Also, don’t judge your insides by other people’s outsides. (Full disclosure: I learned these from my therapist.)

actually.. don’t judge yourself

need 1st/most: means to undo our hierarchical listening to self/others/nature ie: tech as it could be

13. Grief reigns in the kingdom of loss. I refer to not only the loss of a loved one but also the loss of a hope, a dream, or love itself. It seems we don’t finish grieving, but merely finish for now; we process it in layers. One day (not today) I’m going to write a short story about a vending machine that serves up Just the Right Amount of Grief. You know, the perfect amount that you can handle in a moment to move yourself along, but not so much that you’ll be caught in an undertow.


17. One thing everyone has in common is that we have all made mistakes. It’s inevitable. Get comfortable with the Art of the Mistake.

18. You cannot run away from your narrative. Perhaps the most challenging idea I had to come to accept was that there is no shedding or unshackling of the self that sprang from 1998 (and that made the behavioral decisions that landed me there). You can only try to integrate your previous selves with as much compassion as you can muster.

myth of normal

19. The power of one kind word is extraordinary. In the deepest, darkest moments of the soul, a simple act of human kindness is a powerful thing.

gaga kindness/hatred law.. thurman interconnectedness law.. kownacki hear\t law.. eisenstein i know you law..

23… one of my best friends introduced me to this Anaïs Nin quote: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Take the risk to blossom. Each day.

imagine if we listened to the itch-in-8b-souls 1st thing everyday & used that data to connect us (tech as it could be.. ai as augmenting interconnectedness)

25. Lastly, I don’t know how to say this other than to be direct and insufferably corny: You can survive the unimaginable. (Not for nothing did I name my film and TV production company Alt Ending.)

ie: a nother way






single story ness

i know you ness

bully/ing ness


listen – see with heart

on the need for all of us to get a new go everyday..

giving everyone something else to do