gabor on childhood trauma

via jon fb share: https://humanwindow.com/dr-gabor-mate-interview-childhood-trauma-anxiety-culture/

28 min interview (jun 2019) w Gabor:

in a certain sense i’m an absolute imposter.. because i write all these diff books.. i speak in many diff countries.. i talk about addiction and child development and stress and parenting.. and i’m only saying one thing.. when you treat children well they’re going to be ok.. if you don’t treat them well they’re not going to be ok.. a very simple message.. that anybody’s great grandmother could have told.. so the fact that this is even necessary a sign of the times

2 min – so much of what people suffer from relates to childhood experience

maté trauma law

3 min – important to define trauma: from greek wound..  when loss of feeling .. loss of awareness of feeling.. reduced flexibility in responding to the world.. a hardness there.. in response to the wound.. so trauma is a psychic wound that hardens you psychologically .. but then interferes w your ability to grow/develop.. it pains you .. so now acting out of pain.. it induces fear.. so now acting out of fear.. so w/o knowing it your whole life is regulated by fear and pain that you’re trying to escape from by various ways..  that’s what trauma is.. so trauma is not what happens to you .. trauma is what happens inside of you as a result of what happened.. trauma is that scaring that makes you less flexible.. more rigid.. less feeling.. and more defended

trauma

5 min – this is a highly traumatized society

6 min – majority of people don’t understand trauma.. ie: something horrific happening rather than an internal psychic wound.. avg med student doesn’t even hear the word psychic trauma in their ed.. legal system knows nothing of trauma.. so used punishment.. rather than supporting really troubling people..

8 min – w/o capacity to know what feel and interpret appropriately .. lost.. we’re born w that.. but adults ignore gut feelings..

not yet scrambled law

almaas holes law

9 min – if environ cannot support gut feelings and healthy emotions .. then child in order to belong.. fit in.. will automatically/unwittingly/unconsciously.. repress their emotions/connections to self for the sake of staying connected to the nurturing environ.. w/o which the child can’t survive.. a lot of children are in this dilemma.. do i feel/express what i feel.. or do i have to suppress that in order to be acceptable.. to be a good/nice kid

maté trump law

10 min – if parents themselves are not in touch w their feelings .. they can’t tolerate the child’s feelings.. it threatens them..  auto disconnect w selves to continue to be looked after.. then get to.. i don’t know who i am.. realize not living own lives..

wilde not us law .. whales in sea world.. from ie: supposed to’s.. of school/work

11 min – (study 2 days ago) 80% of people in canada stressed by jobs..  the more disconnected kids are.. the more they can fit into econ that doesn’t care about human feelings but rather profitability/production.. so just a cycle that keeps going

broken feedback loop.. bs jobs.. et al

12 min – so your new book – myth of normal illness/health in an insane culture..  how insane is our culture

depends how you define sanity.. what makes society insane is that it tramples on human needs

maté basic needs

so when someone is normal in society.. they’re conforming to an insane standard..

hari present in society law..  krishnamurti measure law

then book on connecting parents w adult children.. writing w son

i would say almost every mental health disorder originates in childhood experience and originates as a coping mech

cope\ing

14 min – in early life.. anxiety is an attachment alarm.. child’s biggest need.. attachment..  serves a positive purpose.. fear is adaptive.. a coping mech

maté basic needs

15 min – but what happens to a person whose parents are taught by med experts ie: not to pick up kids when crying.. now natural fear.. that causes the crying.. that brings parent.. which ends the anxiety.. is embedded in the child.. so what begins as a coping mech becomes generalized..

16 min – so when ie: anxiety attacks.. is not anything external.. it’s the embedded anxiety developed as a child

in a society that makes people more isolated all the time.. there’s more general threat.. and when that general threat hits people who are in childhood over immersed in anxiety that’s not relieved by the parent coming to help them.. so to your friends (w panic attacks).. see that that anxiety is a normal response to what actually happened to them (as children).. and that it can be relieved/recovered-from if they look at its sources

18 min – suggestions to people waking up to this.. continue.. on my gravestone: a lot more work than i anticipated.. it’s a lot of work but it’s necessary/beautiful work.. the more you get to know yourself.. the freer you are.. approach self w genuine curiosity/compassion.. what is this all about..

20 min – on ayahuasca – can relive/revision childhood experience w insight of an adult.. get to know true nature..  not for everybody.. but for a lot of people can be profound journeys of the soul

carhart-harris entropy law et al

holmgren indigenous law

23 min – mind and body can’t be separated.. a lot of stresses that were suppressed in childhood as coping mech.. i feel disease is body saying not to stresses in life they haven’t said no to.. so ask self.. ie: how much of a people pleaser are you et al

when the body says no

supposed to’s..

25 min – as 18 yr old i was very focused on fixing world.. nothing wrong with that but was also an escape from stress i was facing..  so i’d say.. get to know yourself.. and combine curiosity (really don’t know.. really open to finding out) about self.. on real needs

maté basic needs

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resignation syndrome

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listening again 6 mos later

june 2019 – Dr Gabor Maté on Childhood Trauma, The Real Cause of Anxiety, Our ‘Insane’ Culture and Ayahuasca – 28 min video

“When I talk about being connected to ourselves, I’m talking about actually knowing what we feel and experience in a given moment, and being able to interpret that appropriately. You’ve never met an infant who’s not connected with its gut feelings. By the time you talk to adults, you find many people who even if they have their gut feelings, they ignore them. Something happens between infancy and adulthood that disconnects us. What that is, is our need for acceptance by our environment.”

See the full interview discussing how widespread trauma is in modern society, here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7pV0IPWUlI.

28 min video:

i’m an imposter.. i’ve written books and give talks.. but all i’m saying is .. treat children well and they’ll be fine.. don’t and they won’t

3 min – greek word for trauma is wound..  healing involves scar tissue.. bigger wound.. bigger scar.. loss of feeling, reduced flexibility.. a psychic wound that hardens/pains you.. whole life regulated by fear and pain.. trauma isn’t what happens to you.. it’s what happens inside you

5 min – very few people grow up fully untraumatized in this culture..

6 min – also less resilient.. because resilience requires connection

7 min – most people.. and legal system.. ed system.. knows very little about trauma.. so end up punishing rather than rehabilitating

connected to self – knowing self.. feelings.. et al

9 min – we were born w that capacity.. never met an infant not connected to gut feelings.. by the time talk to many adults.. many don’t even have gut feelings.. because they ignore them.. so something happens from infancy to adulthood that disconnects us.. what is that..t

not yet scrambled ness

what that is is the need for acceptance by our environ.. if our environ cannot/will-not accept our gut feelings and healthy emotions.. then the child in order to belong and fit in will automatically/unwittingly/unconsciously repress/suppress emotions and connection to self for the sake of staying connected to the nurturing environ.. w/o which the child can’t survive.. t

maté trump law

brown belonging law

10 min – a lot of children are in this dilemma.. do i feel/express what i feel or do i have to suppress that in order to be acceptable.. to be a good/nice kid..t

if parent isn’t in touch with self.. can’t tolerate the child’s feelings.. react in anger.. and the child learns.. i mustn’t feel what i feel.. because i have to belong to my parents.. a tragic choice.. not even a choice.. automatic.. then we get into adulthood.. and.. i don’t even know who i am..t

11 min – fit w econ ..(study/report this summer .. 80% of males in canada stressed in jobs) .. econ needs people who will go into meaningless/drudgery/intolerable (jobs) .. but will put up with it.. so there’s a confluence with the needs of the econ and the way we parent kids.. t

maté parenting law

bs jobs et al

the more disconnected kids are .. the more they can fit into the econ.. t.. that doesn’t care about human feelings.. just cares about profit and production.. so just a cycle..

new book – myth of normal in an insane culture

12 min – if you look at sanity as something that’s congruent w human nature/needs.. never mind nature.. just look at needs.. for meaning/connection/validation/belonging/transcendence.. and look at those as needs.. this society is insane because it tramples on those human needs.. that’s what makes it insane.. so normal in society.. they’re conforming to an insane standard

krishnamurti measure law

writing another book with my son: hello again.. a fresh start for adult children and their parents

14 min – (on anxiety and panic attacks) in general.. all mental health disorders originates in childhood experience as a coping mech

cope\ing ness

afraid when we’re threatened.. child’s biggest need.. attachment w parent.. so should feel fear when not around.. and when parent is responding to their (natural) parent instinct.. they will respond when child cries out..

15 min – what happens to a person who’s parents are taught not to pick up kids when crying.. now that natural fear that causes the crying.. which brings the parent.. which ends the anxiety .. is embedded in the child.. so what begins as a coping mech.. now becomes generalized

16 min – so .. when i have that anxiety when there’s no immediate threat.. what is that about.. it’s not a response to anything external.. it’s the embedded anxiety that i developed as a child.. in a society that makes people more isolated all the time (so a cry for some desperate help from childhood trauma – normal – needs relief)

18 min – the more you get to know yourself.. the freer you are.. whatever you bring out of self.. will free you.. whatever you don’t will kill you

19 min – align your psyche w body..

20 min – on ayahuasca – under proper circumstances.. can relive childhood experiences.. w the insight of an adult.. so get to know true nature.. get to make friends w it.. a romanticized version.. sometimes just get a stomach ache.. and for some.. fears can be very difficult.. not for everybody.. but for a lot of people can be profound journeys into the soul

but .. an adult not in tune w self.. no? – insight in need of detox

24 min – endometriosis.. fibromyalgia.. all from childhood trauma.. stresses from suppressing self.. their disease is their body saying no

when body says no

25 min – (advice to 18 yr old) – i was trying to fix the world.. because of stuff i was suppressing.. so.. get to know yourself.. combine curiosity about self.. curiosity means .. you really don’t know.. really open to finding out .. and open to any kind of outcome.. that takes a lot.. because people are afraid of what they will find

26 min – so to 18 yr old self.. relax.. the world is benign.. it will support you.. use it to support yourself.. get to know yourself.. not on selfish needs.. but on real needs.. don’t neglect one (inside) for the other (outside)

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james taylor – feb 2020 – [https://www.theguardian.com/music/2020/feb/17/james-taylor-i-was-a-bad-influence-on-the-beatles-lennon-love-and-a-life-in-song]

But the memoir is mostly about the shattering effect that early childhood trauma, addiction and grief can have generations later. It’s a subtle exploration of the “ripples”, as Taylor puts it.

Was his dad abusive? “No,” he says firmly. “My father was a remarkable and powerful and beautiful guy who self-medicated with alcohol … But he was by no means an abusive or stumble-bum or knee-walking or ditch-sleeping drunk.”

Still, an unpredictable parent is rarely a recipe for a stable adulthood. “Sure,” he says. “But complacent happiness is not a gift of the gods, either.”

His first big hit, Fire and Rain, about the suicide of a friend, includes the themes that came to define his songwriting – the precarity of our emotional lives, happiness as something to be treasured and the natural world’s capacity for renewal. The line “I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend,” prompted Carole King to write You’ve Got a Friend for him in response.

“To be able to take a juice that solves your internal stress …” he trails off. “One of the signs that you have an addiction problem is how well it works for you at the very beginning. It’s the thing that makes you say: ‘Damn, I like my life now.’ That’s when you know you shouldn’t do it again.” His wasn’t the addiction of rock mythology, chaotic and glamourised. Taylor says mostly he used the drug to “get normal”.

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gabor on alienation

Gabor on alienation

marx said there were 4 alienations in this culture

1\ alienation to nature

2\ alienation to other people – leads to physical illness.. et al..t

attachmentmissing piece #2 from maté basic needs

3\ alienation to work – when we do work that doesn’t reflect who we are.. meaninglessness.. then try to fill that w all kinds of things/false-subs.. much of econ is based on loss of meaning

art – the thing you can’t not do – rather than work\ing for other people

4\ alienation to selves – at some point in childhood you got separated from selves.. no infant is born w/o gut feelings..  our gut feelings are not luxuries.. they tell us what is wrong/false..t

authenticitymissing piece #1 from maté basic needs

3 min – the good news is human beings can regain their sense of connection to selves as well as nature..t

almaas holes law

holmgren indigenous law

to move forward all we have to do is to get back to our true nature..t

possible today for everyone (has to be everyone).. via facil-ing daily curiosity  ie: cure ios city.. with 2 convers as infra.. and tech as it could be..

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(gabor on) pain

wikipedia small

Pain is a distressing feeling often caused by intense or damaging stimuli. The International Association for the Study of Pain’s widely used definition defines pain as “an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage, or described in terms of such damage”; however, due to it being a complex, subjective phenomenon, defining pain has been a challenge. In medical diagnosis, pain is regarded as a symptom of an underlying condition.

Pain motivates the individual to withdraw from damaging situations, to protect a damaged body part while it heals, and to avoid similar experiences in the future. Most pain resolves once the noxious stimulus is removed and the body has healed, but it may persist despite removal of the stimulus and apparent healing of the body. Sometimes pain arises in the absence of any detectable stimulus, damage or disease.

Pain is the most common reason for physician consultation in most developed countries. It is a major symptom in many medical conditions, and can interfere with a person’s quality of lifeand general functioning. Simple pain medications are useful in 20% to 70% of cases. Psychological factors such as social support, hypnotic suggestion, excitement, or distraction can significantly affect pain’s intensity or unpleasantness. In some debates regarding physician-assisted suicide or euthanasia, pain has been used as an argument to permit people who are terminally ill to end their lives.

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adding page this day:

Human Pain and Healing – Gabor Maté Interview

[also adding maté basic needs 2018]

Dr. Gabor Maté (@DrGaborMate) tweeted at 8:39 AM on Sat, Dec 15, 2018:
A pleasure to speak with @m_smieszek on her #HowWeAreHuman podcast in my original hometown of Budapest about traumas—national, racial, and individual—as well as violence, conflict, addiction, and being with our pain rather than acting it out on others. https://t.co/yLIjF8DQU8
(https://twitter.com/DrGaborMate/status/1073965878859964416?s=03)

45 min podcast (times below counting backwards)

i can solve my pain politically by attacking someone else.. rather than just being vulnerable and feeling my pain

42 min – 13 when i left hungary.. grade 6

36 min – what it comes down to – are we willing to look at what we’ve done to others.. rather than just what they’ve done to us.. don’t want to feel the pain.. want to project it onto others.. we do this politically all the time..

34 min – whole thing comes down to a human difficulty in holding pain – we look for external solutions to our internal pain..t

33 min – when i can learn to hold that pain is when there’s a nurturing adult who gets what you feel.. and holds you.. then the child learns that the pain comes and goes.. but so many of us don’t have that experience.. because parents are too stressed/distracted

32 min – so we have our pain.. but we don’t know how to move thru it.. because nobody is holding us thru it the way that we need to be held.. therefore.. pain becomes unbearable and promises to be eternal unless we do something to kill the pain.. and that’s where the addiction comes in..t

we talk about pain killers.. an interesting phrase..  you can never kill the pain.. you can numb it.. temporarily.. it can be worked thru but it can never be killed

and so the addictions.. to drugs/alchohol/sex/shopping/eating/internet/porn/gambling/whatever.. always an attempt to numb the pain temp.. because of difficulty we have in holding the pain and being vulnerable to it

30 min – rather than looking for distinctions.. we have to look for connections.. ie: what person believes about self..  i conclude at 1 yr old when mom gives me away to save me.. that i am unlovable..

29 min – my self belief that i’m not worthy/lovable didn’t originate inside myself.. nor did my mother give it to me deliberately.. whole of history conspired to make me believe i’m worthless.. then i act out that worthlessness..

when i ask the question of what’s biological and what’s social.. that’s the whole point.. and i’m just writing a book about that.. we’re actually bio/psycho/social creatures.. our bio cannot be separated from our psycho/social existence.. so that experience w mother giving me away.. not only gives me a psycho experience.. it also shapes my brain.. bio of brain very much affected by what happens to me early in life

28 min – people often mistake bio for genetics.. if something is bio it has to be genetic.. it isn’t.. a lot of our bio is actually created by what happens to us early in life..

27 min – there are diseases that are purely genetic.. if have gene .. going to get the disease.. ie: ms.. that’s very rare.. for most illnesses.. there might be pre dispositions.. but they’re not determinant.. and.. most illnesses don’t even have that genetic component.. they’re just purely responses to the environ

26 min – specifically mental health.. no body has ever discovered a single gene that has caused mental illness.. nobody ever.. doesn’t exist.. they talk about multiple genes.. to me .. the whole discussion of genetics is rather tiresome.. and the reason it’s tiresome is.. what can you do about it.. if you’ve got a gene you’ve got a gene.. however.. the part that we can do something about is the environ

so if it’s the environ that turns genes on/off.. which is the case.. then let’s look at the environ.. what kind of environ’s do people need to become full, self-expressed, present, functional human beings..t

hari rat park law

undisturbed ecosystem

in the city.. as the day..

gershenfeld something else law

these are questions politicians/society don’t want to deal with.. because those questions threaten the way things are run much of the time..t

25 min – addictions.. change (brain) chemistry..  just like that

24 min – any living creature.. if a plant isn’t growing in your backyard.. you’d ask yourself.. what is it missing..t

almaas holes law

human nature is that we have certain needs.. if met.. going to be ok.. if not met.. might not be..t

maté basic needs law

let’s focus on that.. ie: 2 convers as infra

23 min – human beings are ultimately creatures of connection.. if there’s no connection.. there’d be no human life.. no human being could evolve on his/her own.. if we were like snakes.. we wouldn’t survive.. we were wired to connect.. that wiring for connection stays with us all our lives.. so we’re social creatures.. that’s part of our nature

thurman interconnectedness law: when you understand interconnectedness it makes you more afraid of hating than of dying – Robert Thurman (@BobThurman)

hari addiction law

22 min – and fundamentally what happens is.. whatever diminishes/denies/subverts our need for connection is going to lead to some kind of pathology

22 min – trauma is the disconnection.. the essence of trauma is disconnection from *self/others.. t

trauma

*maté basic needs law

suffering pain and being traumatized are not the same thing.. if suffer pain with disconnect.. not traumatized..

and it happens because the connections weren’t there to protect you.. the attachment wasn’t there to hold you

missing piece #2

21 min – the more exclusion people suffer.. either as individuals in childhood.. or as people.. the more likely they are going to be addicted.. but exclusion is not sufficient for that..  ie: colonized people.. doesn’t just exclude native but does everything to destroy self concept

missing piece #1

so exclusion but also destruction of self.. that’s what leads to addiction.. t

2 missing pieces

18 min – not genetic because prior to this conquest.. didn’t have this

17 min – indigenous healing.. almost internationally anywhere you look.. they don’t separate the mind from the body like the rest of medicine does.. their tools/science far less developed.. but their fundamental concepts are more holistic/wiser..

holmgren indigenous law

16 min – we wouldn’t have to sacrifice any of the advances of western medicine in order to open ourselves to some of the wisdom of aboriginal medicine either.. we would gain a lot actually

(magdalena) how do bridge gaps in system change when a lot of these are now illegal

15 min – partly it’s a matter of *control.. and partly.. western mind so dominated by ego.. threatened.. a fear.. of being exposed.. to these spiritual practices..  if there’s a common thread in these practices.. it knocks the ego for a loop

*why not yet

14 min – third – a kind of arrogance.. developed med science to high degree.. we tend to believe we know everything.. or.. what others believe is not worth knowing.. because we’re so good..

sicko et al

13 min – it does change brain chem.. which only shows us that what we think of self and reality.. is only a chem state.. forget psychedelics.. just by breathing deeply changes blood chem.. less acidic .. all of a sudden reality looks diff..

