gabor on people pleasing ness
gabor maté on people pleasing ness
via tweet [https://x.com/newstart_2024/status/2031347438741573846?s=20]:
The root cause of people-pleasing? Parents who didn’t love their kids for who they truly were. Gabor Maté lays it bare: Kids who weren’t loved for their authentic selves learn early to be liked instead — please everyone, never say no, take on everything, carry others’ feelings, never disappoint. Result: Everyone likes you… but nobody truly loves you because they never meet the real you. The price? Depression, anxiety, addiction, autoimmune diseases, even cancer — because “the pain of not being yourself is too much.” The abandoned authentic self never dies — it’s still inside, screaming through your body and emotions. As adults, we get the brutal choice: Keep chasing attachments (people-pleasing, fitting in) and lose ourselves forever… Or choose authenticity — and risk losing people who only liked the mask. Maté’s final gut-punch question: “Who would you rather have in your life — them or yourself?”
maté trump law.. brown belonging law
gabor on parent love ness.. parents are the first ness et al
notes/quotes from 90 second video clip:
if they weren’t loved for who they are.. they’re going to work very hard to be liked.. and if you want to be liked.. just please everybody.. never say no.. take everything on.. be responsible for how other people feel.. never disappoint anybody.. they’re all going to like you.. but nobody’s going to love you.. cause they don’t know you
it’s real work.. and not only that.. then there’s all the social expectations that you should fit in.. think like everybody else thinks.. or dress like they all dress.. or behave like they all behave.. so there’s all these pressures not to be yourself
cummings art\ist law et al
and then what happens is.. you get sick.. depressed.. anxious.. cancer.. auto immune disease.. you get addicted because the pain of not being yourself is too much
kafka real face law.. et al
so how do you get back to yourself? .. well the good news is that the self that you abandoned all those years ago.. not deliberately.. not consciously.. and it was never your fault.. that never went away.. it’s still there.. and it’s talking to you .. and it’s talking to you thru your body.. and it’s talking to you thru your emotions.. so it’s a matter of learning how to pay attention
missing pieces.. almaas holes law.. et al
need means (nonjudgmental expo labeling) to undo hierarchical listening – so we can hear what’s already on each heart as global detox in order to org around legit needs
and at some point you have a decision to make.. as a child i had no choice.. when there was a conflict between attachment here or authenticity over here.. i had to go with the attachment.. as an adult .. i don’t have to anymore.. and yes.. if i’m authentic.. i may lose some of my attachments .. some people who really liked me before will not like me.. who would you rather have in your life.. them.. or yourself
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be you. 