usefully preoccupied

What if assumptions that we are playing out our love for others, are instead, keeping those we love, and ourselves, from betterness. What if this assumed love is what keeps getting in our way. What if it is keeping us from a much needed sitting beside yet leaving-aloneness.

Perhaps being usefully preoccupied, even if it seems/sounds inhumane/unloving, is a means to a better world, one for 100% of humanity.

Perhapsalone together ^2makes us happy-est/er.

[not trying to rip off Sherry Turkle‘s book title. meaning the opposite perhaps. we’re suggesting this as a good thing. perhaps we just haven’t tried it this way.. yet.]

Many of us have a bent toward helping people.

We may think that if we love someone, helping them is a no-brainer. Or, we may help people – in order to balance some inner conflict, like, doing our good deed for the world. Or maybe we get this surge after we’ve donated/volunteered/et al. We’re addicted to a helping high.

What if we have that all wrong. What if those seemingly good actions/thoughts have more to do with ego/fear than with love. What if we’re loving in order to get love back, or helping because we’re trying to avoid/assail guilt, or we’re not living in authenticity/attachment – so our highs are reliant on rushes of assumed pats on the back.

What if helping is more damaging than it is helpful, because its foundation is in assumption. Perhaps we have the have/have not thing all wrong. What if help brings with it a crippling raised eyebrow. Perpetuating the idea of the expert in the room. Perpetuating our invisible addiction to control.

Imagine, if we starting letting our connectedness, our interconnectedness, have its way.


together alone.

alone together.

individually connected.

networked individualism.


What if what kids need most, what we all need, is that space (a crowded room/city where everyone has their own device/gameplan/agenda/mind/chamber), with nothing to prove, no one monitoring/managing/expecting/doting/protecting.

Yet, with others – at our beckon call. With us, 24/7.

Perhaps this could be the best freedom for each/every person in the world.

If you lean/listen in to youth, they’ve been modeling this for quite some time now. This together alone, alone together ness. Breathing in plain sight ness. We’ve just been calling it rude.

Perhaps authentic love, for people/ideas/questions/curiosity/connectedness .. begs to be more about whimsy, chaordic  whimsy, than helping/managing/assuming/owning others. Perhaps being usefully preoccupied, with the thing you can’t not do, is the perfect remedy/decoy to help us learn to let go.

Perhaps, it’s not so much that trusting people is the hard part. Perhaps we’ll find, the harder part, was/is conquering the mindset societal norms have engrained in us. Perhaps it’s less about, can I trust you, and more about, can I let go.

So perhaps another placebo-ish cure.. be usefully preoccupied. For you. For us.


kool beans alert:

if this stands true, perhaps one of the coolest things for everyone (but perhaps especially for teachers) is that it means – no more prep, no more training, no more grading things, no more classroom management. imagine all the time/energy you’ll be spending instead – on the thing you can’t not do.

and no worries, if you love the prep/training/grading, that won’t go away, for you, it just won’t be mandatory.


usefully preoccupied totally inspired by Erica’s usefully ignorant.

perhaps they are even the same thing… ?

and this thinking… freeing 7 billion plus people up – to find/do the thing they can’t not do.. rather than the control/bad/good jobs they/we think they’re supposed to do..

….pentagon trying to improve defense via a better weapon to win a war  – rather tech that gives people something else to do, .. the generals got that.. but not clear what office in the pentagon is the office of preventive technology  

Neil Gershenfeld


tech that gives





more from Krishnamurti, and from a uni’s mentor ecosystem, and from unschooling moms