grief: deep sorrow, misery, sadness, anguish, pain .. 

i sat w my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief – from anger page.. linked to the mind journal


maté addiction law – not why the addiction.. but why the pain

missing pieces

cope\ing et al


via becca fb share – also book – rage becomes her


agree w the smile stuff.. but need to go deeper than letting anger/rage ‘become her’


TIME (@TIME) tweeted at 5:30 AM – 7 Jul 2019 :
Want to stay healthy as you age? Let go of anger (


via jon on fb – The Inuit have a simple way of teaching their children how to control anger

But what if we stopped trying to manage anger and instead tried stamping it out at the womb? Can we teach our children to never know anger in the first place?

Briggs, as she recollected in her landmark 1971 book “Never in Anger,” was struck by how calm and collected everyone was — and the jarring contrast that created against her own unruly emotions.

prospect request

For the answer, Briggs looked to the children. The way they responded to difficult circumstances appeared to be something they learned from their parents. And that simple parenting technique?

Never scold.

Rather than flashing rage, she only illustrated the very real consequences of his actions: pain.

“Across the board, all the moms mention one golden rule: Don’t shout or yell at small children.”

Indeed, among the Inuit of this Arctic community, Doucleff found a people who practiced the theory that screaming at a child only teaches the child how to scream.

“And it’s a tough call for parents because it goes both ways: Problem behaviors from children create the desire to give harsh verbal discipline, but that discipline may push adolescents toward those same problem behaviors.”

“Traditional Inuit parenting is incredibly nurturing and tender,”

And what kind of children does that tender society produce?

The kind, it seems, who can live harmoniously in one of the world’s harshest climates — often with threadbare resources, where survival hinges on making the most efficient use of their natural world.

your own song ness

got the book (never in anger) – thanks library – good things in it for sure.. but big turn off in beginning.. talking about how they abused dogs..


all utku beat their dogs; they saw it as a necessary disciplinary measure’ we all do it; we know it makes the dogs behave; everybody knows it’.. they beat them w boots, rocks, frozen fish, hammers, tentpoles, or anything else that came to hand, and a s the dog was usually chained or harnessed, escape was impossible. they got a good deal more than pedagogical satisfaction out of the process, too; i saw gleaming eyes and smiles of delight as dogs cowered and whined w bruises and bloody heads..


they said that a man who never lost his temper could kill if he ever did become angry.. so people told not to cross him


a happy person, on the other hand, is a safe person..i wondered whether inuttiaq (her adopted father) felt an exceptionally strong need to show himself a happy person because he was not

gershenfeld something else law

may add more of good insight here later .. may not..

basically.. they tried not to scold children under age 3.. rather appease whatever.. so they felt loved


from David Whyte‘s consolations:



anger ness

anger is the deepest form of compassion, for another/world/self/life/body/family/ideals.. all vulnerable and all, possibility about to be hurt.. stripped of physical imprisonment and violent reaction, anger is the purest form of care.. the internal living flame of anger always illuminates what we belong to, what we with to protect and what we are willing to hazard ourselves for.. what we usually call anger is only what is left of its essence when we are overwhelmed by its accompanying vulnerability, when it reaches the lost surface of ur mind or our body’s incapacity to hold it, or when ti touches the limit of our understanding..

what we name as anger is actually only the incoherent physical incapacity to sustain this deep form of care in our outer daily life; the unwillingness to be large enough and generous enough to hold what we love helplessly in our bodies/mind with the clarity and breadth of our whole being


what we have named as anger on the surface is the violent outer response to our own inner powerlessness, a powerlessness connected to such a profound sense of rawness and care that it can find no proper outer body or identity or voice, or way of life to hold it..


what we call anger is often simply the unwillingness to live the full measure of our fears or of our not knowing, in the face of our love for a wife, in the depth of our caring for a son, in our wanting the best, in the face of simply being alive and loving those w whom we live

our anger breaks to the surface most often thru our feeling there is something profoundly wrong with this powerlessness and vulnerability; anger too often finds its voice strangely, thru our incoherence and thru our inability to speak, but anger in its pure state is the measure of the way we are implicated in the world and made vulnerable thru love in all its specifics: a daughter, a house a family, ..

anger turns to violence and violent speech when the mind refuses to countenance the vulnerability of the body in its love for all these outer things – we are often abused or have been abused by those who love us but have no vehicle to carry its understanding, or who have no outer emblems of their inner care or even their own wanting to be wanted..  lacking any outer vehicle for the expression of this inner rawness they are simply overwhelmed by the elemental nature of love’s vulnerability. in their helplessness they turn their violence on the very people who are the outer representation of this inner lack of control


but anger truly felt at its center is the essential living flame of being fully alive and fully here; it si a quality to be followed to its source,.. to be prized/tended.. and an invitation to finding a way to bring that source fully into the world thru making the mind clearer and more generous, the heart more compassionate and the body larger and strong enough to hold it..


what we call anger on the surface only serves to define its true underlying quality by being a complete but absolute mirror – opposite of its true internal essence..