12 min – reality .. a rather narrow band of perceptions.. when people move outside that band.. whether thru meditation. . religious chants.. fasting.. treking..  things show up more deeply than we perceive..

11 min – magdalena quoting gabor

this refusal to see the us in them and the them in what we take to be us.. such failure of imagination is seen in every realm.. from personal relationships to international politics.. simply put.. *it reflects that clinging to identity with group of any dimension narrower than all of humanity.. there must be others who by defn do not belong .. and we may believe .. at least unconsciously.. that we are superior’..t

us/them.. marsh label law.. identity

*nationality: human

10 min – it’s a question of what we id with.. the word identify comes from the latin phrase – to make the same as.. so if i id strictly as a hungarian.. that already creates an exclusion w everybody who is not hungarian..  so identifications create the *boundaries in which we live our lives..t

siddiqi border law

but what is the fundamental reality..? the fundamental reality is that we are all human beings.. and we basically all have the same needs.. your fundamental needs are human needs you share w every other human on earth..t

all – nationality: human with maté basic needs

so let’s go that deep.. ie: deep enough for 7bn people to resonate with today.. via 2 convers as infra

9 min – while group id’s are useful as long as we recognize they are fluid/temp/arbitrary.. and they are not who we are

it’s one thing to play w id’s.. and realize they are utterly meaningless and fluid and arbitrary.. (ie: gather w soccer buddies to watch game.. but winning team makes no diff in life).. it’s quite another thing to take these solid entities and live your life out of them.. and unfortunately.. we’re encouraged by our lives/ego-defensiveness to take these id’s to ultimate reality.. be against everyone else who doesn’t id

8 min – (on soccer) games are important.. play is an important aspect of a human being..   the need for play doesn’t end in childhood.. child’s play is not a trivial thing.. but what happens when ie: you lose.. 65 yrs later still pain in heart.. wasn’t from a loss of game.. but of id.. and that we had to be winners.. so that didn’t feel bad about selves

5 min – violence around ie: football games.. from people who don’t have a sense of belonging..  and ie: in us.. can’t even do a baseball game w/o flag and flyover of military jet planes.. & sanctified singing of national anthem.. even the sport celebrations exist to support the war machine.. so it’s not innocent

3 min – on an individual level.. people need to ask themselves who they think they are.. if people just ponder who they actually are.. they might find that who they think they are is not who they actually are and that identification is really an illusion.. an illusion that comes out of pain/fear.. if they could only allow themselves to feel the pain/fear w/o having to soothe it w/o id’ing with something.. they might open up possibilities of freedom..for themselves and more contact w others..t

everyday.. ie: self-talk as data.. the ai humanity needs..augmenting interconnectedness

getting us to eudaimoniative surplus

2 min – human nature is basically.. connected.. collaborating.. and loving.. that’s human nature..  and everything that arises.. happens because of a denial of human nature in the frustration of human needs

human nature.. not whales in sea world

political systems that exist are not in service of human needs.. they’re in service of power structures..  and service of the ego

but i do think there are possibilities beyond that.. and i think it’s in the nature of human beings that we will strive for those possibilities almost despite ourselves.. so in that sense.. i’m optimistic about the possibilties

will i see significant changes in my own lifetime..? probably not.. but optimism doesn’t have to do w things happening to turn out the way you want them in your lifetime.. it has to do w how you see the long term trajectory of human life and that’s how i see it..

now there’s also dangers.. ie: destruction of environ looming over us significantly.. but.. a wise man once said: ‘human beings only set those problems they are capable of solutions’ .. so i still think it’s w/in us.. i don’t want to predict .. but.. i do believe in human beings..

begs we leap – esp since today we can..  for (blank)’s sake.. ie: a nother way

magdalena: so that compassion is the only way.. i don’t know if there is a more creative way

i’m not into giving solutions.. i just look at possibilities.. what is our personal responsibility’/interest.. that’s highly individual .. history will do that.. we can’t make that happen

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maté basic needs law

maté addiction law
healing (roots of) – [here Gabor talks about A H Almass as person he may quote most ..maybe person i quote most is Gabor .. since my he’s basis/insight of a nother way]
human nature
trauma
maté trauma law
cope\ing
almaas holes law
maté sensitivity law

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cure ios city

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gabor on hate

gabor on hate.png

Gabor Maté – nov 2018 by Abraham Gutman @abgutman

http://www2.philly.com/philly/opinion/commentary/hate-addiction-pittsburgh-shooting-childhood-trauma-gabor-mate-20181102.html

 For Maté, the question is not “Why the addiction?” but “Why the pain?”

The connecting line between addiction and hate, according to Maté, is trauma. “What happened in Pittsburgh is a manifestation of trauma,” Maté told the Inquirer. “There is no mass killer who wasn’t a traumatized person.”

Just like addiction — to drugs or classic music — provides relief to people who were traumatized as children, so does hate.

Maté talks about hate in a similar fashion: “You can’t ‘just say no’ to hate.”

“You can’t fight hatred,” Maté explains. “Telling people not to hate is not fighting hatred.”

But there are solutions. The first step is recognizing the problem.

“We have to take an honest look at ourselves as a society and as a culture and say what is it about us that foments this kind of stuff,” he says.

Two major forces contribute to hate: racism and inequality.

“The research is absolutely clear,” Maté says. “The more inequality in a society, the more hate, the more dysfunction, the more mental illness, the more physical illness.” It should come as no surprise, then, that we see more addiction and more mass shootings since “the inequality is rising all the time.” Violence against racial, ethnic, or religious groups “is a manifestation of a society that foments division amongst people and sets people against each other.”

Both hate and addiction  are a manifestation of a society that is ill, disconnected, and traumatized. It is an indictment of American culture and society that anyone finds relief by picking up a rifle and driving to a synagogue. To fight hate, we need to change our culture and society.

krishnamurti measure law

hari present in soceity law

there’s a nother way.. based on maté basic needs

ie: 2 convers.. as infra via tech as it could be.. (listening to every voice.. everyday.. focus/facil on daily curiosity ie: cure ios city)

what we need most is the energy of 7bn alive people.. to get back/to an undisturbed ecosystem

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thurman interconnectedness law: when you understand interconnectedness it makes you more afraid of hating than of dying – Robert Thurman (@BobThurman)

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maté trump law
maté basic needs law
maté not yet scrambled law
healing (roots of) – [here Gabor talks about A H Almass as person he may quote most ..maybe person i quote most is Gabor .. since my he’s basis/insight of a nother way]
human nature
when the body says no
scattered .. add
in the realm of hungry ghosts ..  addiction
maté acting out law
gabor on democracy now
gabor on capitalism
trauma
maté trauma law
cope\ing
almaas holes law

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gabor on capitalism

 

 

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why capitalism makes us sick – 27 min video from event at berkley in 2011 – Gabor Maté

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaAJQR_9Dg8]

3 min – it’s really important for people to search for the truth themselves.. and not to automatically id w any particular system.. because as soon as you start to id.. as soon as you try to find the answer outside yourself.. you may surrender your critical faculties..

begs (since we now have the means).. tech as it could be.. to free/reset us back our critical faculties.. everyday..

so if we hold onto our critical faculties and look at the truth.. what do we see.. in this society what we see is a society that literally makes people sick..

hari present in society law

krishnamurti measure law

because 50% of n american adults have a chronic illness

now..according to a strict medical model.. that’s too bad.. these people are just unfortunate.. because what the med model does.. whether w mental/physical illness.. it makes two separations: 1\ separates mind from body and 2\ separates individuals from their environment… which leaves of completely bereft of what causes most disease.. and what they’re betraying there is a complete poverty of understanding of what makes the human brain tic.. and what creates a human being .. and what causes people to behave/function/feel the way they actually do

4 min – those separations are socially imposed.. culturally defined.. and scientifically they’re completely invalid.. because the truth of it is .. that the traditional teachings of shamanic med cultures around the world.. and of traditional chinese med or indian med.. that mind and body are inseparable.. have now been validated by modern science..

5 min – so.. my profession.. although it claims to ground itself in science.. and what they call evidence based practice.. i only wish..  i only wish they looked at the actual evidence.. i only wish that they would ask themselves.. why is it in the us.. an african american male has 6x the risk of dying of prostate cancer than a caucasian.. well it’s got to be genetic.. no it isn’t.. because .. in african.. don’t suffer same rate.. so what is it in this society.. why are black women.. esp middle class black women.. more likely to suffer miscarriages.. that’s not a genetic question.. it’s a social question

6 mi – rate of autism in this country has gone up 40 fold.. or 30 fold in 30 yrs.. you know you can’t be dealing w genetics because genes don’t change in a population over 30 yrs.. or even 500 years.. there’s got to be something going on in society.. that’s driving the emotional ill health of children..

and if look at addictions.. a couple myths associated with it:

1\ that it’s a choice people make.. and the criminal justice system.. apt way of putting it.. a criminal system.. the justice system is criminal.. is based on the very idea that people are making choices when they become addicts.. if they’re not making choices.. why punish them for it

krishnamurti free will law

2\ that it’s genetic

3\ that drugs are addictive.. which is inherently nonsense.. because if it was true.. than anybody who tried a drug should become addicted.. but most people who try most drugs.. don’t become addicted.. the real question is.. why are the drugs addictive to certain people..what creates the susceptibility.. what makes them vulnerable..

hari rat park law

7 min – american army back from nam.. 20% of gi’s addicted to heroin.. a few years later.. only 1% was.. 95% cure rate.. now in my site in vancouver.. if i had 16% cure rate.. i’d be recognized as an international genius because cure rates are really really low.. how come 95% cure..? maybe have to look at lives/circumstances under which they get addicted

8 min – look at aboriginal population of n america.. these people actually had potentially addictive substances available to them.. not only available.. but they were using them.. but there was no addiction.. if substances addictive.. or if genetically inclined.. should have been addicted.. but there was no history of addiction.. prior to the coming of the caucasians.. in fact.. natives used these to raise (enhance) level of consciousness and addiction.. don’t want to be aware (escape)..

if choice and genetics don’t explain it now we have to look at history.. what happened to native people in this part of the world that drove them into addiction..

9 min – alcoholism came around in the 18th century w the rise of capitalism.. you can make a very good case that one of the health outcomes of capitalism .. is addiction.. in other words.. can you understand people in isolation from the system in which they live.. well the answer is that you can’t..

1\ biology of human beings shaped by they psychological and social environ in which they live.. ie: asthma.. it’s well known now.. not controversial.. that children who’s parents are stressed are more likely to have asthma.. if ask avg physician why .. they have no idea.. yet.. if ask how do you treat the asthma.. w stress hormones.. shouldn’t we ask then if stress has something to do w it..?

10 min – the emotional level stress of the parents.. disorganize the stress response mechs of the child

not yet scrambled ness

11 min – parameters of stress: uncertainty, lack of info, loss of control, and.. lack of opportunity to express yourself..

not voice less.. maté acting out law

when marx talked about freedom.. he talked about freedom in 3 ways

1\ freedom from economic necessities..from threat to life

2\ freedom from interference by other people

3\ freedom to express yourself.. be yourself..

that’s freedom.. now what freedom is there in this *free society..?.. when people are not free of economic worry.. tremendous uncertainty/fear.. lack of control.. **when people have no control over their lives.. they have no freedom..

*krishnamurti free will law

**is this what Benjamin means by sovereignty in the stack..?

12 min – and they’re physiologically stressed.. and when physiologically stressed.. that’s going to manifest itself in the form of illness

13 min – stats..  california study of 18 000 .. linking abuse to exponential increase in illness

14 min – stress helps.. ie in case of attack.. but if chronically stressed.. creates disease..

15 min – when it comes to addiction specifically.. vancouver stats.. the heart of addiction is always emotional loss (ref to 13 min ca study).. but another side to it as well.. if look at number of children being diagnosed with this or that disorder.. not all of them are abused.. so what’s going on..

addiction

dw winnicott: two things can go wrong in childhood

1\ things happen that shouldn’t happen.. abuse/trauma

2\ *things don’t happen that should happen.. presence of non-stressed, non-depressed, emotionally attuned, available caregivers

16 min – *that’s not available in a country where the avg maternity leave is 6.5 weeks.. where kids spend most of their time away from the nurturing adults in their lives.. in the company of other kids.. so that they’re forced to look to each other as their attachment figures.. the desperation of all these kids to connect.. the sense of disorientation they feel when they can’t connect with their friends.. by some electronic means.. it’s not a tech problem it’s an *attachment problem.. those kids have been disconnected from the adults in their lives because the adults are not there for them.. they can’t be.. they’re too *stressed..study a few weeks ago.. stressed parents.. not unloving parents.. stress parents.. simply are not as attuned to the emotional cues of their kids as they’d like to be.. allan shore: proximal separation

*missing piece #2

**unwanted stress

17 min – allan shore: proximal separation.. parent physically there but emotionally unavailable because too stressed/distracted

and this society rewards workaholism.. they tell you what a great guy you are.. they reward you for the very things that undermine the health of your family..t

and for a lot of people it’s not even a question of a choice.. ie: where exactly does single welfar

work et al

18 min – ie: where exactly does a single welfare mother go to work.. usually at low paying job far away from home where she has to commute for an hour or two.. and all that time she’s working/commuting.. her child is at some daycare.. inadequately staffed.. w undertrained personel.. so who does that child connect to..? other kids.. and children become connection .. for first time in history.. large number of kids.. immature creatures.. getting their modeling.. and their cue giving.. and sense of direction/values.. how to walk/talk.. from other immature creatures.. well what do you expect in that culture but all kinds of dysfunction.. and again..

that’s not an individual choice those parents have made.. that’s just another way in which this system is undermined the necessary conditions for childhood development

19 min – notre dame study 2010: healthiest environ for child rearing is the hunter gatherer society/village.. why.. because in hg village 3 things happen to kids that don’t happen in our culture:

1\ kids always with the parent.. well that’s not possible in this country.. when puritans arrived in america they were appalled at the parenting practices of the natives.. because the natives didn’t beat their kids.. to the christians this meant.. sparing the rod spoiling the child

2\ when kids cried they were picked up.. we’re telling people.. at 5-6 months.. don’t pick them up.. you want them to become independent..we’re missing the point that they way to promote independence is to *invite the dependence.. people can feel independent when they feel secure in the world.. promote independence by inviting dependence.. so aboriginals picked up kids when crying which meant.. brains not overwhelmed by stress hormones.. when a child’s brain is overwhelmed by stress hormones because he’s not picked up.. that has all kinds of impacts on the child’s brain development.. because brain develops in interaction with the environment..

 

jean leidloff

*invited to exist

h & g.. affluence w/o abundance.. james suzman

20 min – so even if we don’t abuse kids in this country.. but if you just follow the parenting practices recommended by the so called experts.. you’re going to screw up your kids tremendously..

3\ children are brought up in context of nurturing adults.. not just the parents.. clan/community/neighborhood

so any system that destroys those conditions.. that stresses the parents..

study led by Darcia Narvaez

hg child

21 min – it’s all in the genes is an explanation for the way things are that does not threaten the way things are

why should someone feel unhappy.. or engaging in anti social behavior.. when that person is living in the free est and most prosperous nation on earth.. it can’t be the system.. there must be a flaw in their wiring somewhere

22 min – cop story from (hungry ghosts) dead eyes.. spirit broken.. why the dead eyes.. because the child can’t escape, fight back or seek help.. the only way that they can possibly endure the trauma is to shut down their emotion and awareness of the pain

in this society.. we have a massive emotional shut down.. you can see it in the increasing violence in the culture.. in the media culture.. takes more and more to titillate us.. we’re shut down because we hurt so much.. and the more we shut down.. the more and more stimulation we need to make us feel anything at all

24 min – what do we do.. we take people who are abused to start with and then we make them the social enemy.. and they’re the ones who make up our jail populations.. so we try and rescue them if we can.. and if we fail to rescue them.. then we persecute them for the rest of their lives.. and that’s what we’re doing with this war on drugs.. and there’s no war on drugs.. you can’t war on inanimate objects.. there’s only a war on drug addicts.. which means that we’re warring on the most abused and vulnerable segments of the population..

25 min – we could argue left and right on what a failure the war on drugs has been because you see that it’s not working.. but i have a diff pov.. if decade after decade after decade.. the stated intentions of our policies are not being realized.. in fact the very opposite is happening.. then is it really a failure.. or maybe it is serving some purpose.. maybe it’s serving the purpose of maintaining the rationale.. of law enforcement and a repressive apparatus that can be used against people when the need arises.. maybe it has the function of demonizing a certain section of the population and increasing the fear in the rest of the population that justifies more repression.. maybe it has the function of keeping a whole legal apparatus going.. maybe it has the function of making a lot of money for a lot of people.. of fueling the privatized incarceration industry.. so maybe it’s not a failure after all.. from that perspective.. was nam a failure..? no.. it was lost militarily.. but the end result was.. the us still gets to control the economies of se asia.. is iraq war a failure..? well it is for the people who died there.. for the 1/2-1 mn iraqies.. but it’s not a failure for the american oil co’s

war ness

26 min – so that every war.. we have to be careful before we call them failures.. somebody wins.. the somebody who wins are the same people who are destroying neighborhoods/communities.. it’s that same system that undermines human health/dignity/connection.. that really makes life less tolerable on our planet

we don’t have to agree on what the solutions might be.. but what we do agree on is the importance of speaking the truth.. the importance of people getting together.. and struggling together for a different life.. because it’s the loss of control and the isolation and the suppression of self expression that are the greatest cause of stress.. then surely one answer to the stress of this culture is to get together and to express ourselves and not to be silent.. and to connect with other human beings

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richard on capitalism

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gabor on democracy now

 

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i’m going to boldly say.. most important democracy now segment.. because it gets to the roots of healing addressed in every other segment..

compilation of interviews from 2010 compiled in 2012 of Gabor Maté  on democracy now [hungry ghosts just coming out.. other books at that time: when body says no, scattered, hold on to kids (notes on Gabor and attachment pages)]

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nddzq8nTZg]

1st interview

esp about realm of hungry ghosts

11 min – if get impression early in life that world doesn’t want you.. spend life trying to be liked.. soothed..

12 min – on add.. if recognized not a disease.. and not genetic.. then knowing neuroplasticity .. capacity of brain to change.. then question.. not how to control systems.. but how to promote development.. begs more compassionate/caring..

13 min -Naguib Mahfouz: nothing records the effects of a sad life so graphically as the human body..

2nd interview

esp about scattered and hold onto kids

15 min – nearly half of american adolescents meet some criteria for mental health disorders.. so talking about massive impact on our children in our culture that’s just not being realized..

16 min – 1\impulse control has been diagnosed a problem w children in general not just those w add  2\behavioral control 3\ mental restless ness lack of being present

17 min – conditions in which children develop have been so corrupted/troubled..over last several decades that template for normal development is no longer present for many many kids..  vandercol – boston uni: neglect/abuse of children is the number 1 public health concern in us

18 min – notre dame: conditions for child development that h g societies provided for children.. which are the are optimal conditions for development.. and no longer present for kids..t

study led by Darcia Narvaez

hg child

h & g.. affluence w/o abundance.. james suzman

human brain does not develop on its own.. does not develop according to a genetic program.. it depends very much on environment.. and the essential condition for the physiological development of these brain circuits that regulate human behavior.. that give us empathy.. that give us a social sense..  that give us connection with other people.. connection with ourselves.. that allows us to mature ..

