helen fisher

helen fisher.png

intro’d to Helen via her tedsummit 2016 – Technology hasn’t changed love. Here’s why

these feelings.. (lust, attraction, attachment)..lie way below cortex.. deep below limbic system.. most primitive parts of brain.. linked with *energy, focus, craving, motivation, wanting and drive.. drive to get most winning prize.. a mating partner


tech is changing way we court.. but is this actually changing love..

what about late 1940s when auto bedrolls.. birth control.. even dating sites.. are not changing love.. these are not dating sites.. they are introducing sites… the only real algo is your own human brain.. tech won’t change that

tech won’t change who you choose to love..

5 min – dopamine – energetic/curious/creative.. drawn to people like themselves..

seratonin-traditional/conventional.. similarity attracts

in other 2 – opposites attract.. testosterone (logical analytical) – goes for opposite.. someone high estrogen (verbal/people skills/intuitive/expressive)..

6 min – one thing tech does.. paradox of choice… we can embrace about 5-9 alt’s.. then to cog overload and you don’t choose any.. so ushering in a new form of courtship: slow love

via match dot com.. polled from us census.. 30 000 people.. every year same patterns.. 50% have had a one night stand; 50% multiple; 50% longterm..

8 min – 67% of singles.. living long term w somebody.. not married because of social/legal/econ consequences of divorce.. i think.. today’s singles is not recklessness.. but caution

in age w/too many choices.. people are taking their time to love.. a real expansion of the pre commitment stage..

yeah to that focus on commitment..

where marriage used to be beginning of relationship.. now it’s the finale..

if during this stage.. if can get rid of bad relationships before you marry.. maybe more happy marriages..

one question: would you remarry person currently married to.. 81% said yes.. greatest change is not tech.. not even slow love.. it’s actually women piling into job market.. after the obliged ness to marry the right person.. rise of host of beliefs.. virginity at marriage, arranged marriage, man head of home..  that are now going/gone.. we are in a marriage revolution.. shedding 10 000 yrs of farming tradition.. toward egalitarian ness..

binary ness

12 min – randall gerald: the dark uneasy world of family life where the greatest can fail and the humblest succeed..

any understanding of human relationships must take into account: the unquenchable, adaptable, and primordial human drive to love..

q & a: joined w Esther – need doesn’t change but context does… we create stable ambiguity.. too afraid to be alone.. but not willing to commit.. vocab makes a reality..

helen: 97% over years surveys want same thing.. esther: but that has changed from long ago  helen: agree


find/follow Helen:

her site:


wikipedia small

Helen E. Fisher is an Americananthropologist, human behavior researcher, and self-help author. She is a biological anthropologist, is a Senior Research Fellow, at The Kinsey Institute, Indiana University, and a Member of the Center For Human Evolutionary Studies in the Department of Anthropology at Rutgers University. Prior to Rutgers University, she was a research associate at the American Museum of Natural History in New York City.

Dr. Fisher earned a B.A. in Anthropology and Psychology from New York University in 1968; an M.A. in Physical Anthropology, Cultural Anthropology, Linguistics, and Archeology from the University of Colorado at Boulder in 1972, and a PhD in Physical Anthropology: Human Evolution, Primatology, Human Sexual Behavior, and Reproductive Strategies from the University of Colorado at Boulder in 1975.

She is a leading expert on the biology of love and attraction. Fisher said that when she began researching for her dissertation, she considered the one thing all humans have in common – their reproductive strategies. She is now the most referenced scholar in the love research community. In 2005, she was hired by match.com to help build chemistry.com, which used her research and experience to create both hormone-based and personality-based matching systems.

find people ness.. everyday.. as the day..

ie: hosting-life-bits via self-talk as data

She was one of the main speakers at the 2006 and 2008 TED conference. On January 30, 2009, she was featured in an ABC News20/20 special, Why Him? Why Her? The Science of Seduction, where she discussed her most recent research on brain chemistry and romantic love.

She appears in the 2014 documentary film about heart-break and loneliness, entitled Sleepless in New York.


on bigthink.. haven’t listened to yet



marriage\ing ness

this is huge.. human drive to love.. and we’re missing it..

a ntoher way – deep enough – 2 needs


via ideapod fb share

True love isn’t an emotional experience. It’s something far deeper.


And I think that the sex drive evolved to get you out there, looking for a whole range of partners. You can feel it when you’re just driving along in your car. It can be focused on nobody. I think romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy on just one individual at a time, thereby conserving mating time and energy. And I think that attachment, the third brain system, evolved to enable you to tolerate this human being at least long enough to raise a child together as a team.”