i first saw this posted on fb by the soul guy – Nic.
i heard a joke once; man goes to doctor, says he’s depressed, says life is harsh and cruel. says he feels all alone in a threatening world. doctor says, “treatment is simple. the great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. go see him. that should pick you up.”man bursts into tears. says, “but doctor.. i am Pagliacci.”
it was not depression that killed her husband, but the serious brain illness he was suffering with.
A report from after the actor’s death revealed that he was suffering from Lewy Body Dementia, a complex form of neurodegenerative dementia that causes mood instability and hallucinations and impairs motor skills.
….‘No one could have done anything more for Robin.’ I just want everyone to know that. Everyone did the very best they could. This disease is like a sea monster with 50 tentacles of symptoms that show when they want. It’s chemical warfare in the brain. And we can’t find it until someone dies definitively. There is no cure.”
[..]
Robin was very aware that he was losing his mind and there was nothing he could do about it,’ ” she says.
[..]“It was not depression that killed Robin,” she concluded. “Depression was one of let’s call it 50 symptoms, and it was a small one.”
at 38 min – only given a little spark of madness and if you lose that..you’re nothin… it keeps you alive.. that’s my only love.. crazy. there’s no way any govt in the world can handle madness
An intimate portrait of Robin Williams and his invulnerable spirit, Robin’s Wish is the story of what really happened to one of the greatest entertainers of all time – and what his mind was fighting.
he experienced himself disintegrating
robin: the thing that matters are others.. that’s what life is about
Robin’s Wish is a 2020 American documentary film directed by Tylor Norwood. The film offers a look into the life and final days of Robin Williams, and how his struggles with diffuse Lewy body disease impacted his acting career and contributed to his death by suicide. The film was produced by Ben Sinclair, executive produced by physician and journalist, Shoshana R. Ungerleider and released digitally and on-demand on September 1, 2020
Robin Williams’ widow, Susan Schneider Williams, chose the film’s title, and approached director Tylor Norwood to make the film. Initially resistant, Norwood said he wanted to help people “understand the pain [Williams] felt as his talents and faculties rapidly slipped away” and he hopes the film “rights a wrong that was done to him, and takes away a cloud that has unjustly hung over his legacy for far too long.”
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better to believe ‘it’s my fault; i’m bad (rather than people around you are malicious et al)’ which lets you believe there’s the chance that ‘if i work hard and be good, i will be lovable’.. thus.. the debilitating belief in one’s unworthiness.. nearly universal among people w mental health diagnoses and addictions.. begins as a coping mech..
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darrell hammond ‘cutting afforded him ‘a crisis that’s more manageable that the terror inside you.. the one that’s going on in your head’
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helen knott: ‘i didn’t want to die at that time.. that’s not what cutting was about.. i was doing it so i could put up with living’
thus.. many action sand beliefs that look like pure insanity from one perspective make sense from another.. and always made sense at the start..
he had a sweetness and vulnerability that touched many hearts.. a love that poured out into the world but that he could never extend to himself..
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anne lamott (grew up near williams): ‘we were in the same boat.. scared, shy, w terrible self esteem and grandiosity’.. his lifelong dilemma she said would remain ‘how to stay one step ahead of the abyss.. ‘
‘my only companions/friends as a child were my imagination’ he once said .. an admission of profound loneliness.. distant mother and ‘frightening’ father.. ‘ his comic skills had the original function of gaining him some closeness w his mother ‘you get this weird desire to connect w her thru comedy and entertainment’ he told mar maron.. his wording was unkind to himself: there is nothing weird about a child seeking attachment w his parent.. what is abnormal is that any child should have to do so.. hence.. the same coping mechs that potentiated his greatest gifts ended up becoming the bars of his prison.. the double bind of the hypersensitive child.. once again..
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long before he developed a degenerative disorder.. he suffered from what he called ‘please love me syndrome’.. a self diagnosis far more penetrating than anything a dsm toting psychiatrist could come up with..
i first saw this posted on fb by the soul guy – Nic.
be you. 