19 min – the essential condition for those circuits.. for their physiological development is ..

the presence of emotionally/consistently available.. non-stressed/attuned.. parenting care-givers

now what do you have in a country where the avg maternity leave is 6 wks.. where nearly 50% of poor women suffer from postpartum depression.. increasing number of men having postpartum depression as well.. this is not intrinsic to the mother/father.. people are social creatures.. programmed to coop when circumstances are right.. when support not available.. get stressed..  in this country.. non-stressed emotionally available parents is less and less.. so more.. ie: autism (emotional disconnect)

22 min – the normal basis for childhood development has always been the clan/tribe/community/neighborhood.. essentially.. post industrial capitalism has completely destroyed those conditions..

26 min – we’re correcting a massive social problem.. that has to do w disconnection in society and we’re replacing that chemically..t

hari addiction law

acting out.. that’s a great question.. acting out: portraying behavior that which you haven’t got the words to say in language.. in game of charades have to act out.. not allowed to speak.. t..yes a lot of kids are acting out.. but not about bad behavior.. we’re dealing w child hood stunted development..

maté acting out law

not voiceless

30 min – *attachment is the drive to be close to somebody.. a powerful force in human relationship.. it’s like the **most powerful force there is.. t.. even as adults.. attachment lost/threatened.. we get very ***disoriented/upset.. for babies.. that’s an absolute necessity.. like a force of gravity that pulls two bodies together.. when goes in wrong direction .. from adults to peers..

*attachment.. maté basic needs: **missing piece #2.. ***maté trump law.. let’s let that be our infra: via 2 convos

32 min – i had relationship problem w them. they weren’t connected w me and too connected to peer group.. so that’s why they wanted to spend all their time w peer group.. *and now we’ve given kids the tech to do that with.. so the terrible downside of internet.. now kids are spending time w each other (not even in presence of each other – amy) and that’s an attachment dynamic.. one basic ways to attach is to want to be w people you want to connect with

so.. *that’s just them/us/all ..acting out.. because we don’t have the words .. or people aren’t listening to the words.. that.. we need to connect.. we’re missing attachment.. who give a hoot about.. algebra.. this weeks business meeting.. whatever.. i want to connect to someone.. in some way..

hari addiction law

so when kids spend time w each other.. it’s not a behavior problem.. it’s a sign that their relationships have been skewed toward the peer group.. and that’s why it’s so difficult to peel them off their computers.. because their desperation is to connect with the people that they’re trying to attach to.. and that’s no longer us.. as the adults..

not to mention.. we’re doing the same thing..

33 min – amy: so how do we change this dynamic.. gabor: first we have to recognize its manifestations.. whenever the child doesn’t look the adult in the eye anymore.. when the child wants to be always on the .. tech..  when the child becomes oppositional to adults.. we tend to think that that’s a normal childhood phenom.. *it’s normal only to a certain degree..

*maybe not at all..

amy: well they have to rebel now in order to separate later.. gabor: no.. they have to separate.. but they don’t have to rebel.. separation/individuation.. is a normal human developmental stage.. have *to become a separate individual person.. but it doesn’t mean you have to reject and be hostile to the values of the adults.. as a matter of fact.. in traditional societies.. children would become adults by being initiated into the adulthood by elders.. like jewish bar mitzvah ceremony.. or the initiation ceremonies of tribal cultures around the world..

*authenticity.. maté basic needs: **missing piece #1.. maté trump law.. let’s let that be our infra: via 2 convos

34 min – now kids are initiated by other kids.. and now you have the gang phenom.. so the teenage gang phenom is actually a misplace initiation and orientation ritual.. where kids are actually rebelling against the adult values.. but it’s not because they are bad kids.. but because they become disconnected from adults..

cure violence ness

amy: whole debate about education.. how does this fit in  gabor: have to ask.. how do children learn.. and learning is an attachment dynamic as well..

you learn when

*1\ you want to be like somebody.. so you copy them.. you learn from them.. 

**2\ you’re curious

***3\ you’re willing to try something and when it doesn’t work you try something else

*graeber model law.. so let’s model a nother way.. ie: short

**cure ios city – as infra via 2 convos

***non compulsory.. gray play law.. bravery to change mind

35 min – here’s what happens.. caring about something.. being curious about something.. and recognizing that something doesn’t work.. you have to be given a kind of emotional security.. have to be able to be open and vulnerable.. children who become peer oriented.. because the peer world is so dangerous.. fraught w bullying.. ostracization.. dissing/exclusion.. negative talk.. how does a child protect him/herself from all that negativity.. because children are *not committed to each others unconditional loving acceptance.. **even adults have a hard time giving that.. children can’t do it.. those children become very insecure and emotionally to protect themselves they shut down.. they become hardened/cool.. nothing matters.. cool is the ethic.. aggression and cool and no real emotion..

*because that (unconditional love) has **not been modeled.. i think if it was modeled.. we could do that w peers as well.. (not suggesting to go peers.. just wondering/suggesting that we have that unconditional love in us.. for humans.. any age.. before it got scrambled..)

36 min – now.. when that happens.. curiosity goes.. because curiosity is vulnerable.. because you care about something and you’re admitting that you don’t know.. you won’t try anything.. because if you fail.. vulnerability exposed.. and in terms of who you’re learning from.. as long as kids are attaching to adults.. they’re looking to the adults to be modeling themselves on .. to learn from.. to get their cues from.. kids are still learning from the people they’re attached to.. but now it’s other kids.. so whole generation of kids looking to kids as model.. so teachers have an almost impossible problem on their hands

whoa.. whoa.. impossible problem comes from 1\ school not being centered on curiosity 2\ not being centered on someone the kid woke up that day liking and wanting to be like.. not to mention the teachers are stressed adults just like their parents..

and unfortunately .. education is seen as a case of academic pedagogy.. hence these terrible standardized tests.. and the very teachers who work with the most difficult kids are the ones who are most penalized..

37 min – the difficult kids are kicked out (because test scores matter)..  and teachers are afraid to go to neighborhoods because of troubled family relationships

not to mention not having time to do that..

kids are peer oriented.. the kids are not looking to their teachers.. so teachers are being slandered now because of the failure of the american society to produce the right environment for the child’s development..

again.. back to an impossible job.. but not because we’re messed up.. 1\ it’s (school) is a perpetuation of the problem and 2\ any compulsion won’t work..  we can’t fix this assuming school is a thing.. we need a complete do over.. and only pushing it .. because now we have the means..

*the problem reflects the loss of the community and neighborhood.. we have to re create that..t.. **so schools have to become .. not just places of pedagogy but places of emotional connection.. the teacher should be in the emotional connection game before they should be in the pedagogical game..

yes.. let’s get back to not yet scrambled ness..  tech as it could be

ie: hlb via 2 convos that io dance.. as the day..[aka: not part\ial.. for (blank)’s sake…]..  a nother way

hari rat park law

**that (school) is a bandaid.. we can get to the cure now.. so let’s not go for the temp fix..

ugh.. frustrating to hear this part.. today.. there’s a nother way..

3rd interview

esp about when body says no

39 min – the analysis of mind/body connection

40 min – any attempt to separate mind and body leaves med practitioner short of tools.. and patients short of what they need for healing

emotional centers of brain which regulate our behaviors/responses/reactions.. are physiologically connected with.. and we know exactly how they’re connected.. with the immune system.. the nervous system.. and the hormonal apparatus.. in fact.. it’s not longer possible scientifically to speak of these as separate systems..

41 min – there’s one system.. and they’re wired together by the nervous system.. by chemical messengers that they all secrete…. in short.. we have one system.. they science that studies it is psychoneuroimmunology and scientifically it’s not even controversial but it’s completely lacking from medical practice..

roots of healing

42 min – study done.. non expression of emotion.. 400% increase in death rate.. (and told of others).. these studies are done.. disappear w/o a trace.. no impact on medical practice – bermuda triangle ness.. we have the research.. we just don’t pay attention to it.. like it never happened..

43 min – repression of anger; people pleasers; sense of duty/responsibility;..

50 min – humans shaped by what happens early in life.. and in uterus..

53 min – med system narrow and leaves a lot of people w/o support

55 min – amy: most useful ways to deal w stress  gabor: almost any symptom.. ways of body saying no.. we need to pay attention.. explore what the body is saying no to.. (pleasing/suppressing..)..

56 min – individuals doing great work.. but med profession as a whole.. dismal job.. spending bn’s of dollars on researches of cancers that are never going to get us anywhere.. because we ignore the life stresses that cause (at least in part)…. we’re leaving people w/o appropriate tools to restore their own health

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love – indeed a compilation.. notes would match all i’ve taken so far.. (and yes .. dang.. couldn’t not take notes..)

so.. let’s get back to not yet scrambled ness..  tech as it could be

ie: hlb via 2 convos that io dance.. as the day..[aka: not part\ial.. for (blank)’s sake…]..  a nother way

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gabor maté – attachment & authenticity

gabor mate 5 bw

Lots of good stuff – notes here, but of particular resonation:
unconscious patterns that come very directly from childhood.
how to compensate – by making yourself indispensable
22 min – our coping mechanism.. if we’re not loved, we become charming
suppress yourself.. lose your personality
26 min – the emotional states of the parents program the brain of the child
suppress my pain – because i better not create more noise, more stress
not blaming anyone.. unconscious implicit memories and patterns that are automatic
none of these are our first nature…
you weren’t born suppressing yourself…
children (people) have 2 needs:

                                         attachment – invited to exist
                                        authenticity – to be ourselves

everyone knows what it’s like to betray yourself – to not be yourself..
what happens when authenticity threatens attachment…
the attachment will trump the authenticity
which means i’ll be stressed the rest of my life
gabor mate quote

maté basic needs 2018

maté basic needs (video) – 1 min

(gabor on) pain – across the board

maté trump law
maté basic needs law
maté not yet scrambled law
maté addiction law
healing (roots of) – [here Gabor talks about A H Almass as person he may quote most ..maybe person i quote most is Gabor .. since my he’s basis/insight of a nother way]
human nature
when the body says no
scattered .. add
in the realm of hungry ghosts ..  addiction
maté acting out law
gabor on democracy now
gabor on capitalism
gabor on hate
gabor on alienation
trauma
maté trauma law
gabor on childhood trauma
cope\ing
almaas holes law
maté sensitivity law
maté disease law
maté parenting law
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it really is that simple. (well.. not in world we live in today. ie: imagine a turtle. but if we were all free.. it would/could be that simple)
because that’s our essence.

authenticity – be you.

attachment – be us.

let’s just chill and work on that – no?

… no micro-management needed… no training… no prep.
we’re learning as we’re learning.
actually prepping for the only certainty – uncertainty.

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hold on to kids

part two:
Gabor’s book with Gordon Neufeld is a great read, especially in regard to attachment.
hold on to your kids
book links to amazon
parenting page has great 10 min clip on london reel toward bottom of page:
the real relationship doesn’t depend on words it depends on the capacity to be with 
parenting psychology in this culture has become anti child
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More of this sentiment here.

Though adolescents may want nothing more than to be able to define themselves, they discover that high school is one of the hardest places to do it.

References Brene.

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resources on his site:

gabor mate new site

his tedx:

addiction

i’m not afraid of dying, i’m afraid of living

addicts get relief from pain, sense of calmness, et al, why are these qualities missing from their lives?

not why the addiction, but why the pain

keith richards… biography –

the addiction was all about looking for oblivion, for forgetting, the contortions we go through just enough to be ourselves for a few hours

afraid of death, other people, selves

looking at why people are in pain – can’t look at their genetics, have to look at their lives

drugs are not by themselves addicted

when abused as children – those circuits don’t develop – in the brain – lack of love and attachment

then brains feel normal when they are getting it from heroin, et al

babies picking up on the stress of the mothers – shapes the child’s brain – if mother not happy around me – my mom – the world – doesn’t want me

we judge the drug addict because we see they are no different than us

in order to get power – we are quite willing to fight wars, et al

the addiction to power is always about the emptiness you try to fill from the outside

let’s not look at the people in power to change things, often they are the emptiest ones..

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dec 2013 Gabor on democracy now – adhd

gabor on democracy now

DR. GABOR MATÉ: …Secondly, to make the assumption that even if somebody has these traits, and even if they have them over a lifetime, that the significant or the only answer is medication is to ignore, again, the complexity of the human brain and human behavior. So, what we have here is a vast oversimplification of what is a fairly sophisticated problem. And it’s that oversimplification then that the pharmaceutical companies exploit to their great advantage, as Alan has documented.

ALAN SCHWARZ: .. when I heard that high school kids were snorting Adderall before the SATs, I questioned: How much pressure are we putting on these kids? I don’t think they want to do this. And so the first story that I did was in the context of academic pressure and what some kids will do in order to deal with it.

Gabor: Number two, there’s a lot of other reasons why kids might have difficulty paying attention. And the question very often is: Do they grow out of ADHD, or do they grow out of school? In other words, do they just grow out of an artificial environment, where human beings were never meant to sit for eight hours and behind a desk, and not be able to run around and play and not be able to create and express themselves and do art and be noisy? All the things that the human child naturally wants to be, and is, are suppressed, and very often in the school setting. So, we’re creating an artificially induced problem by the environments that kids are reared in. And so, when kids leave those environments, naturally they don’t have those symptoms anymore.

So, there’s all kinds of reasons why that psychiatrist who stands in front of a group of doctors and asserts that once you’re diagnosed, you have it for the rest of your life, is completely scientifically inappropriate.

GUESTS

Gabor Maté, physician and best-selling author of four books, including Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It. His latest book is In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction.

Alan Schwarz, an award-winning New York Times reporter who has extensively written about attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. His most recent article, “The Selling of Attention Deficit Disorder,” looks at how the number of diagnoses soared amid a 20-year drug marketing campaign.

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Nature VS Nurture

it seems like the greater the harm, the more respectable the addiction

life experiences (rather than dna) are what make people susceptible to addiction

on touch – whoa.

This is a segment from Moving Forward (2011). Watch the full documentary online here. by Peter Joseph

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july 2014  –

http://www.thestar.com/opinion/commentary/2014/07/22/beautiful_dream_of_israel_has_become_a_nightmare.html

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nov 2014 on rage –

http://www.thestar.com/opinion/commentary/2014/11/04/jian_ghomeshi_and_the_problem_of_narcissistic_male_rage.html

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If I had to design a system that was intended to keep people addicted, I’d design exactly the system we have – @DrMate #chasingthescream

she was a success, because she knew she was loved

Johann Hari

drug injection sites

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article (gwen gordon) – on restoring the playground to get restore attachment):
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwen-gordon/play_b_4436044.html

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feb 2015 – recovery 2.0 conf:

Movement Toward Wholeness: The Evolution of The Human Being – @DrMate recovery2point0.com/videos-day-1/ (free for next 24 hrs)

attachment dynamic – a force of gravity that pulls two people together – necessity of life

when healthy attachment is not met – then we get attached to surviving – substitutes – that cling to things –

identities become just as addictive as substances

the reason we get addicted to substances: they almost work – ie: relief of pain, joy, but they are temporary –

the more they don’t work, the more committed we are to them

the human mind – desperately clinging to (unhealthy) attachments at the peril of the host (authenticity)

human possibility is always there.. but it isn’t always realized

ceremony: opens you up to conscious  ritual: an escape from conscious

if we don’t find meaning in the present moment.. we have to find it in (temporary) attachments

___________

april 2015 – interview

http://www.addiction.com/8389/addicts-deserve-more-compassion-gabor-mate/

For 12 years, until his recent retirement from medicine, the Hungarian-born physician ran a clinic treating Vancouver’s most serious addicts, most of whom suffered from other health issues as well, including HIV and hepatitis C. The clinic, Insite, remains the only place in North America that allows addicts a safe injection site, meaning they can come to the clinic to use clean needles and have their injections medically supervised.

Maté, author of the best-selling book, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction,” believes the origins of addiction stem from childhood trauma and that addicts should be treated with more compassion. He argues against the two prevailing views of addiction: that it’s a choice people make to seek out hedonistic, self-destructive pleasure due to a lack of willpower, or that it’s an inevitable result of inherited genes.

[..]

Addiction, he believes, represents a failure of crucial brain circuits to develop early in life under the influence of a nurturing environment. “Seeing addiction itself as the problem doesn’t deal with the fundamental issue, which is a person’s attempt to solve the distress and suffering lingering from a past trauma,” he explains. “That’s why it’s not sufficient to simply try to treat the addiction.”

[..]

“Once we acknowledge that addiction is not an inherited disease — that we’re not genetically wired to become addicts — we can provide the conditions needed to help people overcome their conditions, since the brain is neuroplastic and can change with new habits,” explains Maté.

___________

addiction

beyond drugs (april 2017) – universal addiction
Most addicted people use no drugs at all and addiction cannot be understood if we restrict our vision of it to substances, legal or illicit.
Addiction is manifested in any behavior that a person craves, finds temporary relief or pleasure in but suffers negative consequences as a result of, and yet has difficulty giving up. In brief: craving, relief, pleasure, suffering, impaired control.
[..]

“I’m not going to ask you what you were addicted to,”..Only, whatever your addictive focus, what did it offer you? ..universally, the answers are: “It

helped me escape emotional pain… helped me deal with stress… gave me peace of mind… a sense of connection with others… a sense of control.”

Such answers illuminate that the

addiction is neither a choice nor a disease,

but originates in a human being’s desperate attempt to solve a problem: the problem of emotional pain, of overwhelming stress, of lost connection, of loss of control, of a deep discomfort with the self. In short, it is a forlorn attempt to solve the problem of human pain. Hence my mantra:

“The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain.”

[..]

source of pain is always and invariably to be found in a person’s lived experience, beginning with childhood.

Childhood trauma is the template for addiction—any addiction

the same brain circuits involved in all addictions, from shopping to eating to heroin dependence

a psychological and physiological response to painful life experiences

[..]

trauma is not restricted to horrific experiences. It refers to

any set of events that, over time, impose more pain on the child than his or her sensitive organism can process and discharge.

Therefore, trauma can occur not only when bad things happen, but also when the parents are too stressed, too distracted, too depressed, to beset by economic worry, too isolated, etc. to respond to a sensitive child’s emotional need to be seen, emotionally held, heard, validated, made to feel secure.

[..]

Not all traumatized people become addicted, but all addicted people were traumatized.

That is the reality of our culture, where addiction, like trauma, is so commonplace that most people also don’t recognize its presence. Yet it surrounds us, engulfs so many of us, that

our near-exclusive focus on the troubles of drug addiction is itself but another escape from reality.

___________

Eleanor, JamesJean, … your song – ness

Carl Hart, JoHann Hari, Bruce Alexander, rat park ness

___________

dis order

___________

connections…

cure violence keri

____________________

oct 2015 – The Damage Is Done: A True Story

https://www.straight.com/life/544616/dr-gabor-mate-gets-theatrical-damage-done-true-story

Maté is playing himself in a new multidisciplinary production by writer, actor, director, and therapist Rita Bozi.

The Damage Is Done: A True Story combines theatre, dialogue, essay, video, music, and modern dance to explore subjects such as depression, addiction, and suicide.

