alyssa monks

[brooklyn, ny]

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intro’d to Alyssa via her tedxindianauni 2015 – How loss helped one artist find beauty in imperfection

she knew what the internet/drs et al didn’t know.. i just needed to ask her..

i realized if i tried to fix it.. i would miss it..

whatever situation came up.. just really listen to her..

quiet enough ness

listen

no words ness

giving up trying to control the uncontrollable.. and just being there

let go..

why not yet

control

time slowed down and the date was irrelevant

7 min – these simple daily activities became our sacred ritual.. humbling/painful.. exactly where i wanted to be.. the beautiful/awful

palliative care ness

all established rules vanished.. just in this space.. taking care of each other..

9 min – that safe space.. i created in all my other paintings.. was a myth.. i went into the woods

10 min – something started to happen.. i got curious again.. caveat now though.. i couldn’t be controlling paint like i used to.. had to be about implying suggesting .. not explaining/describing.. that imperfect/chaotic turbulent surface is what told the story

i started to be as curious again as i was when i was a student..

11 min – and now.. expansive space.. outside rather than inside (bathroom/shower/pool).. loosening control..savoring the imperfections..allowing the imperfections.. in that imperfection you can find a vulnerability.. i could feel my deepest intention .. what matters most to me.. a human connection.. that can happen in a space where there’s no resisting/controlling..

here’s what i learned.. we’re all going to have big losses in lives.. out of our control..unpredictable.. and they bring us to our knees… i say.. let them.. fall to your knees.. let go of trying to change it.. even wanting it to be different… it just is..

12 min – and then there’s space.. and in that space.. feel your vulnerability. what matters most to you.. your deepest intention.. and be curious to connect to what..who.. is really here.. awake and alive.. it’s what we all want.. find something beautiful in the unknown/unpredictable.. and even in the awful..