andrew solomon

What is it like to raise a child who’s different from you in some fundamental way (like a prodigy, or a differently abled kid, or a criminal)? In this quietly moving talk, writer Andrew Solomon shares what he learned from talking to dozens of parents — asking them: What’s the line between unconditional love and unconditional acceptance?

love, no matter what

14:30 what do we validate in them and what do we seek to cure in them

17:50 it’s our differences and our negotiations of difference that unite us

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depressions, the secret we share

“The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment.” In a talk equal parts eloquent and devastating, writer Andrew Solomon takes you to the darkest corners of his mind during the years he battled depression. That led him to an eye-opening journey across the world to interview others with depression — only to discover that, to his surprise, the more he talked, the more people wanted to tell their own stories. (Filmed at TEDxMet.)

oct 2013

i felt a funeral in my brain..

a sensation of being afraid all the time, but not even knowing what you’re afraid of…

people tend to confuse depression, grief and sadness:

grief – is explicitly reactive.. a loss, incredibly unhappy, then 6 mos later, deeply sad but functioning better – probably grief and probably will resolve itself in some measure

depression – catastrophic loss, feel terrible, 6 mos later can barely function at all, probably depression triggered by catastrophic circumstances, the trajectory tells us a great deal

people think of depression as being just sadness.. it’s much too much sadness, much too much grief at far too slight a cause..

distinguishing sad.. about having to chew/swallow .. or about sad things..

one person described depression as a slower way of being dead,.. reminded me that slow way of being dead could lead to actual deadness.. this is a serious business.. leading disability worldwide – people die of it every day.

the burdensome nature of such mutual secrecy

depression is an illness of how you feel

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ted 2014:

How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are

substituting and for but

forging meaning – changing yourself

building identity – changing the world

forging meaning and building identity doesn’t make what’s wrong right, it’s makes what’s wrong precious

oppression breeds the power to oppose it – the cornerstone of identity

if seeking meaning matters more than finding meaning… the question is not whether i’d be happier, but whether assigning meaning to those experiences.. makes me better..

i was finally unconditionally greatful for a life i once would have done anything to change.

there is always someone who wants to confiscate our humanity.

if we live out loud – we can trounce the hatred..

forge meaning. building identity. invite the world to share your joy.

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diagnoses can be useful tools, capable of delivering hope and relief. But they can also limit our ability to perceive all the complexities and variations within the individual who exists beyond the label.  – Andrew

 

 

 

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2011:

“We had a lot of trouble with western mental health workers who came here immediately after the genocide and we had to ask some of them to leave.

They came and their practice did not involve being outside in the sun where you begin to feel better. There was no music or drumming to get your blood flowing again. There was no sense that everyone had taken the day off so that the entire community could come together to try to lift you up and bring you back to joy. There was no acknowledgement of the depression as something invasive and external that could actually be cast out again.

Instead they would take people one at a time into these dingy little rooms and have them sit around for an hour or so and talk about bad things that had happened to them. We had to ask them to leave.”

~A Rwandan talking to a western writer, Andrew Solomon, about his experience with western mental health and depression.