______________________

oct 2014 – human nature via omega point:

what is it about this culture that makes so many of us unhealty.. sick… et al…

on human nature…

1\ one idea – by nature selfish/competitive/aggressive.. (one this culture promotes)

2\ another.. that there is no nature – empty slate – so can program into anything – so whatever we happen to learn

3\ wired for contact/love/connection/generosity – connection beyond individual.. and whatever interferes with that creates the disfunction..

so society that promotes aggression/competition/property/production… ie: it’s only matter that matters… our form.. physical appearance defines who you are…

creating a society that goes against human nature creates the suffering.. we live in a completely unnatural society.. we live in a society that goes against human nature…

2 needs

– –

willingness to be puzzled

noam – is tall man happy – willingness to be puzzled

i’ve been fortunate in that .. i’ve been willing to be puzzled

willingness to ask the question – what’s really going on here – instead of assuming that we know..

 – –

seeing the truth of how things are

if you could do whatever to change world: i would open people’s eyes to see the truth of how things are.. ie: cutting off head.. cutting off own head; natives on own land.. who’s land

i keep looking for the truth of things.. in touch with my commitment…

how to wake people up…

i need you to wake up

howard thurman quote come alive

______

let’s leapfrog to a nother way.

do-over ad infinitum.

_______

interview jan 2016

https://www.thefix.com/gabor-mat%C3%A9-addiction-holocaust-disease-trauma-recovery

Can you act yourself into the right emotion? Let me put it this way, John; the question does not interest me. What interests me is for people to really know where they are coming from and where their actions come from. People can act the right way, but that doesn’t mean they are being the right way. You can’t force emotions; you really have to know what they are. For me, the important question is, what are the actual emotions underneath the action that are driving my behavior and where do those emotions come from? For me, it’s not a question of acting into the right emotion. It’s a question of understanding what are the source emotions from which we are acting. That is the really important question.

huge. we do this everywhere… control/agenda is killing us. and it’s why have we not yet..

[..]

The patients that I worked with—I’m talking about hardcore, street level drug users, people injecting cocaine and heroin and so on—not a single one of them ever came to me and said, “Doc, I was traumatized, and I’m using that as an excuse to do drugs.” They didn’t know they were traumatized. No doctor had ever pointed it out to them. They thought they were just fuck-ups. They thought they were just bad people. They thought they were just addicts. They didn’t realize that they were using the addiction to soothe a deep pain that was rooted in trauma. In all cases of addiction that I have seen, there’s deep pain that comes out of trauma. The addiction is the person’s unconscious attempt to escape from the pain.

[..]

generation after generation, there’s a huge statistical and causative link between that trauma and the addiction. That’s not a theory. It’s just reality.

perpetuate\ing not us ness.. as our trauma

feedback loop is broken

The necessary conditions for healthy brain development are healthy relationships with responsive parents. When the parenting environment becomes distorted or hostile and abusive, you’re actually distorting people’s brain development. This means they are going to be more likely to want to use substances to feel better in their brain in order to achieve a different state of the brain.

[..]

what I think is missing from medical practice. Whether it’s addictions or whatever it is, we are not seeing what’s driving it and what’s underneath it. T

[..]

It’s not that people have a genetic predisposition towards depression; it’s that they are more sensitive so they are more affected by what happens. The more affected you are, the more depressed you are going to get. Depression is a response to what happens.

This is how we want to parent children, and it doesn’t matter what predispositions a child has, if they get these conditions of love and respect in their childhood, they’ll never be addicted, they’ll never get depressed and they’ll never be anxious—not in terms of the medical diagnosis of those conditions.

Any person might experience anxiety at some time or sadness. I’m not talking about that, but in terms of the so-called illnesses, they will never happen. It doesn’t matter what we know about our children’s predispositions. The question is, what kind of childhood do human beings require to be healthy, self-realized creatures? Look at all of the characteristics that I listed.

The question is, why the disease focus? Your question is very disease-focused. How do I prevent a disease? That’s not the right question. That’s already coming out of fear. You don’t want to parent out of fear. The right question is what does a human being need, any human being.

[..]

Stress is the thing that leads to disease or leads to conditions for it, but certain personalities are more prone to this stress.”

This is not really controversial at all because it’s a medical reality. It’s only controversial because most doctors don’t know about it.

[..]

The repression of anger suppresses the immune system as opposed to healthy expressions of anger. It’s not a question of philosophy.

I was a physician for 33 years, and I didn’t begin with any of these assumptions. Nobody had told me about this. I just kept noticing, particularly when I worked in palliative care for seven years. We looked after terminally ill people, people who were dying of cancer, and I kept noticing and kept noticing and kept noticing that these people with auto-immune disease or with cancer typically had very tough childhoods where they survived by repressing their emotions, and that suppression of emotion was tied to their development of disease. 

[..]

Evil not as a kind of abstract force or as an embodied devil, but as the expressions of human pain that finds some release in creating pain in others, and that’s unconscious. The spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle says evil does not have an absolute existence, but has a relative existence rooted in the human unconscious. If you look at people who are willing to perpetrate such things, you look usually at traumatized people.

[..]

For me, it’s not a question of returning to a dream but a question of waking up from a dream. We have to wake up from the dream that it was ever possible to find a beautiful solution to the European Jewish problem by creating suffering for people in the Middle East. We have to wake up from that dream. It was never possible. …We are creating intense suffering for other, and we are going to create intense suffering for ourselves.

[..]

nobody’s linking that to trauma. Like Dr. Oz will have a show on addiction because it’s a big deal now to talk about addiction, but trauma won’t be mentioned. Society and the medical profession are in denial of the role of trauma in this problem. As long as we are in denial of trauma, we’re never going to understand addiction. The aha moment that needs to occur is not that we recognize how bad addictions are, but that addictions are about an escape from trauma, and this society traumatizes people. Life in this society means that a lot of people are going to become traumatized. That’s the aha moment that hasn’t happened yet.

The aha moment where the connection between addiction and trauma is recognized is what is needed.

[..]

To my mind, we don’t need positive thinking or negative thinking; we need thinking. Thinking means you don’t load your point of view with either a priori negative or positive vibes. Rather, you are simply willing to look at what is

[..]

what I recommend is consciousness.

[..]

Emotional isolation is a major risk factor for disease, addiction, illness, death and everything else.

________

most common attribute of people who are waking up: loneliness

https://www.ideapod.com/idea/The-Most-Common-Attribute-Of-People-Who-Are-Waking-Up/56fb6b7b8953ca9278ce825e

But our desire to fit in and be accepted is slowly being drowned out by our desire to be free.

like overcoming the big – attachment trumps authenticity.. as a global authenticity.. one ness..

______

aug 2016 – shocking truths of what causes addiction – via Gabor..  (45 min podcast)

http://www.growbigalways.com/episodes/gabor-mate

addiction soothes isolation and pain.. – gabor

constantly looking for a way to not be with myself.. – sam – https://twitter.com/SamLawrence

addict: slave in roman times indebt to someone and couldn’t pay debt.. so addiction implies slavery.. a lack of autonomy/control/freedom… so .. any behavior .. substance related or not.. that occurs/craves/find-temp-pleasure in or suffers long-term neg consequences.. unable to give it up.. lacks freedom to give it up..

so anyone of theses behaviors characterised by craving relief… long term neg consequence.. imperent (?) control..

9 min – whatever kind of addict.. same psych dynamics.. at heart of addiction is not any kind of disease or choice.. but emotional pain.. all attempts to escape from emotional pain… lot of pain in our society.. so not understanding addictino is not understanding pain.. in denial of the trauma… that’s at the heart of human addiction in our society…

10 min – what’s it like to be uncomfortable in one’s own skin.. our narrow defn of addiction allows us not to look at that trauma.. not to look at that pain

sam – i’m guilty of that whole us and them thing.. the labeling.. is a completely mired language..

gabor.. doesn’t only apply to addiction.. but mental models in general.. ie: we thought depressions/anxiety/adhd is a disease.. which allows us to not look through society.. what’s actually true.. doesn’t matter what mental condition you look at..we have a continuum throughout entire society… disease model allows us to.. sequester these people .. so we don’t have to look at our similarities with them…

14 min – w/o loving contact.. infants don’t survive.. so drug addicts.. see loss of connection..

reading book about pigmies… have maintained original form for thousands of years till recently… very communal… tremendous sense of security and belonging… gradual breakdown.. esp accelerated under industrialized systems… where people lose community..

16 min – more culturally isolated.. more pain.. more want to soothe paint..

17 min – if say someone is drinking too much.. say.. feeling no pain… so pain relievers.. but also behaviors of addiction: gambling, sex, overeating.. trigger release of ednorphins…

not what the addiction.. but why the pain…

primary problem/disease is the pain experience..

19 min – guilt as denial..

20 min – sam – on the distraction methods we surround ourselves with

21 min – industries arise to soothe pains.. rather than release them.. services/producs..- gabor

22 min – individual level – addiction all about trauma… in form of abuse.. neglect.. hurt.. but can also be developmental.. children not getting needs met.. ie: physically held.. but emotionally ignored.. actually shape brain in certain ways

24 min – social level – stresses people.. ie: more stressed parents.. less emotionally available to kids.. a multi generational.. and cultural transmission of pain.. question of seeing how this culture induces stress on those people.. can’t separate..individuals from environment… so individual help is a cultural/social issue..

yes.. thinking the whole.. voluntary compliance ness – from previous stress

28 min – where rat study comes in.. substances aren’t addictive.. it’s the environment/society..

what have now – highest rates of addiction/suicide/abuse.. was totally foreign to them.. shows.. addiction is response to certain circumstances

29 min – bruce alexander… globalization of addiction.. (2nd best book i’ve ever written)..  talks of rat park.. shows addiction is not inborn.. not disease.. but a response to environment..

rat park

32 min – so does that mean for us .. we need to change our cage.. – sam

gabor: as soon as brain is developed in fetus.. has to begin with looking after pregnant women and young children… et al… kids well taken care o f…

addiction has nothing to do with telling people how bad drugs are but.. with creating conditions in which human beings develop in a healthy way.. that calls for vast social changing.. rethinking of priorities... on social.. on individual.. not what addiction but why pain.. the essence of trauma.. discomfort/disconnection with self is exactly that.. not sufficient to base on behavior aspects w/o reconnection to self.. is not sufficient…

a nother way

35 min – nazi occupation.. all jewish babies crying.. picking up on mother’s stress…  so i accumulated a lot of pain/fear.. get sense that world doesn’t want me.. plays w/ my attention problems.. because tuning out is a way to deal with it..

book – scattered – not a disease.. it’s from environment.. so i compensate by ie: becoming successful dr and to be wanted by everybody.. which also means i’m a work-a-holic.. emotionally distant from self.. and is what my children experience… we just keep passing it on..

39 min – not guilt.. but lack of consciousness. if approach from position of guilt.. you can’t help them..then saying.. you’re a mistake i made.. so first to deal with is the guilt....so heal self first.. don’t try and fix children.. heal yourself..

42 min – has to be awareness/acceptance that this is how it is.. then an unflinching dedication.. ie: each time problem arises.. another opp to grow/learn.. dedication to expansion.. expansion means .. a letting go..

_______
crazywise (doc) – (Will Hall, Phil Borges et al)

________

human nature talk (2011) with Robert Sapolsky, Gabor Mate, James Gilligan, Richard Wilkinson from

lots of gems.. from Gabor in this 30 min clip.. from zeitgest‘s moving forward film

on why we’re not us.. and our basic needs to be us.. and the myth of who/what we are..

h  u  g  e

all here: human nature

healing (roots of)

_________

oct 2016

http://drgabormate.com/trump-clinton-trauma/

The flaws of our leaders perfectly mirror the emotional underdevelopment of the society that elevates them to power.

_________

Dr Mark Tyndall (@DrMtyndall) tweeted at 8:46 AM on Sat, Feb 04, 2017:
Fixing fentanyl means treating trauma that creates addicts
https://t.co/HjRsFbXCYs https://t.co/xscxeG6wOQ
(https://twitter.com/DrMtyndall/status/827906084912312320?s=03)

the first question when dealing with opiate-dependent human beings should be not “why the addiction” but “why the pain?”

addiction

[..]

The answer is trauma: deep, unresolved trauma that imposes a lifetime of suffering, fear of reality, isolation, hopelessness and an urgency to alter one’s experience. This is where addiction comes in.

The meaning of all addictions could be defined as endeavours at controlling our life experiences with the help of external remedies,” wrote the psychiatrist Thomas Hora.

[..]

And what is the nature of the trauma that drives people to desperation?

In my 12 years in the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver, ground zero for addiction in Canada, all my female patients reported sexual abuse in childhood, all the male patients abuse or neglect of one kind or another.

[..]

As large scale international epidemiological studies have repeatedly demonstrated, childhood adversity is at the core of the emotional patterns and psychological dynamics that drive addiction.

Further, childhood trauma shapes the physiology of the developing brain in ways that induce a susceptibility to addiction. Hence the addiction-prone person finds relief in substances that would not entice others, even after repeated exposure to the same drugs.

In turn, prolonged drug use also changes the brain in ways that further entrench the addictive drive.

Trauma, induced by Canada’s colonial history and far from healed yet, is also what accounts for the high rates of alcoholism and other substance dependencies in our First Nations communities, to say nothing of the shocking preponderance of First Nations citizens in our jails, for legal reasons often rooted in addiction.

[..]

It is not a fault, not a moral lapse, not a sin, not a failure of will, nor yet even an inherited disease, but a complex response to suffering. It is not a legal problem but a human problem, to which the solutions need to be humane in every possible way.

Inclusion, not ostracizing, needs to motivate our policies; not punishment but support, not judgment but empathy.

_______

on parenting

http://www.acesconnection.com/blog/dr-gabor-mate-and-full-potential-parenting-even-when-it-is-hard

_______

instrumental

________

ayahuasca healing

http://chacruna.net/deep-ayahuasca-healing-truth-who-you-are/

In the mind-identified culture of the left-brained industrialized world we have forgotten that true wisdom arises from deeper within us than our conscious thoughts and formal learning. We forget, in fact, that our conscious thoughts and bookish learning often mask our hidden fears, motives, and pain.

___________

mar 21 2017 via Gabor fb share:

Dr. Mate is featured on Sounds True: Insights at the Edge podcast, where he shares his views on modern mental health evaluation – specifically the widespread diagnosis of ADHD and depression. http://www.soundstrue.com/store/weeklywisdom…

starts at 3 min –

born in budapest.. jewish – jan 44 – 2 months german war – extermination had not yet reached hungary.. but w/in 5 months.. much of my family to auschwitz.. occupation lasted 1 yr

auschwitz

story that affects most of my work.. day after occupation.. my mother called pediatrician.. because Gabor crying.. of course i will come but informed her.. all jewish patients are crying.. speaks to the essence of childhood experience:

what happens to the parent happens to the child..

6 min – quoting from AH Almaas  .. i quote this very often.. in fact.. he may be the one person who i quote most often

A H Almass

http://www.ahalmaas.com/glossary/pain

The child is very open, and can feel the pain and suffering going on in its immediate environment. The child is aware of its own body and can also feel the tension, rigidity, and pain in the mother’s body or anyone else it is with. If the parents are suffering, the child feels it. If the mother is suffering, the baby suffers too. The pain never gets discharged.

that insight coupled with that antidote has informed a lot of my work.. whether it comes to physical illness..addictions or any other afflictions that human beings might face..

6 min – my father came back from forced labor.. mother didn’t know if he was even alive for almost a year and a half.. germans finally expelled from budapest by the russian army in jan 1945…

7 min – a month before the liberation in budapest.. my mother had handed me to a complete stranger in the streets of budapest because she could no longer guarantee my survival.. jews were being deported/killed by nazis.. she didn’t know when it would be her turn.. so she gave me to a strange woman in the street.. and i didn’t see her for a month.. which engrained in my a lifelong sense of abandonment/loss.. which.. at age 73 still shows up sometimes in my relation with my wife

8 min – how that pain transfer has influenced how you work w/patients/addiction: so a number of things happen: 1\the buddha said at some point.. w/thoughts create world.. but didn’t say.. before thoughts.. world creates our minds.. my question is.. ie: there’s a man right now that says – world is a horrible place – direct quote:

if live in a world which is a horrible place you’re going to have a certain attitude towards the world and a certain way of conducting yourself –

this man is president of us and he lives in a world that’s horrible..

9 min – get perception from earliest experience.. so what kind of a world did i get.. i got a world in which there is inexplicable suffering.. for which i have to compensate somehow..one way for compensating/enduring/dealing with suffering is to dissociate/tune-out

look at the (growth) of adhd diagnoses.. what’s really happening.. parents circumstances have become so stressful.. and because parents are stressed .. children are stressed.. these children are tuning out .. to protect themselves.. at a time when their brain is been developing.. and now they’re being diagnosed left/right/center with a so called medical disease.. an inheritable medical disease.. it’s neither a disease nor is it inheritable.. it’s actually a normal response to an abnormal circumstance..of parental stress.. so what i’m saying is that a lot of the adult disfunction mental/physical illness that i see is actually the outcomes of childhood coping mechanisms..

our first question.. why so many people stressed 

adhd ness

realized they already have a transcript.. so digging in .. and adding rest on new page: healing (roots of).. also

___________

find/follow Gabor:

link twitter

https://drgabormate.com/

wikipedia small

Gabor Maté (born January 6, 1944) is a Hungarian-born Canadianphysician who specializes in neurology, psychiatry, and psychology, as well as the study and treatment of addiction. In Dr. Maté’s approach to addiction focuses on the trauma his patients have suffered and looks to address this in their recovery, with special regards to indigenous populations around the world. His book In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts, close encounters with addiction, Dr. Maté discusses the types of trauma suffered by addicts and how this affects their decision making in later life. He is also widely recognized for his perspective on attention deficit disorder and his firmly held belief in the connection between mind and body health. He has authored four books exploring topics including attention deficit disorder, stress, developmental psychology and addiction. He is a regular columnist for the Vancouver Sun and the Globe and Mail.

Born in Budapest, Hungary in 1944, he is a Jewish survivor of the Holocaust. His maternal grandparents were killed in Auschwitz when he was five months old, his aunt disappeared during the war, and his father endured forced labour at the hands of the Nazis. He emigrated to Canada with his family in 1956. He was a student radical during the Vietnam War era in the late 1960s and graduated with a B.A. from the University of British Columbia in Vancouver. He worked for a few years as a high school English and literature teacher, and later returned to school to pursue his childhood dream of being a physician.

Maté ran a private family practice in East Vancouver for over twenty years. He was also the medical coordinator of the Palliative Care Unit at Vancouver Hospital for seven years. Currently he is the staff physician at the Portland Hotel, a residence and resource centre for the people of Vancouver’s Downtown. Many of his patients suffer from mental illness, drug addiction and HIV, or all three. He works in harm reduction clinics in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. Most recently, he has written about his experiences working with addicts in In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts.

He made national headlines in defense of the physicians working at Insite (a legal supervised safe injection site) after the federal Minister of Health, Tony Clement, attacked them as unethical.

In 2010, Maté became interested in the traditional Amazonian plant medicine ayahuasca and its potential for treating addictions. He partnered with a Peruvian Shipibo ayahuasquero (traditional shamanic healer) and began leading multi-day retreats for addiction treatment, including ones in a Coast SalishFirst Nations community that were the subject of an observational study by health researchers from the University of Victoria and the University of British Columbia. Although preliminary and limited by the observational study design, the research results showed that Maté’s claims of therapeutic efficacy were well-founded and that participants had significant improvements in some psychological measures and reductions in problematic substance use. However, when the conservative Canadian federal government learned about Maté’s work with ayahuasca in 2011, Health Canada threatened him with arrest if he did not immediately stop his activities with what they claimed was a harmful illegal drug. Yet, Health Canada’s own research on ayahuasca in 2008 showed that they knew the risks associated with the ceremonial use of the brew were very low, and that it had considerable potential value for spiritual and self-actualizing purposes

forbidden cures et al..

