ball of nerves ness

to me this is the no fear in love ness.. the missing pieces ness.. of gabor on childhood trauma et al.. all the way back since that day – for the world and for a person

adding page along with partial to a person ness and and since that day.. et al.. as i’m noticing my tension stems from both versions of since that day ness.. 1\ globally – garden-enough 2\ locally – ball of nerves ness

this page is about me from 1 yr on ness.. 61..

like nika on love ness: ‘I was in a state of permanent intoxication, almost never fully coming back to myself. I tried to survive as best I could’

for me.. intoxicated since 61.. because all those before me have been intoxicated since that day

at 10 mos my father dies.. i couldn’t know him.. but i embedded his absence quickly (parents are the first ness et al.. gabor on childhood trauma et al) and perfected that absence in all the ways.. crafting the most brilliant ball of nerves ness.. like steel.. stealing me away..

at 66.. no longer able to control/maintain/perpetuate my body’s seeming health.. i am my own cancerous distraction.. not letting go enough..

and since that day: ‘not people/whatever.. that are the enemy.. the only enemy of the lord is pride itself..ne else can save you/me.. in every age the enemy is not out there.. it is inside us.. when we choose to believe we are god‘

need 1st/most: means (nonjudgmental expo labeling) to undo hierarchical listening – so we can hear what’s already on each heart as global detox in order to org around legit needs

otherwise we’ll keep perpetuating the same song.. the whac-a-mole-ing ness of sea world.. of not-us ness.. of part\ial ness..  perpetuating survival triage.. for (blank)’s sake..

note to self: let go..

let go.

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