nika on love ness
via tweet [https://x.com/nikadubrovsky/status/2062880278192762892?s=20]:
Social media is full of bots and spies, but for a long time I lived here among friends. They are my community, so I’ll allow myself an entirely private message:
The last five years I was in a state of permanent intoxication, almost never fully coming back to myself. I tried to survive as best I could — but you can’t entirely fix yourself through self-help and discipline, because we depend on each other, on our dreams, fantasies, deaths, smells, on accident, on luck and disaster.
for me – ball of nerves ness since 61.. ooof
and then everything changed.
and now — I fall asleep happy. I wake up happy. Problems feel irrelevant. I am literally flying.
I love someone.
My body is producing fountains of dopamine. Friends ask me: what happened to you? you’re glowing. I know it’s an accident — it might never have happened. And it’s such happiness. Yes, it’s fragile, it could end at any moment — but maybe that’s exactly why it’s precious. like everything that doesn’t depend on us.
via fb [https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=10164214653568959&set=a.40039648958]:
via google translate
For the past five years, I’ve lived in a state of constant intoxication to one degree or another, almost never fully coming back to myself. It’s hard to fix oneself through self-help and discipline alone, because we are all dependent on one another—on our dreams, fantasies, deaths, and scents; on chance, luck, and misfortune. And then, everything changed! I fall asleep happy. I wake up happy. All my problems seem insignificant. I’m literally flying. I’ve fallen in love. My body is spontaneously generating a fountain of dopamine. I realize it was all a matter of chance—this might never have happened. And that makes it such a joy. Yes, it’s fragile; it could end at any moment—but perhaps that’s exactly what makes it so precious. Like everything that lies beyond our control.
_________
to me this is the no fear in love ness.. beyond marriage\ing ness et al.. into soul mate ness and mostly into missing pieces ness..
adding page along with partial to a person ness and and since that day.. et al.. as i’m noticing my tension stems from both versions of since that day ness.. 1\ globally – garden-enough 2\ locally – ball of nerves ness
__________
__________
__________
________
_______
________
_______
________
be you. 