A recurring theme in Maté’s books is the

impact of a person’s childhood on their mental and physical health through neurological and psychological mechanisms, which he connects with the need for social change.

a nother way

In the book In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts, he proposes new approaches to treating addiction (e.g. safe injection sites) based on an understanding of the biological and socio-economic roots of addiction. He describes the significant role of “early adversity” i.e. stress, mistreatment and particularly childhood abuse, in increasing susceptibility to addiction. This happens through the impairment of neurobiological development, impairing the brain circuitry involved in addiction, motivation and incentive. Dr Maté defines addiction as any behaviour or substance that a person uses or takes part in that has negative consequences. The person tries to stop but will crave the substance or behaviour and will ultimately relapse. By this definition there are many things in modern culture that have the potential to become addictive such as gambling, sex, work and of course drugs.He argues the “war on drugs” actually punishes people for having been abused and entrenches addiction more deeply as studies show that stress is the biggest driver of addictive relapse and behavior. He says a system that marginalizes, ostracizes and institutionalizes people in facilities with no care and easy access to drugs, only worsens the problem. He also argues the environmental causes of addiction point to the need to improve child welfare policies (e.g. U.S. welfare laws that force many single women to find low-paying jobs far away from home and their children) and the need for better support for families overall, as most children in North America are now away from their parents from an early age due to economic conditions. He feels that society needs to change policies that disadvantage certain minority groups, causing them more stress and therefore increased risks for addictions.

The impact of childhood adversity is also noted in When the Body Says No: Understanding the Stress-Disease Connection. He notes that early experiences have a key role in shaping a person’s perceptions of the world and others, and in stress physiology, factors that affect the person’s health later on. He says that emotional patterns ingrained in childhood live in the memory of cells and the brain and appear in interpersonal interactions. He describes the impact of ‘adverse childhood experiences’ or ACEs (e.g. a child being abused, violence in the family, a jailed parent, extreme stress of poverty, a rancorous divorce, an addict parent, etc.) on how people live their lives and their risk of addiction and mental and physical illnesses, as seen in a number of U.S.-based Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) studies. Having a number of ACEs exponentially increases a person’s chances of becoming an addict later on e.g. a male child with six ACEs has a 4,600% or 46-fold increase in risk. ACEs also exponentially increase the risk of diseases e.g. cancer, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc. and also suicide and early death.

He argues that patients should therefore be encouraged to explore their childhoods and the impact on their adult behaviors. Overall, he argues people benefit by taking a holistic approach to their own health. For instance, he has seen people survive supposedly terminal diagnoses by seriously considering their “mind-body unity” and “spiritual unity”; going beyond “the medical model of treatment.”

healing (roots of)

He has also spoken about how the rise in bullying, ADHD and other mental disorders in American children are the result of current societal conditions e.g. a disconnected society and “the loss of nurturing, non-stressed parenting.” That is, we live in a society where for the first time in history, children are spending most of their time away from nurturing adults. He asserts that nurturing adults are necessary for healthy brain development

Books

  • Scattered Minds: A New Look at the Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder, Toronto, Canada, A.A. Knopf Canada, 1999 (published in the United States as Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It).
  • When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress, Toronto, Canada, A.A. Knopf Canada, 2003 (published in the United States as When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection).
  • Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers, co-authored with developmental psychologist Gordon Neufeld, Toronto, Canada, A.A. Knopf Canada, 2004.
  • In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction, Toronto, Canada, A.A. Knopf Canada, 2008.

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Gabor w Brian Rose on london real
is it possible to cure people
wrong question.. possible for people to heal… but under what conditions.. but hardly a likelihood.. because approaching from wrong direction
nevermind don’t get help they need.. get more oppression.. self-perpetuating cycle of taking traumatized people and re traumatizing them.. they won’t give it up.. the more hurt they are the more they need to escape..
asking brian – he says relief was.. a and a..
addiction was an attempt to solve a problem.. that they don’t know what to do with
the med profession is traumaphobic
more interested in solving your problems and getting you to overcome the behavior.. rather than resolve what’s going on inside..
healing roots of

by doing you’ll never get satisfied when your hunger is about being..

which addict causes more problems in the world

could no longer use black slaves.. so .. 13th amendment.. can use black criminals

deepest reason – denial of pain

aboriginal population suffer most from addition – under colonialism.. benign wings of british empire.. aboriginals displaced.. culture destroyed.. self-image transformed into negative.. and to deal with that..

we’d have to look at ourselves..

we don’t like the trauma story.. in the terrorist story we get to be victims.. (then goes on to show.. we created terrorists..).. do we really understand the source.. what has been our role

brian: is it possible to reduce trauma

brian.. a nother way

gabor: how you do that.. start reducing stress/trauma at first pre natal visit.. by not medicalizing birth.. by supporting young parents to be with their children..

brian: so we have to up our humanity by 10x

let’s try 7 bn x.. we can

addiction showed up in late 18th cent.. because loss of communes

bruce alexander – globalization of addiction.. when people lose their place.. lose connection to culture/meaning/spiritual values.. more dislocation greater addiction..

bruce 

hari rat park law

on trauma.. things that happen emotionally.. messing w immune system.. because not separable.. happening 24/7

self repression as way of coping… because of unshakable union of mind and body

recovery: find yourself..

talking greek island

ikaria

the more sensitive the child is.. the more affected

if we’re going to become whole (healing) let’s look at everything

there’s no war on drugs.. there’s a war on drug addicts.. not even on drug dealers..

human infant is an attachment machine.. can’t survive w/o it.. so take care of attachment relationship with children at any age.. infants can teach you about it if you really listen..

a and a..

acting out: portraying in behavior what you don’t have words for

usually it has to do with some trouble aspect with attachment

trauma fundamentally comes down to lack of attachment.. not lack of love.. but lack of attuning..

on ah almaas

a h almaas

i’m also looking for a deeper inner healing.. i’m not where i want to be

to 20 yr old self: not your fault the way you/world is.. don’t work so hard to be liked.. you’re ok..

best advise: to thine own self be true.. from aunt – i wish i’d understood what that meant

there’s a lot of people out there that see the truth but they don’t control the media.. so not much validation.. you have to deepen your truth.. never be afraid of your own truth.. and.. never be afraid to let go of it.. if you find a deeper truth.. whatever you do out in the world.. do an equal amount internally..

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advice to younger self – 6 min clip from london real interview

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hF_BHZqmt6s]

3 min – to thine own self be true.. i wish i’d understood what that meant

imagine 7 bn grokking it.. a nother way

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fb share

“Addiction is an attempt to solve a problem in your life. What happened to create the discomfort with yourself and the present moment that you have to escape from?” – Dr Gabor Maté. Watch an excerpt from the interview, below.

Dr Maté is a featured keynote speaker for the Radical Recovery Summit – a gathering of leaders in the recovery field sharing their innovative approaches to the exploding epidemic of addiction in the many forms it takes. His interview focuses on trauma, abuse and neglect as the real root of addiction and the radical step of reconnecting within for true healing and recovery.

Watch his interview at 11AM Eastern on Saturday September 23rd, 2017, or watch the replay until midnight Sunday evening.

Click here to sign up. http://linktrack.info/.2mbo2

Please share with your networks.

 

the horse that’s pulling us is the discomfort and lack of safety you experience in your life.. that you have to escape from

addiction not as the primary problem.. but as an attempt to solve a problem..

treatment.. takes a lot of courage and a lot of safety

stephen porges (polyvagal): when people are safe.. neurophysiologically they’re in a diff state when they are not safe

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Porges

neocortex not threatened ness

for people to open to their pain/hurt.. they have to feel very safe.. that it’s ok to be that way.. that they’ll be taken care of.. that they won’t be punished/judged/rejected.. they’ll be actually heard..

spaces of permission w nothing to prove.. quiet/safe enough for all the voices

parents just couldn’t see.. because they couldn’t see themselves.. that they had been traumatized..

the most fundamental catastrophe is the result of that first catastrophe which is a loss of connection to your essence..

(still stephen): the real problem wasn’t that your mother/father couldn’t support you.. or maybe even they hurt you.. the problem is that as a result of that you lost a connection to yourself.. that’s the greatest calamity

now.. that’s the good news.. because if the problem was what happened to you and i however may decades ago.. if that’s the problem.. we’re basically lost.. cause it ain’t never gonna not happen

but if the problem is that a result of that.. we lost the connection to our essence.. well that can be regained at any moment.. and that’s the positive news..

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radical addiction treatment

http://www.breakthroughpsychologyprogram.com/dr-gabor-mate-radical-addiction-treatment.html

so on hold and now have read: scattered and hungry ghosts

grazie

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gabor on democracy now

i’m going to boldly say.. most important democracy now segment.. because it gets to the roots of healing addressed in every other segment..

compilation of interviews from 2010 compiled in 2012 of Gabor Maté  on democracy now [hungry ghosts just coming out.. other books at that time: when body says no, scattered, hold on to kids (notes on Gabor and attachment pages)]

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nddzq8nTZg]

love – indeed a compilation.. notes would match all i’ve taken so far.. (and yes .. dang.. couldn’t not take notes on separate page: gabor on democracy now )

so.. let’s get back to not yet scrambled ness..

ie: hlb via 2 convos that io dance.. as the day..[aka: not part\ial.. for (blank)’s sake…]..  a nother way

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gabor on capitalism

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2 part interview – the fix – dec 2017

p1 – addiction

https://www.thefix.com/dr-gabor-mate-trauma-underlying-stigma-addiction-interview

In the addiction movement, people talk about recovery. What does it mean to recover something — it means to find it. When you recover something, you get it back. In other words, what we get back is ourselves. That self is never actually lost. If we can identify how we lost the way and how

p2 – trump/trauma/compassion

https://www.thefix.com/dr-gabor-mate-donald-trump-traumaphobia-and-compassion-interview

If people can just listen to the other person’s experience, then they could see them and feel compassion for the pain that they are experiencing. It might be necessary to take away the word addict because the word is now packed with so many negative connotations of stigma. Every time you want to say the word “addict,” you have to say instead: “A human being who suffered so much that he or she finds in drugs or some other behavior a temporary escape from that suffering.” What if we were forced to say that every time we wanted to say addict?

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via Jason fb share

why are so many adults haunted by trauma (interview from june 2017)

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_are_so_many_adults_today_haunted_by_trauma

The essence of trauma is disconnection from ourselves. Trauma is not terrible things that happen from the other side—those are traumatic. But the trauma is that very separation from the body and emotions. So, the real question is, ..

“How did we get separated and how do we reconnect?”

It’s not an automatic outcome of living in the world that we should become disconnected. It’s a product of a certain way of life and a certain way of parenting and certain childhood experiences, where it becomes too painful to stay connected so disconnection becomes a defense.

JN: So, as a society and as individuals, what is the way back to wholeness?

GM: It’s impossible under capitalism, because the essence of capitalism is to separate the mind from the body.

People matter only insofar as they produce, consume, or own matter.

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Bruce and Gabor: in trailer: age of disconnection

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Gabor on Jordan via fb share

Gabor is often asked about his take on Jordan Peterson. Here’s a Twitter thread on the topic…

https://twitter.com/DrGaborMate/status/1059220087234879488

4/ Peterson no doubt genuinely means to empower young men (and perhaps women) with his “12 Rules for Living”. And indeed, responsibility and knowledge of self are positive and healthful qualities—but ONLY if accompanied by a fully explored emotional life.

5/ Sadly his message, like his health, is being compromised by a choked rage that distorts his world-view. Hence his appeal to those who, perceiving themselves as victimized by the culture & threatened by social change, seek comforting explanations for their anger and insecurity.

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on under the skin w/russell

Russell Brand (@rustyrockets) tweeted at 3:08 AM – 10 Nov 2018 :
.@DrGaborMate with a master class on addiction and trauma. Jaw dropping data.
Listen here: https://t.co/KUf7SZoxko
Spotify: https://t.co/k8YBDUsu4v
#UnderTheSkin https://t.co/12jcaCZXEz (http://twitter.com/rustyrockets/status/1061198852278108161?s=17)

6 min – 12 steps don’t talk about pain.. failure to incorporate trauma

9 min – easier to go the disease mode than the pain/trauma mode.. have to look at it w/o judgment and w deep curiosity.. t

cure ios city

11 min – consumerism demands mentality in which i fundamentally believe that i’m insufficient w/o this external fix..t

12 min – society creates artificial needs rather than meeting people’s genuine needs.. because economy relies on that.. t

maté basic needs

14 mi – compassion not utopian.. evolutionary/experiential.. mammalians are wired for empathy..

15 min – most of us born open/vulnerable.. when that’s hurt.. trauma

almaas holes law

18 min – just as i see anyone open to heroin addiction.. i see sainthood in all of us

22 min – vancouver – worked there for 12 years – portland hotel society.. had not a single patient who hadn’t been sexually abused as a child

fighting for space

23 min – there’s a tremendous relationship between addictions and creativity and mental illness and artists.. writers and painters and musicians and so on..

crazywise ness

maté sensitivity law:

and the link i believe (between addictions and creativity).. is sensitivity.. 

the more sensitive you are the more creative you’re going to be.. but the more sensitive you are the more you’re going to suffer as well.. because you’re going to feel the pain more.. in other words.. you have more of a need to escape from the pain.. and that escape from pain is what drives addictions.. it’s also what drives a lot of mental illness..

24 min – so a lot of them are artists.. very interesting people.. and the thing i appreciated most about them.. they lied/manipulated/cheated.. they had to in order to get their next hit.. but they didn’t pretend to be anybody else than they were.. they’re absolutely willing to be themselves.. they’re liars and –  yes doc i stole this – willing to be themselves.. and that’s refreshing.. most of us are over sensed thru a lot of our pathways to social circles.. that people might be nice but nobody’s quite themselves.. and there.. there’s no pretense to be anyone else other than who they are..so that’s tremendously refreshing.. t

wilde not us law

26 min – i can acknowledge that part of myself and know that i’d be understood.. only diff between us.. it they had suffered more than me

27 min – i’ve either had less suffering or more help w my suffering.. but morality.. nobody chooses to suffer

28 min – when talk about addiction as brain disease.. maybe.. but as result of suffering

29 min – addiction is an attempt to regulate your inner state to an external behavior.. something about the inner state that’s unbearable..

30 min – the sex addict is not about sex.. it’s about that change you describe.. if the sex addict were about sex.. the solution would be simple.. marry another sex addict.. it’s about that temp state.. regulating that unbearable state..

what the addicts wants is to not be addicted.. and when it’s not craving you’re not addicted.. at end.. when immediately (and short term) think you don’t need it anymore..

32 min – addictions serve a function.. the addict just wants to feel like a human being..t

nic

34 min – we can’t understand why people use until we get what they get from it

35 min – any trauma that hasn’t been worked thru will be passed on to next gen

41 min – we’re failing at treating addiction, mental health, health.. and not because of the science.. not isolated.. have to do w/emotional/spiritual lives.. (i wrote in when body says no)..

when body says no

42 min – for this society to function it has to separate the soul from the body.. we wouldn’t treat people the way we do if we had souls.. t

45 min – everything is a matter of set and setting

how to change your mind

46 min – i realized how my heart had been shut down against love all my life.. my heart had been hurt so early in life that shutting down was the only rational/natural response.. but kept me limited.. so i got why people use it.. addiction is the heart trying to shut down.. just one more modality that we’re foolish not to explore

51 min – r: do you think this could bring about revolution

if you believe you live in a horrible world.. you’re going to be aggressive..t

53 min – that’s what i see.. (when i look at people) i see their trauma..t

54 min – these are traumatized people.. otherwise they couldn’t do it .. they wouldn’t be that split.. and these are the people that our society rewards w power.. that’s the sign of a traumatized society (my next book)..t

58 min – the system wants people who make it palatable

1:04 – ‘nationality’ .. is an addiction.. makes you feel better short term.. rather than an understanding of a common humanity..t

nationality: human

famous people justifying the status quo – ie: pinker.. people who are in denial get a lot of play in the system..t

winners take all

1:07 – r:  how do we popularize these ideas.. g: i wish i had a non glib answer to that.. all any of us can do is use whatever platform we have.. keep looking/refining

1:09 – we have a social structure that induces trauma in a lot of people.. so all this looks perfectly natural.. anthropologists don’t take the assumptions of the culture for granted..ie: human nature is evil/competitive/aggressive/selfish..t

assumption of culture is also that hate is some evil that has to be combatted.. but hate can’t be combatted – so we’re always looking for enemies to fight.. so easy to sell enemies in this culture..t

black science of people/whales

1:10 – first point.. when looking at others.. looking at self

1:11 – the way we treat addiction in this society.. we confuse people w their behavior.. we have to punish the behavior.. no.. we have to understand the human being that just wants to be loved.. and that’s why he’s so addicted.. so how about we treat him w love..t

1:12 – why does society fail at so many things.. we’re not looking at real human beings.. just at behaviors..t

deeyah

1:14 – in your book.. recovery.. the divided self..  the thing is to get conversive/relations w divided self.. (rather than blame it)

1:16 – my wife is allergic to my romantic eyes/view.. she sees it as a manifestation of me.. she knows there’ll be a downside.. she wants me to just see her

1:18 – you’re not ready to be w your daughter unless she’s pleasing you.. (can’t stand seeing her cry – so offered her chocolate).. but what you do is just be there..  jordan peterson says broken child needs to sit by self.. that makes her feel abandoned..  all she needs from you is to help her hold her anger.. then in future.. she won’t need to fill that hole w whatever

1:20 – what an adult can do a child can’t do.. is take responsibility for self.. that’s why it’s bad to punish kids (time out et al)..

1:23 – hold onto your kids..  h&g.. child w many adults.. human brain needs to attach.. w/o it we don’t survive.. but nature doesn’t tell us who to attach to..  in our culture.. our kids lose contact w adults very early.. result is prolonged immaturity.. resistance to parents..

1:24 – we have to be aware of what we’ve lost

1:25 – r: so if you have a disconnected population where all their energy could be directed toward production (g: and acquisition).. you will create econ success but you will also create dysfunction.. (g: you create addiction.. mental illness.. aggression..  all kinds of unhappiness)..t

norton productivity law

huge

1:28 – what we have in jail are the most traumatized people in our society..  and by the way.. if you kill one person you go to jail.. if you kill a million you get a noble peace prize.. and considered a great diplomat.. there’s a bit of a disconnect here.. t

incarceration.. dirty wars.. noble

1:29 – people need compassion not punishment.. ie: harm reduction et al

harm reduction

1:30 – (when asked why.. given that we know so much about what’s not working and what might.. we haven’t changed)..war on iraq.. war on drugs.. are successful for a lot of people of power..t

excellent evidence of war on drugs.. johann hari’s chasing the scream

chasing the scream

1:33 – in all addictions.. it’s all the same brain circuits.. denial.. escape.. new forms come but dynamic is old..

solution has to begin at first pre natal visit..  help people heal the trauma

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200 spaces for compassionate inquiry training –  a powerful therapeutic approach developed by Dr. Gabor Maté for healing trauma and understanding mental and physical illness

https://online.compassionateinquiry.com/p/professional-training

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interview on pain (full notes on pain page):

Dr. Gabor Maté (@DrGaborMate) tweeted at 8:39 AM on Sat, Dec 15, 2018:
A pleasure to speak with @m_smieszek on her #HowWeAreHuman podcast in my original hometown of Budapest about traumas—national, racial, and individual—as well as violence, conflict, addiction, and being with our pain rather than acting it out on others. https://t.co/yLIjF8DQU8
(https://twitter.com/DrGaborMate/status/1073965878859964416?s=03)

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interview with Aaron Maté:

Is there something we can learn about ourselves from Russiagate’s all-consuming prevalence? @DrGaborMate joins me & @GrayzoneProject for a unique take on the psychological dynamics behind it: “America in Denial: Gabor Maté on the Psychology of Russiagate” https://t.co/hylvhiJXOp
Original Tweet: https://twitter.com/aaronjmate/status/1125769455949185027

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Dr. Gabor Maté (@DrGaborMate) tweeted at 9:01 AM on Thu, Oct 10, 2019:
Thank you again to @rustyrockets for having me be a part of this special event. https://t.co/keozjJMmLy
(https://twitter.com/DrGaborMate/status/1182310279666814977?s=03)

@oldvictheatre: ‘The stigma of mental illness vanishes when we realize we are all in the same boat. It cannot be otherwise: there is only one boat’ #WorldMentalHealthDay

#OneVoice

https://www.oldvictheatre.com/news/2019/10/there-is-only-one-boat-the-myth-of-normalcy-by-dr-gabor-mate

there is only one boat.. the myth of normalcy by gabor

But suffering is not the same as disease.

