us & them

adding page thanksgiving day 2017 via Gabor Maté fb share

National Housing Day is today – and to mark this event Krista Loughton, the Producer of the film Us & Them, has made it available to stream for the next 48-hours.

At a time when Canada is in the midst of both a housing and opioid crisis, raising awareness about homelessness and addiction through a compassionate lens has never been more relevant. Please join her national efforts to make an impact by watching or sharing the film with your family and friends today.


National Housing Day | US AND THEM is free for 48 hours

their site


from film (quotes are from gabor if not specified otherwise):

Gabor – what is it about human pain that you want to relieve it in the world

16  min – Gabor: there’s nobody down here who wasn’t abused as a kid.. it’s that simple.. not a single person.. you can walk down street and look at these strange.. scary looking people and all that it’s about is that they were abused.. and this is their response..

two kinds of things that can happen in childhood.. 1\ things that shouldn’t happen that happened.. like abuse.. and 2\ things that should happen.. like the attention/love that kids needs

17 min – there’s no possible way that (she’d have become) and addict and not have those experiences.. there’s just no possibility.. and.. i’ve never seen it.. in 12 yrs of working here.. i’ve never seen it.. and i’ve talked with lots of people who think they have had great childhoods until you ask them a few questions.. and then the tears start coming.. and all the pain that they had emerges.. that they haven’t looked at

at birth human brain is least mature of any mammal.. the environ then shapes the development of the brain.. and the necessary environ for the healthy development of all these crucial brain circuits that govern human behavior and human emotional life and human relationships is the presence of non-stressed.. non-depressed.. emotionally available parenting caregivers..

18 min – these people then.. that lack these conditions early in life.. and particularly those.. like all the addicts i’ve ever treated .. who were actually traumatized and abused in childhood.. simply did not have the right conditions for healthy brain development.. which means later on when they come across substances that activate or soothe these circuits.. they’re prone to be addicted on first contact.. because finally they’re getting what life should have given them in the first place..

29 min – if we don’t offer it to them.. we are part of the problem..

54 min – it’s not blaming the parents.. but it’s also not blaming yourself.. it’s just recognizing what happened.. that’s all

55 min – your parents didn’t create their stresses any more than my mother didn’t create the 2nd world war

you don’t know that your mother is ill and has to go into icu to save her life.. all you experience is the abandonment.. it gets programmed into your brain.. and that’s the experience of every addicted person on the street

56 min – (krista on wondering if the addict on the street gets they beat themselves up.. and gabor saying.. who else is beating themself up.. krista: yeah but i want to talk about them.. gabor: you are talking about them) .. it’s not that there isn’t pain in the world.. and you could work 7 days a week 24/7 for the rest of your life and it would only be a drop in the bucket.. and i could do the same thing.. so there’s a legitimate reason to be concerned/engaged..  the reason you (beat yourself up) is because you don’t yet see the possibility of not beating yourself up.. once you see it for yourself.. you’ll see it for them..

krista: it’s like i’m putting onto them.. they’re me..

gabor: yeah.. you got it

57 min – krista – if you were me.. what would your next step be..  gabor: work on healing yourself.. so that when you engage in the work.. you do it from a place of possibility.. and an awareness of healing.. not from the place of a broken hearted.. despondent over their fate.. and not by being overwhelmed by their pain.. a guide can only take people as far as he/she has explored the territory for themselves.. so it’s not only a question of love and good intentions.. it’s also a question of awareness and insight.. and that takes some work to get there..  so you can be there w/o taking on the burden.. if you’re there w a burden .. you’re helping them less.. that burden is yours you gotta put it there

58 min – meanwhile you’re giving them a great gift.. just with your loving presence.. that’s not something that happens too often in their lives

1:01 – krista: i’m convinced the root cause of all this homeless situation we have.. is pain.. and it’s that pain that needs to be addressed and looked at