To pathologize certain people as ‘mentally ill’ is to assume a baseline standard of normal ‘mental wellness’ met by the rest of humanity. Let’s dispense with this myth of normality.

The process we call mental illness also reflects the nature of the political, social, cultural and economic environment in which we are reared and in which we live, work, love and seek to be loved.

ie: the sea world of whales in sea world when we could be humans in ie: rat park

Fromm wrote, ‘mental health cannot be defined in terms of the “adjustment” of the individual to his society, but, on the contrary… it must be defined in terms the adjustment of society to the needs of man, of its role in furthering or hindering the development of mental health. Whether or not the individual is healthy is primarily not an individual matter but depends on the structure of his society’t

fromm

krishnamurti measure law

whales in sea world when we could be humans in ie: rat park

perhaps 2 convers as our infrastructure would get at our deepest needs ie: maté basic needs; almaas holes law; ..

As Fromm says, it is to the very nature of a society we must look when seeking to understand the sources of mental illness or health. For ultimately, as humans, we are biopyschosocial creates, a fancy word that simply means our biology—including the biology of our brains—is inseparable from our psychological processes or from the social environment throughout the lifetime

hari present in society law

The dynamic nature of what we call mental illness also means that healing is possible— it is the same dynamic moving in the other direction, from fragmented to whole. Healing is not the same as pharmacologically suppressing symptoms..t Medications may have a role, as I can both professionally and personally testify, but they are not the answer because they do not address the fundamental trauma of disconnection from the self and from safe and nurturing social affiliations—the disconnection at the core of all psycho-emotional distress and symptomatology. The best case would be that medications allow those who need them the space to do this deeper work.. t

aka: bi as temp placebo

ie: money (any form of measuring/accounting) as the planned obsolescence to get at the root of healing

The stigma of mental illness vanishes when we realize we are all in the same boat. It cannot be otherwise: there is only one boat. In my work with severely addicted people, with depressives, with schizophrenics, with men and women challenged by bipolar tendencies, I have never met one whose dynamics, to one degree or another, I could not recognize in myself.

i know you ness

best med/cure – work on augmenting our interconnectedness

As for healing, although the search for wholeness is a highly personal process, it is equally an expression of a universal capacity that inheres within all of us. It means finding the lost connection to ourselves, for which we require—beyond the limitations of medical diagnoses—compassionate contact with other human beings who can support the very same needs that were not satisfied at some essential points in our lives: the needs for love, belonging, acceptance, and meaning.May we all, my fellow beings in normalcy and dysfunction, attain the ultimate sanity of connection with our true selves, with one another, and with the Creation that lies beyond yet embraces us all.

fittingness

maté basic needs

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from march 2018 interview with tim and gabor – 2:23 hrs – [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9B5mYfBPlY] – tweet link below is to 6 min clip

15 min – someone once called me a people whisperer.. always to bring insight and liberation to people

30 min – defn of addiction

40 min – not talking about abuse.. but stressed parent.. tuning out is a coping mech.. programmed to brain.. shaped by environ..  create problems.. ie: add; addiction; depression.. in long run.. from pushing it down because can’t endure/escape the pain

2:00 – that’s what trauma is.. we don’t respond to the present.. we respond to the past

tweet that intro’d me to interview:

Always great to revisit this lively conversation @tferriss . https://t.co/DkYnMPaPyY
Original Tweet: https://twitter.com/DrGaborMate/status/1190307377586823169

3 min – what tools to use to get to why the pain rather than why the addiction.. g: i call it compassionate inquiry

5 min – need to know what trauma is.. trauma is not what happens to you.. it’s what happens inside you.. disconnected from self.. neg view of world/self.. defensive view of other people..  issue is not to recognize what happened many years ago.. but to recognize how they manifest in the present.. then recovery – find self again.. loss of self is the essence of trauma.. real purpose of any kind of healing is reconnection..t

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june 2019 – Dr Gabor Maté on Childhood Trauma, The Real Cause of Anxiety, Our ‘Insane’ Culture and Ayahuasca – 28 min video

“When I talk about being connected to ourselves, I’m talking about actually knowing what we feel and experience in a given moment, and being able to interpret that appropriately. You’ve never met an infant who’s not connected with its gut feelings. By the time you talk to adults, you find many people who even if they have their gut feelings, they ignore them. Something happens between infancy and adulthood that disconnects us. What that is, is our need for acceptance by our environment.”

See the full interview discussing how widespread trauma is in modern society, here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7pV0IPWUlI.

28 min video:

i’m an imposter.. i’ve written books and give talks.. but all i’m saying is .. treat children well and they’ll be fine.. don’t and they won’t

3 min – greek word for trauma is wound..  healing involves scar tissue.. bigger wound.. bigger scar.. loss of feeling, reduced flexibility.. a psychic wound that hardens/pains you.. whole life regulated by fear and pain.. trauma isn’t what happens to you.. it’s what happens inside you

5 min – very few people grow up fully untraumatized in this culture..

6 min – also less resilient.. because resilience requires connection

7 min – most people.. and legal system.. ed system.. knows very little about trauma.. so end up punishing rather than rehabilitating

connected to self – knowing self.. feelings.. et al

9 min – we were born w that capacity.. never met an infant not connected to gut feelings.. by the time talk to many adults.. many don’t even have gut feelings.. because they ignore them.. so something happens from infancy to adulthood that disconnects us.. what is that..t

not yet scrambled ness

what that is is the need for acceptance by our environ.. if our environ cannot/will-not accept our gut feelings and healthy emotions.. then the child in order to belong and fit in will automatically/unwittingly/unconsciously repress/suppress emotions and connection to self for the sake of staying connected to the nurturing environ.. w/o which the child can’t survive.. t

maté trump law

brown belonging law

10 min – a lot of children are in this dilemma.. do i feel/express what i feel or do i have to suppress that in order to be acceptable.. to be a good/nice kid..t

if parent isn’t in touch with self.. can’t tolerate the child’s feelings.. react in anger.. and the child learns.. i mustn’t feel what i feel.. because i have to belong to my parents.. a tragic choice.. not even a choice.. automatic.. then we get into adulthood.. and.. i don’t even know who i am..t

11 min – fit w econ ..(study/report this summer .. 80% of males in canada stressed in jobs) .. econ needs people who will go into meaningless/drudgery/intolerable (jobs) .. but will put up with it.. so there’s a confluence with the needs of the econ and the way we parent kids.. t

bs jobs et al

the more disconnected kids are .. the more they can fit into the econ.. t.. that doesn’t care about human feelings.. just cares about profit and production.. so just a cycle..

new book – myth of normal in an insane culture

12 min – if you look at sanity as something that’s congruent w human nature/needs.. never mind nature.. just look at needs.. for meaning/connection/validation/belonging/transcendence.. and look at those as needs.. this society is insane because it tramples on those human needs.. that’s what makes it insane.. so normal in society.. they’re conforming to an insane standard

krishnamurti measure law

writing another book with my son: hello again.. a fresh start for adult children and their parents

14 min – (on anxiety and panic attacks) in general.. all mental health disorders originates in childhood experience as a coping mech

cope\ing ness

afraid when we’re threatened.. child’s biggest need.. attachment w parent.. so should feel fear when not around.. and when parent is responding to their (natural) parent instinct.. they will respond when child cries out..

15 min – what happens to a person who’s parents are taught not to pick up kids when crying.. now that natural fear that causes the crying.. which brings the parent.. which ends the anxiety .. is embedded in the child.. so what begins as a coping mech.. now becomes generalized

16 min – so .. when i have that anxiety when there’s no immediate threat.. what is that about.. it’s not a response to anything external.. it’s the embedded anxiety that i developed as a child.. in a society that makes people more isolated all the time (so a cry for some desperate help from childhood trauma – normal – needs relief)

18 min – the more you get to know yourself.. the freer you are.. whatever you bring out of self.. will free you.. whatever you don’t will kill you

19 min – align your psyche w body..

20 min – on ayahuasca – under proper circumstances.. can relive childhood experiences.. w the insight of an adult.. so get to know true nature.. get to make friends w it.. a romanticized version.. sometimes just get a stomach ache.. and for some.. fears can be very difficult.. not for everybody.. but for a lot of people can be profound journeys into the soul

but .. an adult not in tune w self.. no? – insight in need of detox

24 min – endometriosis.. fibromyalgia.. all from childhood trauma.. stresses from suppressing self.. their disease is their body saying no

maté disease law

when body says no

25 min – (advice to 18 yr old) – i was trying to fix the world.. because of stuff i was suppressing.. so.. get to know yourself.. combine curiosity about self.. curiosity means .. you really don’t know.. really open to finding out .. and open to any kind of outcome.. that takes a lot.. because people are afraid of what they will find

26 min – so to 18 yr old self.. relax.. the world is benign.. it will support you.. use it to support yourself.. get to know yourself.. not on selfish needs.. but on real needs.. don’t neglect one (inside) for the other (outside)

__________


james taylor

james taylor

adding page this day:

james taylor – feb 2020 – [https://www.theguardian.com/music/2020/feb/17/james-taylor-i-was-a-bad-influence-on-the-beatles-lennon-love-and-a-life-in-song] – by @jenny_stevens

Break Shot: What a great read!

https://t.co/X5jxiIP6bK

Original Tweet: https://twitter.com/Carole_King/status/1229472743344656384

‘I was a bad influence on the Beatles’: James Taylor on Lennon, love and recovery

“This is where it started,” he says. “The moment.” He made his first trip here in 1968, playing for Paul McCartney and George Harrison and becoming the first artist signed to the Beatles’ record label, Apple Records. This was before he moved to Laurel Canyon with the rest of the denim-draped California dreamers who defined the sound of the late 60s and far beyond. Before he met David Crosby, Stephen Stills, Graham Nash, Neil Young, Jackson Browne, Linda Ronstadt, Carole King and Joni Mitchell. Before he and Mitchell fell in love. Before he wrote his pivotal album Sweet Baby James during a stint in a psychiatric hospital. Before his marriage to Carly Simon, which opened up his personal life – including his long battle with heroin addiction – to public consciousness. Before he sold 100m records, performed for the Obamas and the Clintons, and then, decades later, appeared on stage with one of the world’s biggest pop stars, Taylor Swift, who is named after him.

john, all we are saying, ..

He has also released an audio memoir – Break Shot – which takes him back to his turbulent early years, finishing with that first London trip. He is anxious, he says, about how the memoir will be received. It covers his father’s alcoholism and his brother’s death from the disease, as well as his own drug addiction, all of which, he worries, could be sensationalised. But the memoir is mostly about the shattering effect that early childhood trauma, addiction and grief can have generations later. It’s a subtle exploration of the “ripples”, as Taylor puts it.

gabor on childhood trauma

Was his dad abusive? “No,” he says firmly. “My father was a remarkable and powerful and beautiful guy who self-medicated with alcohol … But he was by no means an abusive or stumble-bum or knee-walking or ditch-sleeping drunk.”

Still, an unpredictable parent is rarely a recipe for a stable adulthood. “Sure,” he says. “But complacent happiness is not a gift of the gods, either.”

His first big hit, Fire and Rain, about the suicide of a friend, includes the themes that came to define his songwriting – the precarity of our emotional lives, happiness as something to be treasured and the natural world’s capacity for renewal. The line “I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend,” prompted Carole King to write You’ve Got a Friend for him in response..t

“To be able to take a juice that solves your internal stress …” he trails off. “One of the signs that you have an addiction problem is how well it works for you at the very beginning. It’s the thing that makes you say: ‘Damn, I like my life now.’ That’s when you know you shouldn’t do it again.” His wasn’t the addiction of rock mythology, chaotic and glamourised. Taylor says mostly he used the drug to “get normal”..t

maté addiction law

His father’s family had owned a sanatorium, the Broadoaks asylum in Morganton, North Carolina. “After the civil war, there was a huge opiate problem. A lot of the business in the sanatorium was treating addiction – a lot of mental health problems were secretly addiction problems,” he says.

I was a bad influence to be around the Beatles at that time, too.” Why? “Because I gave John opiates.” Did you introduce him to them? “I don’t know,” he says. Lennon, by many accounts, picked up a heroin habit in 1968 that contributed to an unhealable rift in the band.

“It really was a perfect moment, that Laurel Canyon period,” Taylor says. “Carole lived up there, Joni and I lived in her house there for the better part of a year. The record companies were relatively benign and there were people in them who cared about the music and the artists – it hadn’t become a corporate monolith yet. There was a sense of there being a community: myself, Jackson Browne, Joni Mitchell, Carole King, Crosby, Stills and Nash. David Geffen was in the mix a lot. Linda Ronstadt, Peter Asher, Harry Nilsson. You know, it was pretty much what they say. Things really worked well.”

“And I would be an addict for another 10 years. I mean, you marry (carly) an addict, you just have no idea who this person is, and he doesn’t have any idea who he is either. It’s terrible.”

same to with whales in sea world.. why marriage\ing ness is so off

the only advice I give to people who are recovering from addiction is that physical exercise is the only antidote to feeling like you can’t stand being in your own skin.”Is that how it feels? “It’s terrible. It’s like you don’t want to be here,” he says, motioning to his body. “But in here is where you live.” For 15 years, Taylor exercised for hours every day: running and rowing. “It set me free,” he says.

mermaid swim law et al

_________

wikipedia small

_________


numeracy

numeracy

wikipedia small

Numeracy is the ability to reason and to apply simple numerical concepts. Basic numeracy skills consist of comprehending fundamental arithmetics like addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. For example, if one can understand simple mathematical equations such as 2 + 2 = 4, then one would be considered possessing at least basic numeric knowledge. Substantial aspects of numeracy also include number sense, operation sense, computation, measurement, geometry, probability and statistics. A numerically literate person can manage and respond to the mathematical demands of life.

man made demands..

By contrast, innumeracy (the lack of numeracy) can have a negative impact. Numeracy has an influence on career decisions, and risk perception towards health decisions. For example, innumeracy distorts risk perception towards health decisions and may negatively affect economic choices.

rather.. may cause bad health.. like econ choices already do..

we need to let go of money (any form of measuring/accounting)

“Greater numeracy has been associated with reduced susceptibility to framing effects, less influence of nonnumerical information such as mood states, and greater sensitivity to different levels of numerical risk”

[..]

The first couple of years of childhood are considered to be a vital part of life for the development of numeracy and literacy. There are many components that play key roles in the development of numeracy at a young age, such as Socioeconomic Status (SES), parenting, Home Learning Environment (HLE), and age.

and ability to brainwash

maté parenting law: there’s a confluence with the needs of the econ and the way we parent kids.. the more disconnected kids are .. the more they can fit into the econ  – Gabor Maté

Children who are brought up in families with high SES tend to be more engaged in developmentally enhancing activities. These children are more likely to develop the necessary abilities to learn and to become more motivated to learn.

gray bio design law: children come into the world biologically designed to educate themselves – Peter Gray

More specifically, a mother’s education level is considered to have an effect on the child’s ability to achieve in numeracy. That is, mothers with a high level of education will tend to have children who succeed more in numeracy

aka: better at being whales in sea world et al

[..]

There seems to be a relationship between literacy and numeracy, which can be seen in young children.

indeed.. ie: language as control/enclosure.. begs we let go and go with ie: /idio-jargon et al

literacy and numeracy both elements of colonialism

..There is some evidence that humans may have an inborn sense of number.

we have an inborn sense.. the critical issue is to not scramble/compromise/cancerize that with ie: supposed to’s.. of school/work et al

Numeracy has a huge impact on employment.

of course.. part of the bondage.. let go.. of earning a living ness et al

The term innumeracy is a neologism, coined by analogy with illiteracy. Innumeracy refers to a lack of ability to reason with numbers. The term was coined by cognitive scientist Douglas Hofstadter; however, it was popularized in 1989 by mathematician John Allen Paulos in his book Innumeracy: Mathematical Illiteracy and its Consequences.

i used to love that book.. till i realized both literacy and numeracy were killing us – of math and men and measuring things.. et al

_______________

adding page this day (via tweet from david:

David Wengrow (@davidwengrow) tweeted at 4:58 PM on Tue, Feb 04, 2020:
Has anyone worked on the rejection of numeracy as a conscious strategy of avoidance (e.g. of social rank, or wealth-based inequalities?)
I guess Amazonia would be one place to start, with groups like the Yąnomamö who prefer not to go beyond 2 . .
(https://twitter.com/davidwengrow/status/1224844774655627266?s=03)

i believe i have (last 10 ish yrs experimentationwhat we did.. short findings restate).. but probably not in the sense you’re looking for..  (probably not academic enough.. meaning no paper on it.. which is kind of the point of what i found)

.., just starting this line of thought . .

https://t.co/nEqkou0XrL

Original Tweet: https://twitter.com/davidwengrow/status/1224849712240644098

links to article: When 1+1≠ : Making Mathematics in Central Brazil by Mariana Kawall Leal Ferreira [https://faculty.sfsu.edu/~marianaf/]

Mariana K. Leal Ferreira (Ph.D. UC Berkeley–UC San Francisco, joint degree in 1996) is a medical anthropologist from Brazil using Critical Theory, including Theater and Pedagogy of the Oppressed, to protect the human rights of Indigenous Peoples and other minorities in North and South America. Her most recent books include Mapping Time, Space and the Body. Indigenous Knowledge and Mathematical Thinking in Brazil (Sense Publishers 2015, see www.sensepublishers.com/catalogs/bookseries/new-directions-in-mathematic…), and Acting for Indigenous Rights. Theatre to Change the World (UMN 2013, see www.indig.umn.edu). Dr. Ferreira is currently Professor of Medical Anthropology and Associate Director of the School of Humanities and Liberal Studies at San Francisco State University, California, in the United States of America

that reach far beyond the sole exchange of property

right.. into the soul of the human being.. worse cancer..

marsh exchange law: all trade must benefit those powerful enough to reciprocate – Heather Marsh

bateson measuring as managing law

graeber values law

In this ethnographic account of mathematical activity among the Juruna, Kayabi, and Suyá of central Brazil, I show how arithmetic practices are fashioned in a specific social setting. Values and symbolic properties of both the *gift exchange and capitalist economics structure arithmetic dilemmas in the Xingu Indian Park. Within a broad social field that transcends the boundaries of the park to include prospecting sites and cattle ranches, **economic calculations are extended to all kinds of goods, both material and symbolic. The distribution and circulation of these different forms of capital are discussed in view of the constitution of particular arenas of exchange. Practice theories highlight the ways in which mathematical knowledge is constituted in everyday activities, challenging functional assumptions about cognition and schooling. By articulating principles of the gift with those of capitalist exchange, mathematics is construed by the Juruna, Kayabi, and Suyá as a product of social work and symbolic fashioning. [mathematics, gift exchange, practice theories, cognition and schooling, Kayabi, Juruna, Suyá, Xingu Indian Park]

*gift ness.. tit for tat ness..

**literacy and numeracy both elements of colonialism.. we need to calculate differently and stop measuring things

like saying f (num) and b (lit) the same

lit & num as colonialism

_______________


still\ness

adding page while reading Ryan Holiday‘s (2019) stillness is the key

holiday stillness

notes/quotes:

preface

xiv

‘you may be sure that you are at peace w yourself’ seneca wrote ‘when no noise reaches you, when no word shakes you out of yourself, whether it be flattery or a thread, or merely an empty sound buzzing about you w unmeaning sin’

xv

in english (apatheia): stillness.. to be steady while the world spins around you. to act w/o frenzy. to hear only what needs to be heard. to possess quietude – exterior and interior – on command

intro

1

the news bombards us w one crisis after another.. the grind of work wears us down and seems to never stop. we are overfed and undernourished. overstimulated, overscheduled, and lonely.. who has the power to stop? who has time to think?

while the magnitude and urgency of our struggle is modern, it is rooted in a timeless problem.. pascal in 1654: ‘all of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone’

pascal quiet law

the stillness required to become master of one’s own life. to survive and thrive in any and every environ, no matter how loud/busy

kierkegaard busy ness law

this idea of stillness is not some soft new age nonsense or the domain of monks and sages, but in fact desperately necessary to all of us.. it is an attainable path *to enlightenment and excellence, greatness and happiness, performance as well as presence.. for every kind of person

‘is the key’ ness to *these things.. (earlier said to success).. ? hoping he let’s go of this.. we won’t get still enough.. if we have some/any agenda .. (ie’s of when stillness is needed: ‘military strategy; running hedge fund; playing super bowl’)

3

ie of lincoln’s military strategy as key ‘the war can never be brought to a close until that key is in our pocket’.. as it happened, lincoln turned out to be exactly right.. it would take years, .. but the strategy laid out in that room was what won the war and ended slavery in america forever

ended slavery in america forever..? whoa

4

because he (lincoln) possessed the key that unlocked victory from the rancor and folly of all those early competing plans

wow

it (stillness) is the key to (then has list which includes): id ing right goals; being productive; being a better investor;..

i’m thinking that if we still think we need to make goals, be productive, invest.. then we weren’t still enough.. listen deeper

5

anyone who has given their best to something, felt pride of completion.. that’s stillness

completion? pride? stillness?

6

the aim of this book is simply to show how to uncover and draw upon the stillness we already possess.. it’s about the cultivation of and the connection to that powerful force give to us at birth, the one that has atrophied in our modern, busy lives..

not yet scrambled ness.. almaas holes law.. et al

7

this book is an attempt to answer the pressing question of our time: if the quiet moments are the best.. and if so many wise, virtuous people have sung their praises, why are they so rare?

the answer is that while we may naturally possess stillness, accessing it is not easy.. one must really listen to hear it speaking to us. and answering the call requires stamina and mastery.. garry shandling: ‘to hold the mind still is an enormous discipline.. one which must be face w the greatest commitment of your life’

yeah.. i don’t know.. for whales in sea world.. maybe.. but if we just let the whales out.. natural.. energy to do it .. natural.. no need for ‘commitment’ ‘training’ .. et al

ie: let’s do this firstfree art-ists.. for (blank)’s sake.. there’s a nother way

part 1 – mind

9

the bhagavad gita: ‘the mind is restless, krishna, impetuous, self willed, hard to train: to master the mind seems as difficult as to master the mighty winds’

yeah.. not so sure the mind was designed to be trained

carhart-harris entropy law (less order).. fromm spontaneous law (active solidarity is the spontaneity).. et al

the domain of the mind

(on jfk and war strategies)

ugh

13

kennedy wanted everyone to slow down so that they could really think about the problem in front of them (on whether or not to destroy missile site)

this is in fact, the first obligation of a leader and a decision maker

go deeper.. rather.. why we shouldn’t have leaders/decision-makers

our job is not to ‘go w our gut’ or fixate on the first impression we form about an issue. no, we need to be strong enough to resist thinking that is too neat, too plausible, and therefore almost always wrong. because if the leader can’t take the time to develop a clear sense of the bigger picture .. who will?

has to be all of us.. not one leader

if the leader isn’t thinking thru all the way to the end, who is?

best to not be any of us.. esp not a leader

ie’s of jfk’s ‘stillness’ thru notes he took ‘missile, veto, consensus

22

kennedy, like lincoln, was not born w this stillness. he was  a defiant troublemaker in high school.. he had his demons and he made plenty of mistakes

wow..

so missing it.. go deeper

become present

24

marina abramovic (on her 3 month sit/stare performance at moma): ‘people don’t understand that the hardest thing is actually doing something that is close to nothing.. it demands all of you.. there is no object to hide behind. it’s just you’..

being present demands all of us. it’s not nothing.. it may be the hardest thing in the world..

as we stand on podium.. our mind is focused not on task but on what everyone will think of us.. as we struggle w a crisis.. mind repeats on a lop just how unfair/insane this is.. why are we draining ourselves of essential emotional/mental energies right when we need them most?

25

there may be a beautiful sunset, but instead of taking it in, we’re takin a pic of it.. we are not present.. and so we miss out. on life. on being our best. on seeing what’s there..

monet to see law: ‘to see we must forget the name of the thing we are looking at.’
Claude Monet

many of the people in line to see marina’s performance accidentally illustrate this phenom.. rushed by her art to be first in line, chatted/napped to kill time, planned what they would do when it was their turn.. how much ordinary wonderfulness they closed their minds to..

26

then after.. immediately resume busy lives.. in short.. did they do exactly what all of us do most of every single day? we do not live in this moment. we.. try desperately to get out of it – by thinking, doing, talking worrying, remembering, hoping, whatever.. we sign up for endless activities and obligations, chase money and accomplishments, all w the naive belief that at the end of it will be happiness..

tolstoy observed that love can’t exist off in the future.. love is only real if it’s happening right now.. if you think about it,t hat’s true for basically everything we think, fee, or do..  there is no greatness in the future, or clarity, or insight, or happiness, or peace.. there is only this moment

27

not literally 60 seconds.. the real present moment is what we choose to exist in.. however long we can push away the impression of what’s happened before and what we worry or hope might occur at some other time.. right now can be a few minutes or a morning or a year – it you can stay in it that long..

who is so certain that the’ll get another moment that they can confidently skip over this one? the less energy we waste regretting the past or worrying about the future, the more energy we will have for what’s in front of us

we want to learn to see the world like an artist: while other people are oblivious to what surrounds them,t he artist really sees.. their mind, fully engaged.. notices the way a bird flies or the way a stranger holds their fork or a mother looks at her child.. they have no thoughts of the morrow.. all they are thinking about is how to *capture and communicate this experience

*need to let go of that as well.. no?

free art-ists.. all of us

28

don’t reject a difficult or boring moment because it is not exactly what you want. don’t waste a beautiful moment because you are insecure or shy. make what you can of what you have been given. live what can be lived.. that’s what excellence is.. that’s what presence makes possible

well.. not so easy for everyone.. we need to return shells first.. has to be all of us.. each unconditionally free

29

if you’ve had trouble w this in the past.. that’s ok.. that’s the nice thing about the present. it keeps showing up to give you a second chance..

equity – everyone getting a go .. everyday.. groundhog day ness.. et al..

limit your inputs

30

napoleon instructing his secretary to wait 3 weeks before opening any correspondence.. loved to note how many supposedly ‘important’ issues had simply resolved themselves and no longer required a reply.. he had to be selective about who and what kind of info got access to his brain..

1990’s – the cnn effect – too much info

weinberger too big law .. fuller too much law.. et al

31

‘if you wish to improve’ epictetus once said, ‘be content to appear clueless or stupid in extraneous matters’

give little things a little space, don’t consume news in real time, be a season or two behind on latest trend/cultural phenom.. let trivial problems resolve themselves .. the important stuff will still be important by the time you get to it.. the unimportant will have made its insignificance obvious (or simply disappeared).. then, w stillness rather than needless urgency or exhaustion, you will be abet to sit down and give what deserves consideration your full attention

imagining that to simply be daily curiosity  ie: cure ios city.. using 2 convers as infra via tech as it could be..

there is ego in trying to stay up; on everything.. thee is ego in trying to appear the most informed person in the room..

taleb knowledge law et al

32

if we were stiller, more confident, had the longer view, what truly meaningful subject could we dedicate our mental energy to?

daily curiosity .. every day.. because what the world needs most is the energy of 8b alive people

33

eishenhower found.. most of what was truly important was not remotely time sensitive.. allowed them to be strategic rather than reactive.. a mile deep on what mattered rather than an inch on too many things

today.. we can go even deeper.. still reactive if being still/strategic over that finite set of choices..

first thing great chiefs of staff do.. is limit the amount of people who have access to the boss..so the boss can see the big picture.. so the boos has time and room to think.. because if the boss doesn’t.. nobody can

that’s whack.. needs to be all of us.. today it can be all of us

knowing what not to think about. what to ignore and not to do. it’s your first and most important job

nah.. just listening to your heart.. makes all that (wasted energy on deciding what to focu on) irrelevant

34

it you want good output, you have to watch over the inputs.. this will take discipline.. it will not be easy.. this means fewer alerts/notification.. blocking in coming tests.. questioning that ‘open door’ policy.. it means pushing away selfish people who bring needless drama into our lives..

rather.. it means creating a global ecosystem.. where everybody has something else to do (the thing they can’t not do).. then all this you’re talking about .. again.. becomes irrelevant.. and some of it inhumane.. (ie: pushing away people, closed doors, ..)

the way you feel when you awake early in the morning and your mind is fresh and as yet unspoiled by the noise of the outside world – that’s space worth protecting.. 

this is spot on.. let’s work on that.. ie: 2 convers as infra

huge

35

it is in this stillness that we can be present and finally see truth. it is in this stillness we can hear the voice inside us..

not so much about truth.. but about true north ness.. ie: fittingness

listen to your heart ness – hear\t ness

how different would the world look if people spent as much time listening to their conscience as they did to chattering broadcasts..

rather.. to the supposed to’s.. of school/work

empty the mind

37

‘..’childlikeness’ has to be restores w long years of training in the art of self forgetfulness. when this is attained, man thinks yet he does not think’ – d t suzuki

1 yr to be 5 again.. getting us back/to not yet scrambled ness..

40

as shawn green stepped into batter’s box for 6th and final time, he said to himself, ‘there’s no sense in thinking now’.. he cleared his mind, and enjoyed himself like a kid a ta little league game.. no pressure. just presence. just happy to be there

well.. like a kid.. a free kid.. not little league

slow down, think deeply

45

on mr rogers show starting w yellow yield light.. to slow down. be considerate. be aware..

as a child in pa, fred rogers had been a victim of vicious bulling. kids picked on him because of his weight and because he was sensitive about it.. it was a horrible experience.. but this pain spurred his groundbreaking work in public tv.. ‘i began a lifelong search for what is essential’ he said about his childhood ‘wha tit is about my neighbor that doesn’t meet the eye’.. he even framed a print of that idea on the wall of his production studio in pittsburgh, a snipped form one of his fav quotes: what’s essential is invisible to the eye..

see with heart ness

fred rogers

that is: appearances are misleading. first impressions are too. we are disturbed and deceived by what’s on the surface, by what others see. then we make bad decisions, miss opps, or feel scared or upset.. particularly when we don’t slo down and take the time to really look

monet to see law et al

46

we can’t be disturbed by initial appearances, and if we are patient and still, the truth will be revealed to us.. that’s what mr rogers taught children to do..he’d help them clear up understandable confusion or fears..  he reassured his viewers that they could figure just about anything out if they took the time to work thru it.. with him.. together

47

we have to get better at thinking, deliberately and intentionally, about the big questions

if we’re still enough.. we’ll realize.. the ‘big questions’ are a distraction as well.. symptoms of not being still enough

48

to see what matters you really have to look.. to understand it, you have to really think. it takes real work to grasp what is invisible to just about everyone else

perhaps only because today it requires detox first.. after detox.. it’s natural

this will not only be advantageous to your career and your business, but it will also help you find peace and comfort

won’t get to peace with those goals..

49

we’re talking as certainties impressions we have yet to test..

whales in sea world et al

50

twyla tharp exercise: mindless mental wandering for 10 min or so.. until you ensure that something interesting will come to mind.. the gaelic phrase for this state of mind is ‘quietness w/o loneliness’

dang.. let go of the goals.. the outcomes..

if you invest the time and mental energy, you’ll not only find what’s interesting.. you’ll find truth.. what other people have missed.. solutions to the problems we  face – whether it’s insight to the logic of the soviets and their missiles in cuba, or how to move your business forward, or how to make sense of senseless violence..

(war? business? violence?).. let go

start journaling

52

anne frank: ‘paper has more patience than people’

anne used her journal to reflect. ‘how noble and good everyone could be’ she wrote ‘if at the end of the day they were to review their own behavior and weigh up the rights/wrongs.. they would automatically try to do better at the start of each new day, and after a while, would certainly accomplish a great deal’.. she observed that writing allowed her to watch herself as if she were a stranger

hosting life bits .. document everything.. self-talk as data.. et al

54

michael foucault talked of the ancient genre of hupomnemata (notes to oneself).. this is what the best journals look like. they aren’t for the reader.. they are for the writer.. to slow the mind down.. to wage peace w oneself..

journaling is away to ask tough questions: where am i standing in my own way? what’s the smallest step i can take toward a big thing today? why am i so worked up about this? what blessings can i count right now? what’s the harder choice i’m avoiding?

if we are truly free to be truly still..  those ‘harder’ questions all become irrelevant/distractions.. clears us (as you keep pushing for – clarity).. toward what naturally/indigenously matters from deep within.. ie: daily curiosities

55

that’s the idea.. instead of carrying that baggage around in our heads/hearts, we put it down on paper..  instead of letting racing thoughts run unchecked or leaving half baked assumption unquestioned, we force ourselves to write and examine them.. putting your own thinking down on paper lets you see it from a distance..

56

it’s a few minutes of reflection that both demands and creates stillness.. it’s a break from the world.. a framework for the day ahead.. a coping mech

today .. we have the means for it to simply be data used to augment our interconnectedness

ie: 2 convers as infra via tech as it could be..

cultivate silence

58

john cage: ‘wherever we are, what we hear is mostly noise.. when we ignore it, it disturbs us. when we listen to it, we find it fascinating’

to cage, silence was not necessarily the absence of all sound

yeah.. he said that wasn’t possible..

how many of us have ever come close to this kind of quiet? (john in 51 in anechoic chamber).. reducing the noise and chatter around you to the degree that you can literally hear your own life? can you imagine? what you could do w that much silence..

from an\echo chamber page:

we’re believing these spaces of permission with nothing to prove – and especially spaces/apps for self-talk – need to be like an echo chamber – a means to block out external noise/mindsets. (so maybe ongoingly echo and/or anechoic)

quiet in a room

59

4’33” was never about achieving perfect silence  ti’s about what happens when you stop contributing to the noise..  the song was first performed at woodstock, ny, by david tudor ‘there’s no such thing as silence’ cage said of that first performance.. ‘what they thought was silence, because they didn’t know how to listen, was full of accidental sounds.. the wind.. rain.. people..’

60

thomas carlyle: ‘thought will not work except in silence’..

62

the ticking of the hands of your watch is telling you how time is passing away, never to return. listen to it

?

seek wisdom

63

diogenes laertius would write that what made socrates so wise was that ‘he knew nothing except just the fact of his ignorance’

socrates supposed to law

let go

66

if zeno and buddha needed teachers to advance, then we will definitely need help

to advance..?

the wise are still because they have seen it all

i thought wisdom was in saying you haven’t seen it all..?

find confidence, avoid ego

74

be confident.. you’ve earned it

ugh.. and so many war leader ie’s..

let go

75

what kenzo wanted students to do was to put the thought of hitting the target out of their minds. he wanted them to detach even form the idea of an outcome

yeah.. most of us don’t have a clue what that means..

76

stillness then.. is actually away to superior performance

? outcome: superior performance

on to what’s next

81

history teaches us that peace is what provides the opp to build. it is the postwar boom that turns nations into superpowers, and ordinary people into powerhouses.. and so we must go onward to fight the next battle, to pacify the domain of the spirits and purify our hearts/emotions/drives/passions

oi

history of whales in sea world.. why we never get to authentic peace

let go

part 2 – spirit

83

epictetus: ‘most of us would be seized w fear if our bodies went numb, and would do everything possible to avoid it, yet we take no interest at all in the numbing of our souls

the domain of the soul

89

(on tiger woods and his father) the e word (enough) was something quitters said, that only losers believed in

gray play law

91

this was what he had been taught by his parents, who raised him both as a kind of prince and a prisoner in a psychological experiment. ‘i felt i had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me.. i felt i was entitled’.. tortured by a spiritual malady and a crushing anxiety from which there was no relief..  his mind was strong but his soul ached..

gabor parenting law.. entitlement.. et al

still ness won’t truly be still until we let go of money (any form of measuring/accounting).. focus on the missing holes ie: maté basic needs

93

like so many of us, tiger had unconsciously replicated the most painful and worst habits of his parents..

eventually one has to say the e word, enough. or the world says it for you

enough ness

94

mental stillness will be short lived if our hearts are on fire, or our souls ached w emptiness.. we are incapable of seeing wha tis essential in the world if we are blind to what’s going on w/in us..

tiger woods wasn’t just a solitary man; he was, like so many os us in the modern world, an island. he might have been famous, but he was a stranger to himself..

95

marcus aurelius: ‘what am i doing with my soul’

96

zen lit – 10 poems about a farmer and his trouble w a bull: search for bull, track footprints, find it, catch it, tame it , ride it home ‘being well trained, he becomes naturally gentle.. then unfettered, he obeys his master’.. the narrator is in a state of serenity and peace. he has tamed his wild spirit’

yeah.. i think we have that backwards..

ie: black wildness law; holmgren indigenous law; carhart-harris entropy law; fromm spontaneous law; .. et al

the work we must do.. located in the heart and in the soul, and not in the mind..