1:02 – dawnellda gauthier to krista – i’m cheering you on.. the diff between a breakthru and a breakdown is.. other people’s perception of it.. if the people around you that.. you gotta grab a straight jacket and some pills to tone it down, they’ll call it a breakdown.. and the people that are cheering you on.. because you are letting yourself feel what you really feel.. you’re gonna get thru it that way.. that’s called a breakthru.. and that’s the only difference.. and the people who care about you.. when they are on the same page.. talking to you or communicating.. they’ll cheer you on and they’ll be happy you are going thru the tears.. we’ve all gone thru our own version of hell.. we have that gaping hole we’re trying to stuff w everything.. work.. partners.. shopping.. i don’t care what it is.. dance.. exercise..  it doesn’t matter.. for some people it’s drugs.. and that’s what everybody points a finger at for everything that’s going wrong around here.. you know.. people giving us a kick in the head when we are down already.. there’s nobody cheering us on because we’re not feeling what we need to feel.. i promise that everyday feeling the pain that you have to deal with to get thru it.. it gets you closer to the end.. and you get to leave some of it behind.. a little at a time… so .. i’m cheering  you on..

1:05 – gabor: the tears are everywhere.. now.. for people to actually recognize the major diff from themselves and the homeless or the addicted.. it’s simply that these latter lives have suffered more.. and have fewer resources to support them.. i think that would be a huge transformation of consciousness..

it’s a lot more comfortable to think that there’s us and them.. because it means that the painful places inside ourselves.. we don’t have to go to.. it’s much easier to be spiritual than to be emotionally authentic.. to do genuine spiritual work is difficult.. to do genuine emotional work is very difficult.. it’s easier to hold onto a kind of self image and that’s why we use the us and them..  so all the projections people throw on other people.. the negative judgments.. it’s really about them.. there’s no them there’s not us.. there’s just us..

binary ness


from Human Pain and Healing – Gabor Maté Interview

11 min – magdalena quoting gabor

this refusal to see the us in them and the them in what we take to be us.. such failure of imagination is seen in every realm.. from personal relationships to international politics.. simply put.. *it reflects that clinging to identity with group of any dimension narrower than all of humanity.. there must be others who by defn do not belong .. and we may believe .. at least unconsciously.. that we are superior

us/them.. marsh label law.. identity.. red flags

*nationality: human

10 min – it’s a question of what we id with.. the word identify comes from the latin phrase – to make the same as.. so if i id strictly as a hunagrian.. that already creates an exclusion w everybody who is not hungarian..  so identifications create the *boundaries in which we live our lives..

siddiqi border law

but what is the fundamental reality..? the fundamental reality is that we are all human beings.. and we basically all have the same needs.. your fundamental needs are human needs you share w every other human on earth

all – nationality: human with maté basic needs

so let’s go that deep.. ie: deep enough for 7bn people to resonate with today.. via 2 convers as infra

9 min – while group id’s are useful as long as we recognize they are fluid/temp/arbitrary.. and they are not who we are


us and them

link twitter

Ten years in the making, a woman sets out to help four homeless people but they end up helping her. WATCH MOVIE:

by @KristaLoughton

Canadian Filmmaker specializing in impact projects. Producer of – a that humanizes the & examines the root causes of


via rt from Mark

Kevin Lindamood (@KevinLindamood) tweeted at 4:41 AM – 23 Jun 2018 :
“…there is, in fact, no them. Only us.”
Many of us have searched silently for the words that connect horrific policies along the southern border with those that create & maintain homelessness across the country.
@jeffolivet finds them here in this powerful post. Read it. (


robert saoalsky 3 min video on us and them


oxytocin only works in people you think of as us.. worse to those you think of as them..  it enhances the us them divide

we divide world into us them divide.. and we are incredibly manipulated as to who is us and who is them


// j o r d a n // b a t e s //  (@_jordan_bates) tweeted at 5:46 PM on Thu, Dec 05, 2019:
To be “anti-” anything is to perpetuate a dualistic paradigm
“Anti-” automatically creates an ‘Us VS Them’ dynamic
If humanity is to flourish long term, we must transcend rivalrous/dualistic paradigms
See no enemies
Oppose nothing
Be what you are
Build what you want to see



home less ness


marsh label law

nationality: human

make friends law

history ness

red flags