97

that is why those who seek stillness must come to: develop a strong moral compass; steer clear of envy and jealousy and harmful desires; ..

rather.. simply listen deeper.. and trust that that is enough.. all those things listed are outcomes/distractions/responses..

tech as it could be…. listening to all the voices.. everyday.. no training.. no lists/bullets of to do’s..

choose virtue

98

ralph waldo emerson ‘the essence of greatness is the perception that virtue is enough

rather.. choose daily curiosity ..  curiosity over decision making/choosing et al

no one is more exhausted than the person who, because they lack a moral code, must belabor every decision and consider every temptation.. meanwhile the person who knows what they value.. who has a strong sense of decency and principle and behaves accordingly.. who possesses easy moral self command, who leans comfortably upon this goodness, day in and day out..? this person has found stillness

perhaps we have that all backwards.. sounds more like dogma (then his ie is of a politician with this ‘virtue’)

100

the gift of free will is that in this life we can choose to be good or we can choose to be bad.. we can choose what standards to hold ourselves to and what we will regard as important, honorable, and admirable.. the choices we make in that regard determine whether we will experience peace or not

the gift of true free will (aka: unconditional) is that good/bad/honorable/admirable/choice.. becomes irrelevant.. because peace is already there.. not a reward/earning from some condition

which is why each of us needs to sit down and examine ourselves.. what do we stand for.. what are we living for.. deep in the marrow of our bones, in the chambers of our heart, we know the answer.. *the problem is that the busyness of life, the realities of pursuing a career and surviving in the world, come between us and that self knowledge

and..too..  *the problem is thinking something virtuous/honorable/good-vs-bad.. is what dwells deep w/in us.. what the world needs most is the energy of 8b alive people.. not the virtue of 8b ‘good’ people (whales in sea world).. we need fittingness.. eudaimoniative surplus

let go

102

what is virtue? seneca would ask. his answer: ‘true and steadfast judgment’.. and from virtue comes good decisions and happiness and peace.. it emanates from the soul and directs the mind and the body

i don’t think life is about judging/decision-making.. i think that’s something we’ve added.. as we’ve perfected our role as whales in sea world..

we don’t do things.. in order to get peace.. we listen deeper to the peace that is already there

(on seneca) it was as if he didn’t believe in his own philosophy enough to put it wholly into practice.. he couldn’t quite accept that virtue would provide enough to live on

we do the same.. but with love ..  (it’s not virtue that’s enough .. it’s love).. but we can’t seem to love unconditionally..

103

virtue is a far more attainable and sustainable way to succeed.. no one can stop you from knowing what’s right.. we develop good character, strong epithets for ourselves.. so when it counts, we will not flinch. so that when everyone else is scared and tempted, we will be virtuous.. we will be still..

life is not about knowing what’s right.. not about succeeding.. not about not flinching (that’s not still ness).. and it sure can’t be about something that we compare our success to others’ fears.. thurman interconnectedness lawwhen you understand interconnectedness it makes you more afraid of hating than of dying – .. has to be about all of us.. ie: love

heal the inner child

beware desire

114

a person enslaved to their urges is not free.. the most common form of lust is envy.. the lust for what other people have, for the sole reason that they have it..

115

epicurus: /what ill happen to me if i get what i want? how will i feel after?

117

what we need isa  philosophy and a strong moral code – that sense of virtue – to help us resist what we can, and to give us the strength to pick ourselves back up when we fail and try to do and be better

rather.. what we need is to be free enough to follow our whimsy/fittingness.. everyday.. then things like envy .. become irrelevant.. ie: gershenfeld something else law et al

to have an impulse and to resist it, to sit with it and examine it, to let it pass by like a bad smell – this is how we develop spiritual strength.. this is how we become who we want to be in this world

that’s reactionary.. that’s not living..

the energy (strength) we need most is from being truly alive ..

let go

enough

126

what do we want more of in life? it’s not accomplishments/popularity.. it’s moments when we feel like we are enough..

enough ness.. for that.. begs we be quiet enough

garden of eden enough ness and the possibility to get back/to: an undisturbed ecosystem

bathe in beauty

130

on wonder and wildness.. in doing this, in noticing, we become alive to the stillness..

wonder, wildness, noticing, ..

131

it’s ironic that stillness is rare and fleeting in our busy lives, because the world creates an inexhaustible supply of it. it’s just that nobody’s looking

accept a higher power

enter relationships

148

stillness requires other people.. indeed, it is for other people

conquer your anger

all is one

158

with it we lose the selfishness and self absorption at the root of much of the disturbance in our lives

thurman interconnectedness lawwhen you understand interconnectedness it makes you more afraid of hating than of dying – Robert Thurman

john cage came to understand something similar as he embrace his own quirky, unique style of music, .. rather than trying to be like everyone else. ‘that one sees that the human race as one person.. enables him to see that originality is necessary, for there is no need for eye to do what hand does so well..’

one ness.. discrimination as equity.. have/need ness..  coincidence of wants..

times beg ai to be augmenting interconnectedness to get us back to an undisturbed ecosystem‘in undisturbed ecosystems ..the average individual, species, or population, left to its own devices, behaves in ways that serve and stabilize the whole..’ –Dana Meadows

john

everyone is necessary

everyone.. everyone in sync.. or it won’t work.. begs gershenfeld something else law and a mech to facil that chaos.. ie: tech as it could be.. with 2 convers as infra

to love all is to be at peace with all.. including yourself

pearson unconditional law

on to what’s next

163

quote on fred rogers’s wall was actually only a partial quote.. rest appears in the little prince.. ‘here is my secret. it is very simple: it is only w the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye’

see w heart

part 3 – body

the domain of the body

ie’s of churchill and war

177

churchill was happy because he got out of his own head and put his body to work

say no

when body says no

more war ie’s

ugh

187

wu wei is the ability to hold the bat back – waiting until the batter sees the perfect pitch..

188

the green light isa powerful symbol in our culture. we forget what mr rogers was trying or make us see – that the yellow/red light are just as important. slow down. stop..

somebody who thinks they’re nothing and don’t matter because they’re not doing something for even a few days is depriving themselves of stillness, yes – but they are also closing themselves off form a higher plane of performance that comes out of it

yeah.. focusing on that ‘higher plane of performance’ as a reward.. is a killer

189

we should look fearfully, even sympathetically, at the people who have become slaves to their calendars, .. whose lives seem to resemble a fugitive fleeing one scene for the next..  each of us needs to get better at saying no.. ‘no i’d rather not’, ‘no i don’t need that’

190

maybe it’s not the most virtuous thing to say ‘no sorry i can’t.. when you really can but just don’t want to ..

there’s that poisonous virtue again..

191

when we know what to say no to we can say yes to the things that matter

gupta roadblock law.. et al

better to just start each day with 8b curiosities  ie: cure ios city

take a walk

192

friedrich nietzsche – ‘it is only ideas gained form walking that have any worth’

friedrich

walk able ness

every afternoon in copenhagen.. k never seemed to walk straight – he zigged/zagged, crossing the street w/o notice, trying to always remain in the shade. when he had either worn himself out, worked thru what he was struggling with, or been struck w a good idea, he would run around and make for home, where he would write for the rest of the day.. walking was how he released the stress and frustration that his philosophical explorations inevitably created

to his sister in law, who was often bedridden and depressed as a result, k wrote of the importance of walking.. ‘above all’ he told her in 1847 ‘do not lose your desire to walk: every day i walk myself into a state of well being and walk away from every illness; i have walked myself into my best thoughts, and i know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it’

k believed that sitting still was a kind of breeding ground for illness. but walking, movement, to him was almost sacred.. it cleansed the soul and cleared the mind in away that primed his explorations as a philosopher.. life is a path, he liked to say, we have to walk it..

193

while k eloquent in his writing about walking.. he was by no means alone in his dedication to the practice.. tesla, hemingway, darwin, jobs, tversky, kahneman, king jr, whtiman, grant, .. freud, composer mahler spent as much as four hours a day walking to jot down ideas..  beethoven carried sheet music and writing utensil on walks for same reason.. , dorothy day, jesus,

194

how does walking – activity – get us closer to stillness..? yes, in motion, but not frenzied/conscious motion.. it’s repetitive, ritualized motion.. deliberate.. an exercise of peace

195

key to a good walk is to be aware/present.. breathe..

consider who might have walked this very spot in the centuries before you

? why that.. that’s not being present..

196

feel the unfamiliarity, get lost, be unreachable. go slowly..

it’s an affordable luxury available to us all

what.. ? i don’t think so (ie: anne frank)

researchers at stanford have found that walker perform better on tests that measure ‘creative divergent thinking’.. treatment for depression

ugh to the tests..

197

in our own search for beauty and what i s good in life, we would do well to head outside and wander around..

build a routine

201

(after listing some athletes w routine) isn’t the whole point of greatness that you’re freed from trivial rules and regs? that you can do whatever you want.. ah.. but the greats know that complete freedom is a nightmare. they know that order is a prereq of excellence and that in an unpredictable world, good habits are a safe haven of certainty

yeah.. i think we have that all wrong.. perhaps we think we need it now.. because we’ve lost our undisturbed ecosystem.. we’re like whales in sea world.. but even so.. what have we ever done that is truly great.. ie: mufleh humanity lawwe have seen advances in every aspect of our lives except our humanity– Luma Mufleh

carhart harris entropy law et al

discipline is how we maintain that freedom..

ie’s of sports guys, presidents, military leaders – 1\ assuming that’s what life is all about – calling it greatness.. and 2\ assuming we’ve every known/seen/been freedom

203

done enough times, done w sincerity and feeling, routine become ritual. the regularity of it – the daily cadence – creates deep and meaningful experience..

yeah.. i think it’s a good coping mech for whales in sea world..  but not-needed/irrelevant/distraction/cancerous in an undisturbed ecosystem

most people wake up to face the day as an endless barrage of bewildering and overwhelming choices, one right after another. what do i wear/eat.. what should i do first.. next..  needless to say , this is exhausting

and a waste of energy.. that’s why we need to focus on curiosity over decision making

when we automate and routinize the trivial parts of life, but also make automatic good/virtuous decisions, we free up resources to do important and meaningful exploration..

yeah.. whales in sea world have to do that.. but i don’t think truly free people do..

to make that possible, you must go now and get your house in order. get your day scheduled. limit the interruptions. limit the number of choices you needs to make

it’s the finite set of choices that are killing us

too random, too chaotic for the true master

1\ maybe we weren’t meant to be ‘masters’.. and/or 2\ maybe we have that all wrong.. i believe fittingness comes more from disorder

205

a master is in control. a master has a system. a master turns the ordinary in to the sacred.. and so must we

yeah.. this idea of a master.. in control.. whack.. let go..  it’s not about turning the ordinary into the sacred.. it’s about realizing .. everything is sacred..  every whim.. and we’re missing it..

get rid of your stuff

208

just as every hoarder becomes trapped by their own garbage, so too are we tied down by what we own

hardt/negri property law et al

john boyd: ‘if a man can reduce his needs to zero.. he is truly free.. there is nothing that can be taken from him and nothing anyone can do to hurt him.. ‘

209

the person who si afraid to lose their stuff, who has their id wrapped up in their things, give their enemies and opening.. they make themselves extra vulnerable to fate

tennessee williams spoke of luxury as the ‘wolf at the door’.. it wasn’t the possessions that were the problem, he said, but the dependency.. he called it the catastrophe of success, the way that we become less and less able to do things ourselves, the more and more we cannot be w/o a certain level of service.. not only is all your stuff a mess, but you need to pay someone to come clean it up

210

want to have less to be mad about? less to covet or be triggered by? give more away..

your grandmother didn’t give you that brooch so you’d constantly worry about losing it. the artist .. was not working hard so that you might one day fear that a guest would damage it..

211

in love w possessions instead of people.. the family who never see each other because the two parents are working late to pay off the extra bedrooms they never use.. the fame that keeps someone on the road so much they’re a stranger to their kids.. this is not a rich life.. there is no peace in this

you were born free – free of stuff, free of burden.. but since the first time they measure your tiny body for clothes, people have been foisting stuff upon you.. and you’ve been adding links to the pile of chains yourself ever since..

seek solitude

john graves: ‘a crowded world thinks that aloneness is always loneliness and that to seek it is perversion

213

eugen herrigel: to find solitude ‘not in far off, quiet places; he creates it out of himself, spreads it around him wherever he may be, because he loves it

pascal quiet law

214

james mattis: ‘it’s lack of reflection.. solitude allows you to reflect while others are reacting. we need solitude to refocus on prospective decision making, rather than just reacting to problems as they arise’

rather.. we need solitude to listen deep within .. to daily curiosity  ie: curiosity over decision making

216

thomas merton (1941 – 26 yrs old) his solitude was active exploration of himself, o f religion, of human nature, and alter, into solving serious societal problems like ineq, war, and injustice. in his beautiful journals, we find insights into the human experience that would have been impossible if merton had spent his time in a newspaper bullpen or even on a uni campus.. he would come to call solitude his vocation.. he wrote:

to pray and work in the morning and to labor and rest in the afternoon, and to sit still gain in meditation in the evening when night falls upon that land and when the silence fills itself w darkness and w stars.. this si true/special vocation. there are few who are willing to belong completely to such silence, to let ti soak into their bones, to breathe nothing but silence, to feed on silence, and to turn the very substance of their life into a living and vigilant silence

quiet enough ness

gates’ think week

218

we need to give our bodies, as virginia woolf put it, a room of our own – even if only for a few stolen hours – where we can think and have quiet and solitude..

virgina

it’s had to make that time. ti’s hard (and expensive) to get away..

luxury ness of time and space

twyla tharp: ‘solitude w/o purpose’ is a killer of creativity

hmm.. i don’t know.. maybe we’ve just never truly tried.. agendas seem more to be the cancer

his work was too important and the insights he discovered were too essential to remain locked up in a tiny brick house on the edge of the woods in kentucky

that goes for everyone.. not just merton (or whoever).. begs a mech (tech as it could be) to listen to every voice.. everyday..

(merton) now possessed solitude inside himself – and could access it anytime he liked.. the wise and busy also learn that solitude and stillness are there in pockets, if we look for them..

be a human being

223

karoshi – death from overwork in japan.. in korean it’s gwarosa

karoshi

main cause of injury for elite athletes is not tripping, falling, collisions,.. it’s overuse..

224

it was a malicious lie that the nazis hung over the gates of auschwitz: arbeit macht frei – ‘work will set you free’ .. the russian proverb had it better: work just makes you bent over

supposed to’s.. of school/work killing us

it’s human being not human doing for a reason.

being ness

go to sleep

231

abusing the body leads the mind to abuse itself..  sleep is the recharging of the internal batteries whose energy stores we recruit in order to do our work.. it is a a meditative practice. it is stillness.. it’s the time when we turn off. it’s built into our biology for a reason..

art (by day/light) and sleep (by night/dark) as re\set.. to fittingness

art.. not work.. let go

233

if you want peace,.. if you want to be your best.. just one thing to do.. go to sleep

find a hobby

234

aristotle: this is the main question, w what activity one’s leisure is filled

leisure ness

236

john cage – mushroom hunting; fred rogers – swimming; einstein – violin; pythagoras – lyre; .. let it relax you and give you peace..

237

josef pieper: ‘the ability to be ‘at leisure’ is one of the basic powers of the human soul’

leisure is not the absence of activity, ti is activity. wha tis absent is any external justification – you can’t do leisure for pay, you can’t do it to impress people.. you have to do it for you

fittingness – life as leisure.. to get us back/to an undisturbed ecosystem.. ‘in undisturbed ecosystems ..the average individual, species, or population, left to its own devices, behaves in ways that serve and stabilize the whole..’ –Dana Meadows

239

ovid: it’s in this leisure that ‘we reveal what kind of people we are’

our bodies are busy, but our minds are open. our hearts too.

of course, leisure can easily become an escape, ,but the second that happens it’s not leisure anymore.. when we take something relaxing and turn it into a compulsion, it’s not leisure, because we’re not longer choosing it

e: supposed to’s.. of school/work

while we don’t want our leisure to become work, we do have to work to make time for them

yeah.. i don’t think that’s true

we can quit.. cut corners.. w/o fear of repercussion.. no money is on the line to motivate us, no rewards or validation but the experience..

leisure is also a reward for the work we do

dang.. that’s poison.. let go

getting to know yourself is the luxury of the success you’ve had. finding fulfillment and joy in the pursuit of higher things, you’ve earned it..

earning ness is poison.. let go

beware escapism

escapism

242

it wasn’t restoration that fante was chasing, nor was it leisure, it was escape from real life.. that’s the diff between leisure and escapism. it’s the intention..

escape from freedom

total freedom

despair and restlessness go together. the problem is that you can’t flee despair.. you can’t escape, w your body, problems that exist in your mind and soul.. you can’t runaway from your choices – you can only fix them w *better choices

*rather.. by getting back/to maté basic needs.. back/to fittingness

244

the one think you can’t escape in your life is yourself..

a plane ticket or a pill or some plant medicine is a treadmill, not a shortcut.. you have to be still enough to discover what’s really going on..

quiet enough ness to hear the what.. (to hear/see what ness)

245

marcus aurelius pointed out that we don’t need to ‘get away from ti all’ we just need to look within. ‘nowhere you can go is more peaceful – more free of interruptions’ he said ‘than your own soul

next time feel urge to flee.. con’t book a cross country flight.. go for  walk instead.. don’t get high – get some solitude, find some quiet..  travel inside your heart and your mind, and let the body stay put..

246

build a life you don’t need to escape from

problem is.. we’ve muddled things up so much.. many people can’t do this.. they’re like a turtle who’s had its shell taken away..

solution is.. return those shells..

begs we do this firstfree art-ists.. for (blank)’s sake.. there’s a nother way

act bravely

247

fred rogers: to see people who will notice a need in the world and do something about it.. those are my heroes

camus: high minded thought and inner work are one thing, but all that matters is what you do.. in the moments of truth.. stillness is not an excuse to withdraw from the affairs of the world.. it’s a tool to let you do more good for more people..

e

for aristotle virtue wasn’t just something contained in the soul – it was how we lived.it was what we did. he called it eudaimonia: human flourishing..

eudaimoniative surplus ness

a person who does good regularly will feel good..

yeah.. that’s cancerous.. ‘doing’ ‘good’ both words part of the supposed to’s.. of school/work et al that led us right to being whales in sea world

rather.. a person who lives their fittingness will be at peace

a person who contributes to their community will feel like they are a part of one

nah.. can’t have a conditions/obligations/whatever.. or it’s not really belonging.. and w/o *belonging (attachment and authenticity) we’ll never get back/to an undisturbed ecosystem ‘in undisturbed ecosystems ..the average individual, species, or population, left to its own devices, behaves in ways that serve and stabilize the whole..’ –Dana Meadows

*brown belonging lawthe opposite of belonging.. is fitting in.. true belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are.. it requires you to be who you are.. and that’s vulnerable.. –Brené Brown

we are doing it to live better and be better.. every person we meet and every situation we find ourselves in is an opp to prove that

yeah.. not going to work if we think we have to prove something.. what we need are spaces of permission where people have nothing to prove.. nothing

we need to trust the dance of 8b daily curiosities  .. we need to focus on that to augment our interconnectedness.. get us back/to us

251

do the hard good deeds. ‘you must do the thing you cannot do’ eleanor roosevelt said

rather.. let’s do the thing(s) we can’t not do..

ie: gershenfeld something else law

what is on the other side of goodness is true stillness

not deep enough man.. within/swimming-with fittingness is stillness

with ‘do good’ ‘be better’ someone’s measuring.. and we have to let go of any form of measuring/accounting

252

if we want to be good and feel good we have to do good.. there is no escaping this

cancer man.. let go

on to the final act

_________

_________

from still page:

thinking that still\ness is a part of the 24/7 dance. the together aloneness.. that makes the dance dance.. and keeps the dance dancing. the juice/energy that lasts/thrives coming from being quiet enough.

Susan Cain – the restorative niche.. which can be found in togetherness and/or aloneness and/or wilderness..

pascal quiet law

makes me think of John Cage.

and echo chamber ness

and improv\e.

___________